Hi Guys,

I wanted to try and pin down how I'm feeling at the moment considering a few hours I was the deepest I had ever been in the million and to bust out what was essentially 20-25k in equity was pretty heartbraking.

First things first what I did well;
- I played patiently in this tournament and a number of others for about 8 hours.
- During that time my 3betting/4betting was well reasoned
- I was patient when it was required and aggressive when I could get away with it
- Dealt with lots of bad beats and cooler spots and generally getting owned in everyother tourney.

Then I was down to my last 4 games the million and some weird 5r mtt's, some friends on skype were aware of how deep I was in the million and a few were sweating me. At this stage there was about 200 people left in the even and I had been in the top 20 chips for the past hour and I was feeling really confident despite being down a bit over 2k at the time. However I started to look at the lobby, look at the first prize and feel the validation of what winning that would give me. I started getting nervous and I left my optimal state of play, I was a little card dead at spots but i pushed the action a bit too much as well as spewing off a 3/4 of my chips in a really bad spot that I should have gotten away from pre.

I was looking at the lobby looking for when i'd hit breakeven for the day and eventually that number came and passed (90th) and I was now in the black but I couldn't shake the feeling, I kept looking at the lobby at the payouts rather than focusing on trying to play my best. I ended up 3betting off my 22bb stack w'A7o vs utg's KK and not getting there. I'm trying to focus on the positives but missing out on the best chance to win a Sunday Major i've ever had is really tough. The fact that i won $700 ish today does little to soothe that. I also busted the 100k guaranteed in 14th the other day which had a 23k first prize in a really bad spot. Continuing to get nervous in these deep runs is something I plan on working on and is a skill that i think can always be improved.

I understand your mental game is like a muscle, I hope with practice I can get better at it and fully utilise my skill edge. I really feel comfortable in the early and midstages of these tournies hopefully I can bink one of them and this will help me in the future.

Best of luck at the tables.