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February 11, 2011

Never Give Up

Blog by : l1ttledb

Never give up

This is more for me than you but maybe someone will find it benefitial.

I recently enjoyed my worst day at the tables ever. I mean i lost a lot of money in comparrison to my bank. I am now currently trying to start the process of getting back up and dusting myself off.

The pychological aspect of this game is never more amplified than when you lose. It becomes a battle with yourself. You search for someone or something to blame but in thruth there is only one person to blame.

When you do realise that it was your fault you then need to work through that horrible feeling that has settled in your chest. Its hard to describe this feeling.. Kinda like getting sucker punched when you thought life couldn't go any better. But as i read in one of the threads here "pain is temporary, honour is forever". This means i will not give up. I will pick myself up every single time this happens because it is part of poker

If however you struggle to keep going you need to remember why you started playing poker. I remember my infant like fascination with the game, the first time i dragged a huge pot and the first time i learned something i wasn't aware of before. That feeling outways this feeling 100 fold in my book and if i quit i will never get that feelin again.

As we all know poker is a game of +EV and -EV moves.. this holds true off the table also. Would it be +EV to give up on my game? no. My expected value like folding will be 0. I need to "raise" in the hand of my overall game. If i put in more work than before i will eventually climb back up the cliff of pain my graph now has and i just know the feeling i get when i wipe out my worst day in poker will be a great one.

I am not blessed with a writers style or a bloggers prose but as i said before this is for me. I am making a promise to myself to start over, to be better than i was and at some point look back on this as a small downswing in my evolution as a player.

I'm off to win or lose some more money ;), it doesn't matter, the fact that I am playing is what i shall be celebrating as in the end i am doing something that i love.

Entry Tags:

459 Views | Comments(4)

February 11,2011

That sucks buddy I hope you aren't too crippled. GL getting back on the horse m'lad

crashoutcassius

February 11,2011

Cheers man,

Surprising this really did make me feel better.. like a BBv but not quite haha.

l1ttledb

February 11,2011

gl homie. inthe same boat here =]

SkinnyBrown

February 11,2011

Thanks Skinny hope you pull through also.

I still have that weird feeling in my chest.. like someone winded me. hopefully this is one of those " what doesn't kill me" situations

l1ttledb

February 03, 2011

Variance, a short story. No really its an actual short story.

Blog by : l1ttledb

OK so as someone working through solving tilt monkey tendencies I have been reading up on variance etc.
After suffering a particularly bad season variance wise ( red line was way in the plus ) the below just popped into my head. It is not a strategy article but just my own musings.

I have never written anything before except for in school where it was mandatory and i have no idea where this can from honestly. Feel free to ridicule it, flame it or whatever i don't really care I'm still kind of proud of it for some reason. It may be crap but i never intended it to be good, I just typed what i was thinking and by the end i was tilt free.

Anyway..

Variance

.......

I can't help but laugh as I watch it all play out, he's tilted and has no where near the capital to be sitting there and to top it off I give his opponent a near impossible out. One down many many more to go

My name is variance, well not my real name but that's what was written on the envelope beside my crib and there was no one else around to tell me my proper name. I can't really remember when I was born and I'm pretty sure I'll never die.

Most people discredit me or simply believe I will never enter their lives, which is pretty funny to me. I'm kind of cruel when I go to work, sometimes I will help people out but only as a means to an end. You see people feel the pain I inflict on them far more when they think I am being nice to them.

I don't particularly like my job, someone has to do it but why me? When pondered it's not really a job you are supposed to like though as my hatred of it lends itself well to what i have to do to people day in and day out.

When I'm working I like to treat each person on a case by case basis, that's were my gift comes in. You see I'm really really good at one thing ( well two things but the other one is part of work ) and that is reading humans souls. From one quick glance at a person I can tell you what makes them happy in life, what makes them sad, how greedy or generous they are and sometimes how intelligent they are.

I obviously use this information to my advantage, for example if i reason that a particular case received that day is overconfident and generally happy in life I know I won't close the case completely if action is taken immediately. By the way if your wondering what a case is it is exactly that, I receive them from.. well i don't know actually but the thing I do know is that they all must be completed and closed.

So with my new happy but overconfident human I "help" him until he thinks he can never lose, I am the architect of all of his wins from now on. I make the impossible happen just to squeeze every bit of confidence I can into him. When I'm happy that the case can be closed my second gift comes into play, the one mentioned briefly earlier, I take away my helping hand and nudge reality into his life, sometimes reality needs to be forced or at least sped up to achieve what I want, I need to completely demoralise my case, I need him to lose and lose and lose.. He has to start to worry about the life he has chosen and what he has lost and eventually if I myself am lucky he will give up.

That is the result i need to keep my job and stay where i am now, I know this because inside the envelope that sat in my room for the decades that i was a child was written " There will come a time when you will need to do a duty, it will not be pleasant but it is a necessity that it is done. If you do not follow through with your duties you will feel a pain one thousand times that that you will soon inflict on your cases, for eternity, there will be no escaping your punishment."

I have only one real worry in life and that is the cases hidden in my basement, why are these cases hidden? because despite years of work I cannot close them. The people involved don't seem to fall into the same category as my normal cases. In one particularly worrisome one I spent nearly five years building the subjects hopes and dreams. He had everything by the end of the 5 years, a beautiful family and home, many friends and what he considered the best job on the planet. At the right time I gradually took it all away, he fought it well but I won out in the end as i usually do.
He went missing to my satisfaction.. although luckily I left the case open for a few months while I closed many many others.

It was a dark day for me a few months later when I saw him again, I mean this guy had felt the most pain and suffering I had ever inflicted on anyone and lost everything but there he was, not sitting where he used to but still sitting!
I decided a change of tact was needed so i devised a whole new plan for my toughest case. I set him up for what should have been the biggest score of any of my cases and I didn't do it gradually this time. No, I made it look like faith. sure he'd have to sit for multiple periods of time but I was sneaky because i made it so it didn't cost him a thing. The plan worked, there he was seemingly dazed at his unbelievable run of luck sitting not at his old seat but at an even better one, he had never sat this high before and never run this good and to top it off he had not had to invest anything.

You can probably tell what happens next right? Just when he is on the precipice of making that big score i mentioned, literally seconds from legendary status I swipe the floor from under him and he comes crashing back down.

So that's it case closed, not exactly. It has been years and I had nearly forgotten about that dreadful case when who do I see while at work? yep its him alright. That is when his file is hidden with all the other un-closable cases. I honestly don't know what to do with them, they must be closed but maybe it is impossible. Don't be fooled into thinking I don't see the irony here. While I go about my daily work I orchestrate so many ups and downs that I know when to spot my own down. Is this a test, I'm not sure.

There is one thing I am sure of though, so sure that I have revealed myself to some of my cases, they know what I do and they speak of me often. And that one thing I'm sure of?.. can be heard spoken all over the world now.

"Variance will get you in the end buddy"

.......

Entry Tags:variance, short story

247 Views | Comments(2)

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