Hey guys,

A week ago or so i decided to give ftp another try, deposited a little roll an decided to see what i couldn do with 20 bis at 400nl. Oh well, not too much - i couldnt do the run good, and melted from hand nr 1 to 10k.

Losing 8k i dont care too much about, ive had 4 mnths in a row before march with 10-15k results. What makes it very meh for me is not beeing able to beat that game right now, at least not right of the bat. I have focused alot on 3handed games though as u might now, and done very well - i think the failure at ftp was a combination of me beeing rusty at 6max, playing only okish compared to what i can and unhot run of cards (ohwell, who runs hot anyway).

I couldnt accumulate one decent stack during the week, and basically struggeled all the way. Cards where as cold as i have seen and recistance obv hard - people fought back as id expect and i never had anything decent to play. Pretty much every "move" i did failed, and i was wrong on 9/10 herocalls and didnt see oponents miss too many draws.

Oh well i have just wired more cash to ftp as i am gonna turn this around. It was a kick in the butt and wakeupcall this; i might have had it too easy lately.

On the brighter side, 2 more weeks and i get my boat, finally !!!! It has been brutal to wire a ton of cash (to me anyway, 96k) for something u cant enjoy from day one. Wait is soon over.

Soo pokerresults in March is pretty much brutal atm, and my year total obv also took a severe dswing, but im motivated and im confident in turning this around as usual.

Hope all is well with you,
Dan

Hey guys,

I feel great. Today i can see that spring is soon to come, and i love this new light (lol). Im fed up with darkness and want summer.

Im 2-4 weeks away from finally getting my boat on the sea, wich is just beyond sick and unreal to me. I have never looked forward to anything this much before.

After last blogentry i have only played 2/4 and grinded 12 bis my way. Im proud of the fact that i didnt play higher levels. Few more weeks and im ready for another try at higher stakes. Wont be playing much more poker in february, a good month but also a month that stole 1 year of my life im sure. Frustration/sadness was high and i hated poker at times. Now when my mind has cleared up though, i realize that poker is soo good to me financially. This month im up 9,8k and im expecting 2k in rb. Its 5th month in a row, maybe 6th, with +10k result.

I think i have realized what my mainproblem is when it comes to my approach to poker. I dont think i have a problem with gambling (have to play), im pretty sure its me feeling i "should" play. So i force myself to play even though i often dont wanna play at all. On days like that losses will make me feel terrible. So..

For march my nr one goal isnt volume of hands or even hours (think hours will be ok anyway), but balance is some way. I will allow myself to not play some days if i dont wanna, and will implement more social activities to boost happiness-level - maybe this will also improve pokerresults.

Life is good atm, im looking forward to march, spring and summer.

Hope all is well with you,

Dan

Hey guys,

Im in some kind of mental trouble for sure, and its eating me up right now. I cannot get my head str8, and i keep making the worst possible choices for myself. These choices again makes me feel like an idiot and its embarassing tbh.

Yesterday in ex i started playing 400nl, but ended up playing 5000nl. Basically playing horrible at 400 combined with never ever having a hand and bluffing into sets or better. Frustration then lead me to thoughts like, "hmm ok gamble 3k and if i drop that i still have this and that". How these shots work out means little, cause obv its a one way ticket to bustwille longterm. Even when realizing what im up againt, i jump into it, and it scares the hell outta me and makes me sad.

Not too brag, i have no reason to brag either, cause i have acted like an idiotbox, but all this silly chioces is also made after winning prob close to 20k last 30 days. This makes me understand even less whats going on. I mean, if i was stuck tons it would make more sense to do idiotic things, but after performing ok somehow its bizarre.

Anyone here who have seen my ups and downs the last years, wanna share what they think is the case with me or maybe have any tips on what i can do to get my thoughs/chioces on track?

Hope all is well with you,
Dan

Hey guys,

Seems i wasnt gonna be a 5/10 reg yet, as i lost my mind 2 days ago and reached almost max on the frustration-meter. Im bummed this happened, still theres nothing to do about it.

I have spent hours today trying to understand how my mind works, it sure is a weird mind.
1 month ago i deposited 2,6k and while playing midstakes i have (after a little setback) turned it into 19k. These 19k was cashed out in fury and madness while feeling the pokerworld was rigged against me (3 days of mild recistance). Basically couldnt handle 3 days of even/small loss and went totally crazy. I mean, i have been semicrushing the games i have played but still chooses to go bananas. I dont understand why this happens.

Ok..so i decided to to the small dep again (same site, diff skin) and dep 5k and will grind 2/4 again for a week or 2, then try to move up in stakes, this time hopefully without going crazy if i face some losing sessions. I have gotten a very good start and already at 8k.

Hopefully i can keep my mental balance this time and finally move up up and away.

Hope all is well with you,
Dan

hey guys,

Lately poker hasnt been too much fun and today it reached a new low. I just ended a short session where i couldnt get anything going. Cards are as dead as can be and today i played my C-game in addition.

My mind gets a a little fked up and i am just amazed to see what hands my opponents can flash in my face. Yesterday i did 2 herocalls in a row (what a bad sign..), like Ahigh calls, and villain had boated up both times (same guy). When i do the bluffs i seldom get called but just instashoved on. Tbh i have never gotten that, some periods it seems i bluff into the stone cold nuts time and time again. Im sure im a dream to play against at times.

Damage isnt bad at all, still im kinda uncertain how to proceed. I just signed up at devilfishpoker and thought ab trying the entraction-network for some time. Also it crossed my mind to cash out all pokerfunds and collect my thoughts, but that shouldnt really be neccesary. Probably just need a few days off.

Take care,
Dan

Hey guys,

If anyone who read yesterdays blogentry thought that i couldnt stay away from poker, they were right. I couldnt even stay away for 10 hours before i was back playing. Obviously losing the days profit. Today i played again, so no break as of yet.

I have to admit its embarassing and dissapointing to realize i have no selfcontrol when it comes to stepping away for a few days. Its really sad tbh, but today i got a wakeup-call.

I talked to my pokerbuddy Thomas, who pinpointed some things for me. I have no balance in my life. Its poker, poker and more poker (vids, forums, railing, playing, talkin poker, watching others plays etc etc). especially the last 7 days have been insane, with a dswing starting last friday, then striving to get back on track from then.

From monday things are gonna change, they have to. Not like starting monday to eat healthier, then crack on wednesday - cause i have to change for real. Starting monday this happens:

1. Swimming/working out 3-4 times a week

2. Max 4 hours a day playing poker (at least until i feel i have control over myself)

3. Stop saying to myself i "have" to play, if i dont feel like playing, turn of the pc and do something else, like normal people do.


4. Reduce time spent in front of pc to half and use that time to normal activities.

That was it for now. If someone sees __Snowman__ playing Ongame this weekend they receive 1k.
EDIT: trying to get hm to work, gonna play a few 50nl hands to see if hm imports.. no 1k to the ones who see this.

Hope all is well with you
Dan

Hey guys,

After a bad day at the tables yesterday i made back that loss today (1,7k). Problem is i play kinda horrible poker and today especially i laughed at myself many times. Im sure i couldnt fold 89os one single time and got in the "lets see a flop-phil helmuth-mode. I hit a few hands today and got lucky to win back yesterdays loss.

Its time for a day off, hopefully and probably two. After the big drop last friday/saturday wich was stressful somehow, i have grinded my way almost back, but since i have decided to play uber-bad poker, probably because patience and mindset is screwed up, some time away will be good. If i start playing later or tomorrow im gonna seek help.

So, january has been a good month, incl bonuses its 3rd 15k month in a row. Again i have trouble to be superhappy about it - i mean 15k is fantastic, its more hmm im not sure why... Oh i know why, its because im still stuck at 2/4 still and cant move the f on.

Best part about this month has been running a 2,6k deposit to 15,6.

Most anoying part is not having results properly tracked, cause Ongame and HM hate each other (if anyone has a tip please let me know, import..). Im sure i got in my 100 hours though, and hrrate is fine.

Hope all is well with you,
Dan

Hey guys,

Im almost fully recovered after the dowswing, beeing stuck only 1,5k from the 8k peak. The month may still be a super one with potential to be the best ever for me, as im up ca 15k incl rb so far. I dont think i have ever hit 20k.

I seem to absolutely crush 2/4 3handed games. I dont have numbers on it cause i dont get my hands imported proprly to HM (might have to change to PT3 if i find out thats ok for Ongame). Guessing i beat it for 15ptbb, and tbh i feel its sustainable even though it sounds insane and i might be totally wrong. But when u play a 3h game, with 2 guys playing 90% of their smallblind, ur edge will skyrocket.

A few more ok days and im ready for 3/6 again, trying to move up for the 19th time. I feel im so close now for whatever reason. I have a feeling i play 3/6 and 5/10 within 1 month.

Im trying to pick up plo, as most people do these days. Seems the games at middle stakes can be very good still, and i dont think its too late to jump on that train. Dont know where it will take me though, i have concluded several times before that that game is too sick for me when it comes to variance.

I am really proud of the dedication i have shown this month and also the ability to somewhat accept variance and annoying hands. I seem to instaforget about sickohands within a few minuts with only some exceptions.

Looking forward to another day at the tables tomorrow and hoping to be fully recovered after one more decent session.

Hope all is well with you,
Dan

Hey guys,

This weekend i totally crashlanded and found myself stuck 8k at one point on saturday (madness started friday, as usual). I believe i played ok but where not too lucky in keypots and when i shoved for value i had like one out to improve (a10 on 710210 vs 77).

As usual i backswonged - i moved back down to 2/4 and have grinded 5k my way. yay me. Things will be good, i hope to get rest back within rest of week. Then i will imidiately try 3/6 again, hopefully with success this time.

hmm i have found out lately that i must be a very annoying person to know, just ask my gf. Lately i cant even get along with my pokerbuddies, wich sucks. What i have experienced the last years is that it can be hard to be supergood pokerbuddies when one is doing good and another struggeling. It shouldnt be that way, but for me thats how it is. Wondering if thats the case with others, or if its me sucking at this.



Hope all is well with you,
Dan

hey guys,

I still grind the 3handed games on Ongame and continue to do well. I think i mentioned earlier that i deposited 2,6k two weeks back; now that is turned into a 13,5k roll.

Now.. i remember reading in a well on 2+2, i think it was Jman (not sure) something about allowing urself to succeed. Thats what im planning on doing now. Obv the 2,6k could easy be busted (i dont play lower than 400nl) but since i have been running it up im gonna try to keep it up after this rule; Under 10k means back to 2/4, now i play 3/6 and when i hit 20k i will play 5/10 (i would bi like 700). Sure this isnt the typical BR-management we all know, but its also not totally curazy. Also there is another reason..

I sometimes feel huge frustration over the fact that i still grind 2/4 for the most part. Yea, sure many struggle at 50nl and 100nl, but i feel i have been playing 2/4 forever and never gotten up where i should be (cause games got so much harder last 2 years). Now im giving myself a chance to play higher games pretty fast, and if i fail its back down a level, hopefully recover then back up. If i blow the account its a 2,6k dep shot that failed.

Fwiw, and this is no bs: In 2007, i ran a 1k deposit on same account to 50k ! From 1st to 3rd may though i lost it all, most of it to the tennis player Boris Becker at 10000nl (omg) !!!. This has haunted me ever since and im now on a mission to hit 50k again. LOL, i will never forget the feeling when i had blown the last 10k bullet and found myself stearing at myself in the morrow in the bathroom. I felt like puking but jumped in my sneakers and went into the woods. Good for me i came back home.

Hope all is well with you,

Dan