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I was driving my sister this morning, and she was worried after getting a rejection letter from one of the med schools. She said "God has always looked out for me, and he comes to help me in time of need so I am not worried." That pissed me off because it is the most commonly used piece of feel-good drivel from mindless idiots.

I don't know if God exists. I admit it. There had been a few times in my life when I should have been killed but for some reason survived without a scratch. But given the number of people on this planet, even though I should probably have died, statistically it is not that surprising. There are a lot of people who luckbox just one time (born into a good family) and are set for the rest of their lives. Compared to the rest of the world, I am pretty lucky. Living in US, attending college here, and having family around would probably make me top 10% of the luckiest people in the world.

But back to the point, I was pissed off because you can never understand "God's will" even if God did exist. It's an impossibility. Think of a calculator. Do you think that after a million years of adding/ subtracting, it'll suddenly develop self-awareness: "I add therefore I am"?

If God was our creator, we are bound by the parameters he set on our existence. So we'll never know what he wants out of us, but we'll do what he intended we do. You might argue, what if he wanted us to know him? That he created us in his image so that we can know him? Well even if that were the case, we would never know the "true God" because we would only know/ act on what he gives us as input. He might be lying to us or fabricating outlandish tales.

Even if he was 100% sincere, we would never know if it was the truth because we are not his peers so we cannot objectively evaluate his "inputs". Therefore, the idea of having a personal one on one relationship of God is absurd even though it is appealing.

Maybe we can evolve? Maybe we can grow outside our programmed parameters like nature and evolution? That shit is purely from science fiction. That has never happened before, so why assume it will happen today? It is a possibility, but what would be a catalyst? What would drive the change? Things evolve to become better adopted to their environment. They don't evolve to surpass them.

Science is a limited tool, and there are a number of things we don't know/ understand. But just because we encounter strange/ unexplainable things doesn't mean we can throw logic/ rationality out of the window.

I believe that a lot of great religious leaders have come to the same conclusion as I have. That's why a lot of them use religion as a way to lead their followers into what they believe is the most optimal path to survival. After all, stridently believing in false miracles is a sure way to die out through natural selection.

I guess the only solution for religion has been to consistently throw out rationality in place of mysticism. Calling it the devil's words is a great way to deter lazy minds from exploring it for themselves.

I was fortunate enough to sign up for the Navy/ UMD football game held in Baltimore. I worked all day but, it was a blast. 70% of the time, I was hanging out with other drivers while waiting for the students to load up the buses. We took them from campus (lot 9) and drove them the stadium. For the most part, the students I drove were very courteous. A lot of the students thanked me as they got off.

The weather was great today, so a lot of girls were in shorts and looked pretty tempting. I think its one of the things I'll miss when I finish college: the pleasant sight of a beautiful girl sunbathing in front of the McKeldin. I talked to a half black/ asian girl driver today while we were waiting. She had surpassed my record of changing majors, and was contemplating switching again. I was delighted to find we had a lot in common. She recommended a book called Jacques the Fatalist which I'll check out when I have some free time.

All the drivers received nosebleed sections. One of the drivers, David managed to scalp his for $20. When we got to our seats, it was directly behind our UMD section. The view was actually not that bad. The game was a slow, slug fest composed entirely of running plays. But it was fun because Maryland made some great plays/ mistakes, and it was a close game until the last moment. Still the heat was unbearable, so after half time, we decided to skip it and head to inner harbor for something to drink/ eat.

Compared to the stadium prices, the food at the inner harbor looked like the dollar menu from McDonalds. They were selling a can of beer for $8.50 and water for $4.50 which is a pretty dumb deal no matter how you look at it. I wanted something cold to drink, but didn't want soda so I chose to get a smoothie. Banana was too boring and mango was okay, but if I was going dip my toe in the pool, I might as well dive in and get the gayest drink possible: the pina colada. My penis shrunk about 3 inches, but I escaped relatively unscathed.

Driving back was tough. I had a lot more passengers. Also I pissed some of them off inadvertently because I thought I was too full. The thing about driving a bus at 65 miles an hour in a four lane highway at night is that, it is fucking scary as hell. Every minor bump in the road makes the entire bus shudder. Also the giant wheel moves half an inch or so when you hit those bumps making you feel like you are going to veer into the lane next to you and hit someone.

For that entire trip. I was gripping the steering wheel so hard that my fingers were locked. I was sweating so much, the wheel became slippery to hold. Also high beams and the random cars cutting me off wasn't helping either. Driving would haven't been so bad if I didn't have so many people. I was especially nervous because there were so many people on the bus that if I make even a small mistake, I can hurt a lot of people. So I more or less drove like an old lady going under the speed limit at times and leaving a lot of room in front of me. Also I took much more time to pass people because the wheel isn't sensitive like a car and the bus is wider than most cars. I have to make tiny adjustments constantly even to go straight because it keeps twisting like a child throwing a tantrum.

When my shift was over, I drove like a maniac, or something close to it. Compared to driving a bus, driving a car is like being on a fighter jet. Low slung on the floor with responsive handling and hydraulic brakes...man its the best.

This blog entry is mundane, but I want to record it to remember how to enjoy the little things in life, especially good company.

Lately, I have been browsing through craigslist after their erotic services made front page in the national news papers. Ah, craigslist personals; the perfect remedy to counter the autumn blues. Craigslist personals are nothing like any of the other online dating sites because unlike other sites, the people who post on craigslists do not actually have hope. It's a desperate last shot in the dark abyss hoping to find someone who can look at you physically without turning off the lights.

Wallowing through this cesspool of loneliness and pent-up sexual desires is supremely wonderful because of its inherent tragedy. I feel like I am walking down a dark street in a broken neighborhood and catch a glimpse of a crying man framed in his bedroom window.

I hate this seasonal blues. Summer is over, and I feel melancholy just because the seasons are changing. Well, I am also changing. I have to move on with my life and start preparing for graduate school. I also have to start new relationships and get involved with my future. But at the same time, I feel like standing still and just stop because if I stop, it will never be over.

I don't believe in god or religion. But I understand why people need to. Whenever I watch fiction, I can always guess how things are going to turn out, because every decent story has a specific logic behind it. Sudden twists of events are necessary in order to shape outcomes and events according to the author's intentions.

No matter how crazy or bizarre a story is, every tale is built on a foundation of the author's internal logic. That's what keeps the story together, and that is why it can continue its existence after being formed out of a chaos of random words and syllables.

Now think about our world. Our world is an incomprehensible, hectic mess of humanity that no one can understand. How can such a random thing come into being?

Hence the idea of the creator. The God who created the heaven and earth. The God built the foundation of logic and rationality to support reality according to his vision.

It's nice this idea. Things happen for a reason. A few select people who are wise beyond their years can actually divine the will of the God and forecast the future.

In Genesis, the helper who helps God create the world is referred to as the Word. I remember pastors saying the Word was Jesus. But I wonder if that's a hint...

They haven't invented a big enough laxative to cure rush hour in DC. When I first moved to Silver Spring from Columbia, I thought everyone in this area had a big asshole. But after dealing with rush hour, I finally understand. People drive like maniacs because they are desperately afraid.

You haven't known fear until you gazed upon the shimmering, metal glaze of mid sized sedans coursing through the beltway. In your mind, you cry "!@#$ing mother@#!$#@$#$@@#" and a small piece of you dies inside.

This happens everyday.

Today, I ran into a girl from my arch class I took last semester. I remember she was worried about her grade because she got a C on her paper worth 20% of her grade, and had little on her final project worth 50% of her grade. I remember she had something like 7 pages of her final paper compared to what I had. I got a B on my paper and for my final project, I went all out and compiled like 34 pages of research.

I asked her what she got, and she told me she had received an A while I barely got a B-. In fact, a girl who scored a D on a midterm worth 30% of our grade got a B-. Her final paper wasn't as good as mine either.

After hearing about that, I was pretty pissed off and considered talking to the professor. I didn't care about the grade. I was pissed because of the inherent unfairness and the arbitrary whim of his grading system. But after talking over with a random student, I realized it was futile.

Why was I trying so hard to "avenge" this tiny injustice of mine when bigger, worst injustices happen all the time in the world? War victims, rape victims, people who are wrongly imprisoned for life, black men who are pitted in an unfair game, so many minorities oppressed by the strong...It was just pitiful and childish for me to get riled up.

So what if I do get my grade changed? Do I become happier? Happier that my own injustice was correct while the rest of the world goes to hell?

It's selfish because I want my world to be good. If I had gotten a good grade because the professor liked me, I would never complain. But I would fight tooth and nail for getting a bad grade because the prof didn't like me. By complaining I would become a hypocrite.

I see this all the time. Especially people who complain and use customer service to
defend their "rights" of a good experience. I am not talking about when it is pretty heinous, but when they feel entitled to complain just because...

In my last post, I think word "regulation" was ambiguous when it was applied to religion. Because if religion was solely created to regulate society, when governments were formed, shouldn't religion have disappeared?

Religions arise from two conditions: poverty and ignorance. My hypothesis is that religions arise from these conditions because they are the cheapest option to form an identity of a community. They offer the simplest explanation/ understanding of the world with minimal cost. They also require little investment (time, effort, etc.) for a finished product (explanation) while allowing the people who created the religion the most flexibility in controlling the cost (from human sacrifices to burning candles).

So why do religions wane in developed nations during these times? Also why is extremist Islam so rampant in the Middle East?

Think about it this way. When there are two people, its easy for them to get along, at least communicate their intentions. 4 or 5 people make a family or a group. 20 or 30 makes a village. But as more and more people live together, we need some sort of standard to guide our actions towards each other. That's where religion came in. Religion allowed masses of people to live together without killing, raping, harming each other.

We are originally bound by family ties. Outside our family, we consider people as strangers and treat them as foreign substances. Under the identity of family, there is only a certain limit of people who can live together, and they have the disadvantage of sharing the same genetic pool (less diversity).

Religion was the next corollary in allowing a critical mass of people to live in close proximity. It created a larger boundary in which everyone knew and enforced positive rules that enabled a community. However, in order for them to live together, they all needed to share the same religion. Opposing views could not be tolerated because that would undermine the basis for the law (ie. Ten Commandments). So religious purges occurred.

Fast forward to modern times. Religious purges are inefficient and a waste of human capital. For example, the pogroms in Russia depleted so much human capital that could have been put to good use in furthering progress. But they were killed/ oppressed to ensure the sanctity of communal order. That's where science comes in. Science and education eliminates boundaries created by religion because an educated person understands that the forces governing this world isn't supported by god, but a myriad of differing conditions.

While religion forbids other competing religions, science is tolerant of all opposing views because the purpose of science is to question and understand rather than believe. But besides science, more education leads to greater tolerance of opposing view points because you realize that every view point can be right or wrong.

However, in order for a more tolerant society to exist, you need education which means investing more resources. Compared to religion, education is much more expensive and requires a long term approach in investing.

Big cities cannot exist without education. For one thing, you need a ton of resources to support all these people living in a concentrated area. Also you need to have a majority of them educated which leads to more tolerance of others and allowing them to live with more people.

Extremist Islam occurs in rural places because they don't have the infrastructure necessary to support a more tolerant/ agnostic view point that we enjoy. It would takes decades of effort for extremist Islam to die out. Small community mired by poverty makes an aggressive boundary setting religion thrive because it sets borders and establishes community identity with minimal investment.

Also religions in a metropolitan area cannot take an aggressive expansion stance (promoting loyalty while recruiting new members) without incurring the natural defense system of the city (threatening potential tolerance of others). Of course, there are ways to over ride that, but that's another study of cults.

It's kind of ironic to see Americans attacking Muslims in this country. That metropolitan form of Islam is pretty harmless and attacking it would only serve to entrench the extremists. By attacking all Islam instead of the outlier ones, we ourselves create the boundaries which cement the identity of Islam as the one of an extremist. The only way we can stop extremist Islam is by investing money in educating the Middle Eastern regions who will then adopt a more tolerant viewpoint because they'll want to reach critical mass. Middle East is poor and rich at the same time.

However, all that oil money is the middle east is not fairly distributed in society causing great inequalities which lead to extremists gaining force. If my hypothesis is correct, the next culprit of extremist religion gaining force is Brazil/ South America. There is a huge pool of poor people with great social inequality that someone could unite/ use as fuel for a war machine.

Summer is almost over, and my classes will start soon. All of my friends have graduated already, and they are going through dead end jobs or attending graduate school. I still have undergraduate to finish after taking a few years off. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with my life. I still am not sure, but I know what I like and dislike.

I read an article in the NYtimes recently about how much trouble my generation is going through to actually "grow up". Nearly all of my friends, after graduating from college and landing jobs in the corporate world, still live with their parents. Some have done well (IT industry/ medical field), but for the most part, we still don't have the resources to live as an "adult". Getting a house is nearly impossible for an entry job in most fields without some parental assistance. So is getting married or having kids. Not to mention health insurance, life insurance, car insurance, etc.

Living is expensive. How the hell do you justify my existence, let alone plans for future expansion when my role in society is ambiguous? Insert your own Catcher in the Rye quotes here.

China's going to rule the world. Blah blah blah. Biggest concern for politicians in DC should be worrying about finding customers. Too much emphasis is placed on American consumption even when our consumption benefits other countries/ international conglomerates (blue chips) who invest in other countries.

Egh. Whatever. I hate corporations. I used to read the business section religiously because I liked to read about interesting strategies companies used to compete with each other. But I feel that the culture has turned rancid. It feels like too many companies are preying on their employees/ vulnerable customers because they lack imagination/ courage. It's not just one evil big guy that everyone likes to pick on. It is more like the culmination of policies/ attitudes imposed ten years ago that finally came to fruition, finally showing off its true, rotten bloom.

Not much faith in government either. I live in DC and hear stories all the times of the waste that goes in the government bureaucracy. You can't fault them either. They are trying to win a rigged game.

Hmm. Sounds awfully pessimistic for what I thought was going to be a cheery blog entry...

I spent the last two days finishing Full Metal Alchemist: the Brotherhood. I watched like 30 hours or so straight instead of playing poker/ watching training vids like I promised myself. But by god, it was worth it. Sometimes I feel like a crack addict when it comes to fiction.

Man, it was like getting a mental blowjob by a super hot chick with top tits. Where to begin...Full Metal Alchemist was elegant and simple at the same time. What I liked most about was the political intrigue/ strategies both sides used based on 1) what they knew at the time 2) general rule of the world.

Also the character's actions and mistakes fit well with their background. Deus ex machina elements were kept to a minimum. Deus ex machina is a pretty flawed concept. Its like changing the rules halfway through the game. Not just one rule, but rewriting the entire physics of the world making you question everything in the story.

It reminded me of War and Peace because there were so many characters who played a vital role in moving the plot. You could say there were like 8 major bad dudes, 2 possible bad/good dudes, 8 major good dudes, and tons of minor characters who were both good or bad.

I can't even imagine how complicated it must have been to think of such an intricate plot that remained cohesive from the beginning to the end. That's pretty sick dealing with so many characters and so many fantasy elements.

Stephen King is an example. His horror stories suck imo because he writes too fast and concentrates mainly on volume. His stories always start strong with freaky interesting scenes and go nowhere fast. And then he just blows everyone up or kills them in the end. God it always pissed me off when I read his books. It felt like a cop out to me but whatever.... I haven't read his Dark Towers series yet so I might be biased...

We see people doing stupid irrational plays all the time, even in higher limits. I was watching Pokerstars Big Game (S01, E21) where the guy, who thought Esfandiari was an internet qualifier, donk bet into Chau after defending his BB with 96o on a 949r.

Even I know defending 96o against the biggest nit is a losing play. But his donk bet after flopping the immortal nuts against Chau is pretty bad because Chau's probably going to c-bet 100% of his range, and he should always check to trap a c-bet. His donk bet makes sense only if Chau is super passive and c-bets when he has near nuts. Then he should be donk betting 100% to exploit that but few people ever c-bet so little.

Also c/r the flop is an option if Chau c-bets too much, and the c/r might look like a bluff on such a dry flop which might get Chau to 3 bet bluff. But no, he just donk bet for 2/3 of the pot and took it down on the turn when a blank came.

So what was his logic?

I call this the phenomena of fish logic. Something I see everyday playing the micro SNGs.

Fish with Big Hand on Dry texture
I flopped the nuts/ pretty good hand. He probably doesn't have much so he is going to check back. I can't let him check back because I can't win a big pot with my nuts so I should lead and hope to get something out of him.

caveat: Depending on the time you play, this might be the reverse. I have found that on weekend nights, there are fish who donk bet bomb the flop and turn with nothing because they think we can never have a hand there and own themselves with marginal hands or pure bluffs. It's pretty easy to pick up because their range becomes so polarized after a short time. I was HU with a guy who checked to the river OOP after turning the nut flush (while I checked behind turn and river for pot control). Then within the next 30 hands he overbet the flop IP 3 times, twice of which I snap called with TPWK and a mid pair on a dry flop.

Fish with Marginal Hand on Dry texture OOP
I flopped a pretty good hand for this board and he bet. Playing such a marginal hand out of position is tricky if he bets later streets. I think I am ahead of his betting range now, but I don't know what to do later. So I am going to raise all in. I fold out all hands I beat and maybe some hands I lose too (which is never).

Fish with Big Hand on Wet texture
I flopped the nuts. He probably have something so he'll bet, and I could trap him by slow playing.

Fish Min Betting
I have a marginal hand. I can't really bet big because he's never going to call worst. So I'll min bet to get value out of my bottom pair. (Easy counter is a small raise. If he instantly 3 bets you, he's trapping. If he just calls and leads turn he could have stubborn TPGK that is never folding. Most people just fold turn as long you don't have a tendency to go ape shit on his min bets)

Fish Over-Bet Raise on Later Streets
Always a weird turned/ rivered nuts that never make sense because he shouldn't be calling that wide in the first place. I like to call it the bingo raise because given the odds, his play is always a losing play.
Great way to go on a two hour tilt >.<

When you play Risk against bad players, you should always overextend yourself to get the bonus because bad players are overly cautious. They never want to pick a fight with the strongest player even though it would cost them the same amount to pick off the weaker player.

I think it's general animal nature to avoid fighting with someone stronger than you, just sitting back and hoping that someone else is brave enough to take on the stronger enemy. Rarely do people care about the over all good of the community to take on an enemy at their expense.

I guess that's where the myth of the super hero was born. We believe that in order to fight against someone, we need to be at least equal in strength to even consider a battle. Since no individual is that powerful (unless you control an organization), we created this myth of a man who wields the power of thousands.

In the earliest time periods, we imagined gods as men who could control nature because the forces of nature over-came us. Drought, pestilence, hurricanes, earthquakes, and various forces were beyond our comprehension and thus control so we believed the highest attainable power would emanate from the control of these forces.

When we have began to tame nature, our gods began to control men. Their power did not arise from super natural forces such as the control of the winds or thunder but rather from us. Christianity when it was founded placed the emphasis on inner salvation and faith. I believe it was rather the same for Islam as well by replacing the multitudes of bedouin stone idols with one god.

Our super heroes have evolved as well. Instead being children of gods, they are now the product of science. Superman is an alien, Batman has tools he developed, and Spider Man was bitten by a radioactive spider.

In our modern day, one could say that science is the biggest god of them all considering how many people nowadays identify with themselves as being agnostic/ atheist.

Gods and super heroes, why do we need them? Why create them in the first place?
We need them because we don't believe we can do it ourselves. We need them because we feel we are powerless, alone. There are problems that must be dealt with that no one person can take on. It would be suicidal. If a bunch of people could band together and fight against a common evil, then we would not need gods or heroes. We can have a chance against those bastards, a slight hope.

However, it is our inherent nature to pull back and avoid conflicts against parties stronger than us. Rationally we should band together and fight a common evil that is stronger than us. But to do that we need everyone's cooperation at the same time. But since the good of the community is often at odds with our self-interest (free rider dilemma), the big evil guys can often divide and conquer quite easily.

Gods, heroes, religion is needed to create a community to withstand such pressures and serve to regulate our society so that such evil can be withstood.

Alas, after centuries of abuse and corruption we have lost sight of that and delight ourselves with meaningless fantasies. That explains why super hero films do well despite language/ culture barriers. We all need someone to stand up to the evil that is beyond our powers.

Today religion serves to hinder rather than unite us. Our traditional Gods are effective up to a certain amount of people, after which shows signs of diminishing returns. They cannot realistically include everyone because in the path to proselytize, they often have a "it's us vs. them". The people who go to hell vs, us who will go to heaven. Also not one religion has a competitive advantage over the other since their basic principles remain the same (one god, inner salvation, rules for maintaining community).

The question remains, could we create a super hero who will truly defend us against evil? It is impossible for everyone to adopt universal morals because it would be unenforceable. All these communities centered on the traditional gods have a limit to the size they can achieve because if it gets too big, there is no authority to regulate it well. Plus these religions have their own agendas and power struggles within so they are by no means a perfect community...

The world is full of selfish cowards intent on surviving until the bitter end. We need a hero.