So JCL gave me a long response to my previous blog entry and put me to place. First of all, I want to thank him for that, secondly, Id like to respond.
I know it's quite pathetic that I keep dwelling about old merits and I know that I've put to much thought into the wrong things. However, my blog serves other pruposes as well. First of all a response like the one you gave me is for great value, and by putting up my thoughts I've been fishing for responsens and stories and answers from people who has been in the same boat. It has also worked as a confidence boost for me to remind myself that there actually is something to build upon. My blog has worked as a wall where I put up my thoughts and try to sort them.
However, as you said, there are many negative aspects to continiue thinking in the wrong (old) paths. As for instance, it has surely made it harder to climb up again since I deep down think "I deserve and belong in higher games". How can you beat nl100 if you see a buy in as a cbet to a 3bet in a nl600 game. I've tilted "like a mofo" a billion times, and actually what made me write the post the other day was not good variance, it was that I set out and played a few sessions after deeply reviewing my past months play in holdem manager and realizing how badly I've played. It was also the result of a psychology session at Uni where we talked about concepts as learning and reinforcing good and bad behaviour. I realized that my mindset had strenghted all those bad plays and turned them into a habit.
Again, thank you for your post, it makes me move forward.