As many of you know by now, the blog comments system has been overhauled. You can no longer comment using your CR account. You need to login with Twitter, Facebook, Google+, or Disqus.

Signing up for Disqus can be done in a matter of seconds right in the comment field. All you need to do is type in your comment, enter your username of choice (I'd recommend your CR user ID), and email address:

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If you have a CR account, you can check out the thread here: http://www.cardrunners.com/cr_forums/showthread.php?194002-Swamp-Angel-Tree

If you don't, here are the details:

I am going later this week to get a couple cards off an Angel Tree at a local church and wondered what the Swamper's thought about chipping in to fill one (or more) as well?

For those who don't know, an Angel Tree is Christmas tree festooned with cards containing an underprivileged child's Christmas list. It also gives their age and tells you if they are a boy or a girl. Once you have the card in hand, you head to the store and go crazy, helping them have the Christmas they wouldn't otherwise get. It is like Toys for Tots, but it is more personal because you are shopping for that individual child.

So my question is this: How do you guys feel about chipping in to help a kid or two with their Christmas (yes, this is sort of a guilt trip)? I would take the monies on PayPal then do all the shopping, post pics/updates of their list and what I bought, and then sign the card as "The Swampers at CardRunners.com."

If you want to contribute, but don't want ppl to know how much or that you are interested, send me a PM/email (jeff@cardrunners.com) and know I'll keep it in confidence between us.

My PayPal is jeff@cardrunners.com and I encourage anybody, CardRunners member or otherwise, to take a part and help me brighten Christmas day for kids who wouldn't otherwise have the experience all children deserve.

I am way angrier about the other 15,000 people murdered every year in the United States than I am about the 12 who were recently slayed in Aurora, Colorado.

I am way more outraged about the violent crime rate, the home invasions, the muggings, the hardcore drug abuse, teen pregnancy, and a dozen other things than I am about those poor people who just wanted to see a movie.

And you should be too.

There is a real problem with the way we think about and react to stories such as the Aurora shooting versus how we think, or don't think, rather, about crime in the US as a whole.

Did you know that in 2010 there were 14,748 murders in the US? 1 out of every 21,700 people living within our borders is murdered every year.

Why does a once every couple of years mass murder bother us more than the fact 40 homicides a day are committed in our country?

I think I know:

While the Aurora victims were overwhelmingly white folk participating in a decidedly suburban activity, around half of those nearly 15,000 murder victims were African-Americans.

The talking heads, the government officials, the NRA, the far left screaming for gun control all have two things in common: They are educated, and they are white.

This is not about to be a rant about racism, because this truly has nothing to do with race. It has everything to do with class and the education disparity between them.

While we are busy looking for a non-existent solution to prevent what happened to those 12 people, including a child the same age as my own (6), we continue to spew an unthinkable sum into the war in the Middle East ($1.3 trillion and counting). We have sunk at least a trillion more into a war on drugs that has been proven for decades to be a completely ineffectual waste of taxpayer money (it has also helped turn Mexico into one of the most dangerous countries on the planet). In the last presidential election, $5.3 billion was spent on the candidates' campaigns, a number that is expected to be dwarfed in 2012 (estimates expect a total cost of $6-8 billion). And those are just my three favorite soapbox examples! There are hundred more!

And yet our schools, especially in inner cities and poverty stricken neighborhoods continue to perform dismally.

The answer to a myriad of the problems facing this country is education. An educated people does less drugs, commits less crimes, generates more taxes, elects better officials, produces better industry, is healthier, and is far less of a drain on taxpayers in general. Imagine a world with far fewer people on Medicaid and food stamps, where jails and courts are less crowded, where there are tens of millions fewer people existing as a taxpayer burden.

I am not naive enough or enough of an expert to pretend that if we instantly doubled our nearly $600 billion education budget (state and federal combined) that there would be no crime, no recession, and no drugs. But I am smart enough to see that the people who contribute to our society are those who have an education and those who take from our society do not. As I learned sometime in 8th grade, 2+2=4.

Well, it is not a new job per se, but more of a shift in roles at my current gig. Long story short, in addition to my current role at CR/HM I am also now the Brand Manager at PocketFives Poker Training. This all went down a couple weeks ago and I couldn't be happier with the challenge afoot.

My main duties are to run social marketing, manage our stable of video producing instructors, schedule vids, and help grow the business in any way that I can. Thankfully I have a good group of guys to work with as well as somebody with a lot of experience in this area (Alex, here at CR) to help make the transition an easy one. We also have a pretty amazing team at the P5s Mother Ship that are dedicated to the promotion and success of Training.

I've learned in my first few days that the majority of my time, at least initially, will be spent getting to know our team. While it has been incredibly time consuming to swamp dozens and dozens of emails and to have hours long chats on Skype, it has also been massively rewarding getting to know such bright, fun people. I've known a lot of high-level players over the years but very few of them were MTT regs. These guys are a different sort of animal with a pretty scary ability to grind in their quest for the big score (and to even out variance). As an admitted tourney donk, it has been interesting to get involved in this foreign world.

Because former head of P5s Training, Jerry "herschelw" Watterson, left me a solid foundation when he stepped down, I've been able to concentrate more on adding to the site instead of rebuilding it. To that end I do have a few things in the works, including a couple new instructions I'm in talks with. As of this morning, I also have five brand new series that are either being recorded now or being started in the next week-ten days. I think that with a bit of hard work and some spit and polish we can really get something going over there.

I did a short interview with the guys at P5s about the direction of the Training site. Check it out here: http://www.pocketfives.com/articles/behind-scenes-pocketfives-training-587187/

Please follow us on Twitter: @P5sTraining and @Jeff218Miller

Oh, and don't forget about Facebook! "Like" us at, https://www.facebook.com/PocketFivesPokerTraining

-Jeff

If you like frequent silly/funny/vulgar tweets, please follow me on Twitter @jeff218miller.

I am feeling very under the weather, so I will make this quick.

This weekend is an MMA fan's dream come true! With UFC 141 and a massive Dream card, I could not be more excited. Below are some (very) quick predictions.

UFC
Lesnar via ground and pound TKO
Cerrone via TKO
Fitch via KO 10 seconds in (lol, that is a joke....he wins via decision)
Gustafsson via KO
Phan via decision
On the undercard I like: Pearson, Njokuani, Kim, Volkman, Ramos, and Nunes

Dream
Fedor via KO
Aoki via something crazy
Inoue via TKO
Fujii in a quick and dominating sub
Kawajiri by decision in standup fight because their wrestling will cancel out
Mach Sakurai via stoppage of some sort
Bibi via KO
Banuelos via decision
Tokoro via decision

In the GP final, I like Bibi via KO over Banuelos

Have a safe and happy New Year's Eve!!!

I was going to do a recap of the year that was, but, honestly, those bore the fuck out of me, so I'll pass. Instead, I want to touch on what the events of 2011 have meant to my life and then kick into a few of my favorite things from the year 2011.

As most of my more loyal readers (what few of you there are, considering I haven't blogged in a virtual eternity) know, this past May, we pulled up stakes and moved to Las Vegas. We were desperate for a change, and it just seemed right. Nearly 8 months later, I don't regret it even one bit. Aside from having access to a million more things than ever before, it has been nice to be able to establish a identity of our own, on our own, without the benefit of help from family or friends. We'd become stuck in the same rut that plagues too many people and needed to get out of it - 32 years old is far to young to be resigned to an unwavering path of same old, same old. While I miss my family and friends every single day, this feels right and I don't anticipate calling off the experiment in the near future.

Since moving, I've logged nearly 200 hours of 1/2, almost exclusively at Red Rock. While the games there are quite reg-heavy, the regs are almost overwhelmingly poor players. What's more, they are generally affluent and unafraid to reload. Despite an ongoing monumental run to the negative side, my results have been mostly positive and I have a lot of hope for 2012. More than anything, it is nice to get out of the house and play. The escape is awesome, especially considering how much I enjoy playing the live game.

Another thing the move has done is motivate me to be more healthy. I've been exercising much more regularly than at any point in the last 10 years and have lost over 10% of my total body weight. I'd like to lose quite a bit more and have a pretty serious post-holiday plan to do just that. For the first time maybe ever, I've shown the will-power to take care of myself. I'm motivated to be nearly unrecognizable by the time the CR WSOP party hits this July.

The final aspect of the move that I'd like to mention is how much better it has made my relationship with my wife and kid. Without a lot of built in friends, without family and family obligations, we've had a lot of time together. We have had to lean on each other more than ever. The result could have gone one of two ways, I suppose, and fortunately it went the way of pulling us all together. I'm as in love with my wife as I ever have been and I appreciate her more than ever. Not a bad side benefit of the move. Not at all.

In the vein of Oprah, here are a few of my favorite things from 2011:

Non-Music Pop Culture

Favorite New Movie - The Muppets
Favorite Movie I Saw for the First Time - Coanan The Barbarian (the original)
Favorite Documentary - No End in Sight (been out since 2007, but I'd not seen it yet)
Favorite New TV Show - Person of Interest
Favorite TV Show - The Walking Dead
Favorite Non-New Video Game I'd Never Played Before - Tie between Uncharted and Uncharted 2
Favorite New Video Game - Gran Turismo 5
Favorite New Website - DraftDay.com (sick plug)

Sports

Game of the Year - World Series, Game 6
Injustice of the Year - Devin Hester not making Pro Bowl as a return man
Fight of the Year - Dan Henderson vs Shogun Rua, UFC139
Fighter of the Year - Jon Jones
Fighter of the Year That Nobody Pays Attention To - Donald Cerrone
KO of the Year - Frankie Edgar KO's Gray Maynard, UFC136
Comeback of the Year - Tie between Cheick Kongo for KO of Pat Berry at UFC Live on Vs 6 and Frank Mir for breaking Big Nog's arm at UFC140

Music

Ten Best New Albums

10. Tha Carter IV, Lil Wayne
9. Alpocalypse, Weird Al
8. Wasting Light, Foo Fighters
7. The Family Sign, Atmosphere
6 . El Camino, The Black Keys
5. The Muppet's Soundtrack, The Muppets
4. Noel Gallagher's Flying Birds, Noel Gallagher's Flying Birds
3. 21, Adele
2. The Camp, Childish Gambino
1. Lasers, Lupe Fiasco


Ten Best New Songs

10. GoodMorning, Chamillionaire




9. Paul Simon, Rewrite



8. Beastie Boys, Make Some Noise



7. Factory of Faith, Red Hot Chili Peppers



6. Pictures In My Head, Kermit The Frog and The Muppets



5. Foo Fighters, Walk (also a great video)



4. Lupe Fiasco, Till I Get There



3. Noel Gallagher's Flying Birds, The Death of You and Me




2. Childish Gambino, Heartbeat




1. Atmosphere, She's Enough

Since my teens I've waged a war versus perception. Because I am generally cracking jokes, smiling a lot, and in trying to be the life of the party, it is assumed that I am unable to be serious or am somehow an immature or irresponsible person. This actually cost me a job about 6 or 7 years ago when the GM of the car dealership I worked at was unable to understand that being fun and responsible were not mutually exclusive abilities. I've paid the price for who I am.

When I was younger I acted that way as a defense mechanism. I was lacking in self confidence and found my ability to entertain made me feel better. Now that I am into my 30's, I continue on because it feels good to have people laugh at something you said. It is no longer something I do because I have to, but something I do because I want to - it is good for my soul. Along the way I've come to realize that if anything, my insistence on being this way has made me a more mature individual. I am able to realize what I am doing and how it impacts people's perception of me. Beyond that, I have gotten to the point where I don't care if it impacts me in a negative fashion. Having to overcome this perception has made me a stronger, more confident person. Show me somebody who insists on suppressing who they are in order to impress people, and I'll show you somebody with a shattered ego.

What does any of this have to do with the most recent online poker hullabaloo?

Plenty.

For some reason the perception of poker players, especially high stakes regs, is that they are somehow wise and intelligent beyond their years. If you go back and read any amount of the comments to Haseeb's blog from the past couple of years and you will see a reverence generally reserved for historical figures like Lincoln or Churchill. For the same reason people see me as a 32-year-old 13-year-old, people saw Haseeb as though he was a 21-year-old 50-year old. His age has been completely ignored, when it is actually the clear answer to, "Why, Haseeb, why?"

While I am no wise old owl, the fact that I am some 8-10 years older than the average online poker aficionado, defined here as those who are regulars on 2+2 and other training sites, gives me at least some ability to look at this situation and say, "If Haseeb was 32, he'd not have allowed this to happen." This is true for those who choose to believe both main sides of this discussion:

As a former 20-something, I am well aware that everybody thinks they are WAY more with-it than they are - people who are successful young, even more so. Let's be honest for a moment. If you are 22, rich, and able to basically print money because of your ability to play poker, you are almost guaranteed to have a warped view of reality. Because you worked hard to achieve what you did, you are granted a high level of self-worth, making you apt to have an even more messed up sense of things. The fact is that in a maturity contest, education and family history being equal, I'd take a down-and-out 22-year-old over a very successful 28-year-old any day of the week, and it aint even close.

Men and women are shaped by their past - the tougher the decisions, the more difficult the path, the more life experience. I can name a number of people I know who range from their early 20's to late 40's who have an incredibly inflated notion of their own wisdom and maturity yet would laugh hysterically at the assertion that I trump them in this very category. They've been fortunate to have things go their way, making bereft of the hardships that a "normal" person has endured. Show me a millionaire that has never worked an $8/hr job, and I will show you a person with a warped sense of self and a distorted view of the real world and how it works.

I am certainly not suggesting that there are not exceptions to any of what I've said. And please keep in mind this is all based on assumption of the health of individual's surroundings and overall mental state from the time they are born until present day (I am not talking about the children of an abusive father here). I am speaking in strong generalities based on years of self reflection and the societal analysis of a thoughtful and introspective person. These words have been my opinion presented as fact, because to me, they are.

The moral of the story is that all three principals in this scandal are 21 or younger. They have all been rich beyond dreams since before they were old enough to graduate college. The fact that more of our young poker hero's haven't done something that ranks 100/100 on the retarded scale is an absolute fucking miracle. Considering how we glorify insane, ridiculous, and irresponsible actions like prop bets that threaten the health of friends, it is pretty lol when we get upset because some young kid acted like a kid often does. That there are legions of 20-somethings decrying the actions of DIH and JM when they would have acted the exact same way if they had been in that situation is probably the biggest single source of outrage that I have over all of this.

I know that a lot of you are rolling your eyes thinking I am crazy.

"If I was young and wealthy I'd be different"

"I would never let this happen"

"I am too responsible to go busto, especially if I had that kind of money"

"I would think it through more"

I hate to break it to you, but you are probably not that one guy who at 23 has the wisdom of a man at the top of the mountain. And if you think that you are, all I can say is that your belief is proof that I am right.

-Jeff

Edit: Fixed AA hand history

After living in Vegas for 2 months, I finally got out to a card room (Red Rock) to put in a proper session. Because of the players at my table, and one next to us, it was absolutely the most interesting night I've ever spent playing. But first, some hands...

-The 5th or 6th hand of the night, I picked up KK and raised to 15 from the blinds, folding out 2 of the 3 limpers. Flop was AXcXc. I bet, he called. I led the turn, a blank, and got called again. At this point it was clear he had an ace. River was ck/ck and he tabled A7o. I lost about $60, which was the worst hand I suffered all night.

-Interesting hand of the night: AA on the button!!! There were 3 limpers, I made it 17 and got 3 callers (BB came along). Flop: 59Qr. BB, older guy who just sat, leads 50 into ~65 (he has ~75 behind). Very tilted guy (he had taken a 3 outer and lost QQ AIPF in the last 20 minutes) to his left thinks and tilt calls (~50 behind). Drunk guy shoves for 45 total. I put the drunk guy on exactly 55. From watching him play, I think he puts in a PFR w/ 99, AQ, and KQ and know he does with QQ.The bottom o f his range is QJ, which is unlikely with a big bet and call in front (he had proven he could fold here). As far as the other two guys, I was sure one of them had to have a big Q and was pretty confident that neither would not fold a hand like AQ to a shove. BB fit the profile of a guy who overplays TPTK and tilted guy wasn't going anywhere with the size of the pot. I'd find it hard to believe that the BB would bet so strong on such a dry board with 9's or Q's. Tilted guy could have anything from Qx to JT to Q9. Based on all of that info, I decided to shove, sure I was getting called somewhere. I got called in BOTH spots. The board bricked out, drunk guy tabled 5's, tilted guy mucked, I suspect with JT, and BB tables two black aces for a chop of the side pot. I lost ~30 on the hand.

-KdJx on the CO, one limper, I make it $10, btn flats, hu to the flop: T62dd. I cbet 16, btn calls. The btn is a station. If he limped a hand pre, he was calling a raise 100% of the time. He chased draws and ALWAYS bet when checked to HU. Turn is a Q. I thought about betting, but realized I am not repping much by doing so, esp vs a guy who is likely not folding any of his range here. I decided to check/call and bet any 9, A, K, or diamond. I got the diamond, led $28, and raked the pot.

-The one hand I REALLY wish I had back.... AsQx in LP 6-handed. I raise to 10 and get called in one spot by a blind. He is a young guy, seems to be not a great player, but our history is only a few orbits. Flop is T52ss. He checked, I bet 11 and he min raised to 22. I called, looking to take it away as I put him on a vulnerable made hand like JT, etc. The turn is a blank and he checks, which makes me sure he has 66, 77, 88, 99, or Tx. I feel like I could have bet here and fired any river and gotten a fold a ton of the time. Instead, I decide to check and bet the river. Not sure if I like that choice, but whatever. The river is a great card, as the K falls. He checks and I, for who the fuck knows what reason, tank for a minute and check back. I just completely bailed on the plan.........no clue why......just terrible. Before he flipped his cards over, I called out his hand, he smiled, and I mucked as he tabled QT.

Other than that I had about 15 pp's that saw a flop and I didn't make one set. I looked down at AQ, AJ, KQ, KJ, QJ, etc. about 5000 times and never really made a hand. I didn't win a single showdown and only won one hand that saw a river. It was a pretty painful night poker-wise.

All that said, it was a great deal of fun socially. I had a drunk Armenian to my right all night. He had a friend by his side whot is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu instructor that has his belt under a Carlson Gracie black belt (I forget his name). It was pretty awesome to talk to him - he clearly knew his shit. He said he hosts Rousimar Palhares whenever he is in town. Anybody that follows UFC or BJJ knows that dude is a f'n killer. His leg locks are SCARY. This guy keeps good company! Oh, I forgot that he said he often works as a body guard for the Saudi Royal Family when they are visiting anywhere on the West Coast. He spoke fluent Arabic, which is how he got the jig.

So these two Armenian guys have another friend sitting at the 2/5 table right next to us. It turns out he is John Dolmayan, the long time drummer for System of a Down. I have been a big System fan for more than a decade, so it was very cool to meet him and chat with his friends. They were all very nice guys who ended up giving me a standing invite to their private UFC parties at Red Rock. I look forward to taking them up on it and hopefully someday scoring some System tix and/or BJJ lessons.

Speaking of the drunk Armenian...he was massively entertaining. He ragged on everybody at the table, but it was in a non-douchey and pretty funny way. He had us all in stitches for 5 or 6 straight hours. One of his favorite targets was Frank.

Lets talk about Frank for a bit!

This dude sits down with $150, a big ugly watch, and a stripper looking girl (later confirmed when her friend, who was CLEARLY a stripper, came over to chat). He isnta-noticed my CR shirt (I wasn't thinking when I got dressed) and asked me where I got it. I told him I work here, which was the end of the discussion. Or so I thought. 10 minutes later he asked me who I knew at CR. As I kinda had my spider senses tingling, I told him, "everybody." And that was the end of the discussion, or so I thought. Fast forward 10 minutes:

"You know Brian?"

"Hastings or Townsend?"

"Townsend"

"Yeah"

"He is a good guy"

"Yeah, he is"

"What about leather ass?"

"Yeah, a bit"

And that was the end of the discussion. Or so I thought.

Basically, he was BEGGING me to ask him who he was. He really wanted to tell me....you could see it. Finally he couldn't take it any more and handed me his business card:








He proceeded to donk off all his money in the weakest possible way. This guy was so weak it was amazing. He kept check/guessing, putting himself in spots on the river where he had to decide to call/fold. Inevitably he ended up folding and saying, "I'll let you bluff me this time."

A bit later a guy sits and sees the business card before rolling his eyes and saying, "That guy was here?" According to this dude, Frank is totally busto and known as one of the worse regulars in Vegas. I guess he also had a booth of some sort at the WSOP. It also bears mentioning that the drunk Armenian spent the rest of the night flashing Frank's card every time he was in a big hand, trying to intimidate people. It was pretty funny.

This morning I checked out Frank's book on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Eat-Professional-Poker-Players-Alive/dp/0578011271/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311787872&sr=8-1). Here are two of the four reviews:

"This is far and away the worst poker book I have ever read. I didn't even buy it, someone gave it to me because they said it was the worst book they had ever read and they didn't want it anymore. I couldn't even make it all the way through the book with all of the grammatical errors, spelling errors, and idiotic sentences. If you have watched any poker on TV, you know more than you could ever learn in this garbage rag. I would bet money that anyone giving this book a positive review is the actual writer of the book or someone related to him."


"I read the first half of this book out of morbid curiosity after playing live poker at the Venetian with the author a while back. The guy is a terrible player, and the book is horrible. If you play regularly with someone you'd love to beat on a regular basis, give them this book as a present. If they're dumb enough to read the whole thing, they're bound to become worse.

Apart from that, avoid this book."

lulz

Overall I really like Red Rock's room. The play was much more passive than I am used to on the strip (not that 1/2 or 1/3 is that aggro anyway) with a virtual lack of complete idiot donators. I am going to try and put at least 2-3 more sessions in before I decide if I am OK there or need to venture to the tourist-rich lands of MGM, Mirage, etc.

-Jeff

I just got home from home. Translation: We just flew back to Vegas from South Dakota. My Great Aunt Lillian passed away Sunday morning after short battle with pneumonia. Don't be too sad for her - she was 91 and still living at home alone on the farm she and my Great Uncle helped build. But before I get into all that, I have a little story about a confrontation I had with a flight attendant a couple hours ago...

We were in row 23 (of 30), which was one ahead of the exit row. I had the aisle, my wife the middle seat, and my daughter the window. During preflight instructions a flight attendant came back to address those in the exit row. One of the people sitting there looked perhaps too young.

staring directly at the kid, and in a very annoyed, snotty, and totally unnecessary tone

"How old are you?"

"16"

long uncomfortable pause

"When did you start driving?"

"I got my permit in March"

long uncomfortable pause

"Have you read the emergency instructions?"

"No"

"You need to. Now."

Then she began her spiel about being in an exit row, in which at some point she stared him down and said, "YOU MUST BE 15 YEARS OLD TO BE IN AN EXIT ROW." Once she walked off, the kid decided he was going to grab her and show her his ID to prove his age. When he did, she just said, "OK" and walked off.

Sometime during this, my wife reminded me that this attendant worked a previous flight we took with the same carrier (Allegiant). I didn't recall, but Amber said that she was quite rude to several people on that flight as well. That occurred more than a year ago, and Amber still remembered it.

About 10 minutes after takeoff, my daughter said very worriedly, "I just pooped in my pants." We'd not yet been cleared to move about the cabin, but I decided that this was enough of an emergency that it couldn't wait for anything. I grabbed her and went back the 7 rows to the bathroom. As we were returning, we had to step into an empty seat to wait for two attendants to go by with the snack cart. The bitchy one stopped....

"Sir, it is NOT safe to be out of your seat"

"I understand that, but my 4-year-old needed to use the bathroom. There was no waiting."

"It is NOT safe to be out of your seat"

"The alternative would have been to let her shit her pants."

I said that pretty loud and in not that friendly of a tone. Then I turned to walk away. She grabbed my arm.

"Sir, it is my job to inform you that it is NOT safe to be our of your seat. Please don't argue with me."

At this point I was pretty fucking heated. She was attempting to make an example out of me or embarrass me or whatever. I am not sure if I looked liked a rookie traveler or what the fuck her issue was, but I've flown a lot over the last several years. And in that, I've seen 7-8 examples of parents rushing with their kids to the bathroom during ascent or descent. In no instance have I ever seen an attendant so much as say a thing to them. When a kid has to go to the bathroom, they HAVE to go NOW. If they don't do it in a bathroom, they are doing in their seat. Those are the options. Period.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend 3 hours in close quarters next to a kid with pants full of shit:

1. shit stinks
2. kids cry and scream when sitting in their shit

Not my idea of a good flight. So I did what I had to do.

I understand it was her duty to say something, and that's fine. Had she not been a cunt and informed my of my error, I would have said what I did, explaining the situation, she would have nodded, and life would have been great. Instead, I got treated as though I was riding a unicycle while juggling flaming swords and a live rattlesnake.

I so badly wanted to tell this bitch to fuck off. I wanted to get in her face. I wanted to spit on her. But I don't really wanna go to jail. So I made some snotty remark about how I understood, called her a cunt under my breath, and sat down (where I continued to call her names, much to the bemusement of the people around us).

As we exited the plane, my wife heard her tell another attendant, "She is the one who was in the bathroom".

Fucking cunt.

-------------------------------

I grew up on a farm that was 2 miles from my grandparents and 3 miles from my Great Aunt Lillian and Uncle Tony. We all farmed together, seeing each other daily throughout my childhood. Tony and Lillian got married in their 40's and never had kids of their own, so they became unofficial grandparents to my mom and her siblings. Once they grew up, that treatment was deferred to their great-nieces and nephews. Uncle Tony passed way almost a decade ago, leaving Lillian alone on the farm. My parents, and to a lesser extent, because he has young children, my Uncle Carl, took care of her. She got around well enough, able to cook and clean and go to church on her own. But when it came to longer drives, like the 35 miles to Aberdeen to see the doctor, she relied on my parents. We have all been extremely close this past decade. Enough so that we named our daughter "Ava Lillian" in her honor.

She contracted pneumonia a couple weeks ago. My mom took her to the doc, who gave her meds. It didn't really clear up, getting worse over the weekend. A week ago Tuesday they ended up taking her to ER via ambulance. Once in ICU, things looked like they'd be OK. But on Friday, her condition worsened to the degree that it became clear she wouldn't make it to the 4th. She passed away about 4:30am Sunday morning.

Being so far from home during all of this was very difficult for me. I waged an internal battle, questioning my decision to be here. I really can't explain how hard this was to deal with. I guess I kinda knew that I may never see her again when I said goodbye. She was the only person who caused me to openly weep as we hugged before I took off.

As I have for each of my other grandparents and my Uncle Tony, I eulogized her. Considering how much I've grown in the 10 years since I last did one, I think this was my best. It was not easy and took me around 4 hours in total to complete. I'm not sure anybody reading this cares, but I feel compelled to post it, so heregoes...

Grandma Schwab and I put in a lot of hours together when I was younger - she was the go-to baby
sitter. One of my earliest memories is of us listening to a cassette of The Muppets in her '84 Tempo on
the way home from Aberdeen.

I was to be able to spend a lot of time in my teens with Grandpa Schwab and Uncle Tony, listening to
them argue in the shop about, well, everything.

When I reached adulthood, between my softball games and our visits to her house, I saw Grandma
Miller at least twice a week.

Then, much too quickly, they all passed. Somebody had to step in to fill their shoes.

It is not that Aunt Lillian was never there, but now she was there more. Or maybe she wasn't? Maybe it
was just that without John, Carol, Tony, and Helen, I noticed and appreciated her presence to a degree I
hadn't before.

As a 10 year old, mowing her lawn for minutes at a time, working my way towards the first of a half
dozen water, candy, or ice cream breaks, I didn't necessarily appreciate what I had.

As a teenager, spoiled by being surrounded by everybody I knew and loved, I hadn't really learned the
lesson of how here today and gone tomorrow life really is.

But as a young adult, I started to get it. I needed her more and she came through.

Aunt Lillian became a regular at softball games. She started showing up at Easter and New Years day
dinners at my dad's sister Rita's house. Two or three times a year she took us all out to dinner, simply
for the joy of treating us.

It is not that she wasn't there before, but now, with Grandpa and Grandma and Uncle Tony gone, she
needed us nearly as much as we needed her. She relied on us for something as simple as getting her out
of the house, and we relied on her for more complex things, like being the last bastion of the old guard -
our link to the past.

Perhaps the most unique thing about Aunt Lillian is that she was never cross. Well, not never, but
certainly never in front of me. I quite literally have no memory of seeing her upset, frustrated, or
even mildly irritated. I've never heard her say a bad word about anybody. She was always in the most
amazing of spirits, even throughout her final days.

When I awoke on Sunday and learned that Aunt Lillian passed earlier that morning, the first thing I
did was call my mother. I asked, "What were her final words?" Mom told me that the last thing Aunt
Lillian had said to her was, "Well, this is a bummer." I don't know about the rest of you, but if I am in a
hospital bed for more than 10 seconds I skip right past "bummer" to words that are, you know, bit less
dignified. Yet there she was, fully aware of her mortality, of the gravity of the situation, and all she cared
to elicit was, "This is a bummer".

A bummer indeed.

This is the first in at three part series chronicling the relocation of my family from a small town in North East South Dakota to Las Vegas. Due to the surrounding circumstances, what I've written is intensely personal and often emotional.

Thank you for reading and please, as always, leave copious feedback.

Other things of note about the move itself:

-The moving truck overheated twice. The first time was just West of Denver in the mountains. The second was in the mountains again, this time in Southern Utah. Both times it was a matter of pulling over for 20 minutes to let it cool. The stop in Utah was actually pretty amazing. I was a bit ahead of our caravan so I got out and wandered a few hundred feet to the top of a deep gorge. It was beautiful, one of Mother Nature's finer landscapes.

Speaking of Mother Nature, the drive from Denver to Vegas was spectacular. If you ever have a long weekend to blow and live in the area, you owe it to yourself to make the trip. I can't tell you enough how beautiful of a drive it is.

-During the descent of the aforementioned mountains in Utah, we had a couple events. The first was some really strange weather. It went from 85 degrees to 45 in about 15 minutes. The change brought sleet and hail.

We also had our only gas incident of the trip around this time. I had 3/4 of a tank when we set out in the morning. Generally speaking, that should have been good for about 300 miles or so. Then we hit mountains and went about 200 miles between gas stations. The last 20 miles I kept it at about 40mph to conserve fuel, even shifting into neutral and coasting down any slopes. When we pulled in to a gas station, I took a pic of my gas gauge. Filling up took almost exactly 1/4 gallon under my tank's capacity.

-My dog's ears wouldn't pop. This lead to her yelping and howling as we climbed and descended. To comfort her I put her in the front seat of my truck so she could snuggle up. Once there, she sat on my lap, her head pressed into my chest so firmly that it felt like I was breathing while submerged in wet cement. 60 pound dogs do not belong on your lap in a car, or anywhere else for that matter.

-I ate a lot of Apple-O's.

We finally pulled into Vegas on Sunday night at about 8pm. Coming over a hill to see the city was a watershed moment.

The following morning, Monday the 30th, we got signed onto our lease and started unloading the truck. Two friends, Joe Coplan (asufan23) and Jesse Knox (knox828), come over to help. Joe found a box of rubber gloves and a plastic princess crown. He looked adorable before having to jet a bit early. At least he plugged one of our toilets as a parting gift...

Jesse stuck around for the duration - he was the real hero of the day. Without his help I'd still be unloading. We ended the festivities by celebrating at a Chinese all-you-can-eat called Jumbo Buffet. The place was filthy, but the food was average (and cheap).

With my parents set to go home on Thursday, and Amber starting her new job, I spent the next two days leading the effort to unpack and settle in. This was interrupted by learning we messed up and booked flights for my parents on Wednesday. It was very upsetting, especially considering we had plans for them to see the touristy side of Vegas that night (I love playing tour guide). In spite of the bad news, we had an awesome lunch at a sushi place across the street (Sushi Yamaguchi....so good) and sent them on their way.

Somehow during the move both of our DVR's got messed up. The Direct TV installer had new ones mailed to us. Then there was an issue getting them set up - apparently there is an issue with some line in our building which I've found out prevents us from having both Cox and Direct TV. So now I need anew ISP. In all of this, we lost our DVR contents, including multiple season finales. Not a world ender, but yet another annoyance in this whole process. We still don't have it all fixed. Speaking of which, I need to make a quick call.

OK, back.

Thursday the 2nd was our 10th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, we had dinner at Rosemary's Restaurant on West Sahara.The food was quite good and the service was out of this world. From there we went to a Le Reve at Wynn. It was one of the best things I'd ever had the pleasure of attending. We were both blown away for the entirety of the 80 minute show. I'd see it again in a heartbeat.

On Monday I kissed Amber goodbye and hitched a 7am flight back to Aberdeen. I got in around 5pm, and was beyond happy to see my daughter was waiting in the terminal. After nine days without her, especially with all the mental turmoil I'd gone through, it was one of the best moments of my life.

The week was spent back and forth between my parents and my brother-in-law's house. Ava had two dance recitals, which were fun but stressful experiences. While I am not good at this particular aspect of being a parent - I don't do hair and makeup - it all went off without a hitch.

On Thursday we said our goodbyes to our family. Friday we awoke very early for our flight home. Ava had never flown before and was super excited. As is typical, we sat on the runway for what seemed like an eternity (I wanted to go home, Ava wanted to fly). Aside from that things went great. She was a trooper, even eliciting compliments from multiple passengers for her behavior.I beamed.

The story ends, for now, with me choking back tears as Amber and Ava were reunited after 14 days of being apart. I am honestly not sure where this adventure will lead from here. I do know that no matter what happens, even if we move back at the end of our lease, I will never consider any of this a failure. We did something so many others we know would never attempt. I am proud of that fact, even If I am still undecided as to the wisdom of it.

-Jeff