I haven't felt much like blogging lately, because I haven't felt much like thinking about poker. I've been running pretty horrendously for the past 2 months or so: 6 days of breakeven or losing play, 1 heater. Rinse, Repeat. I've never been so depressed about being up 9 BIs. The final straw came about 10 days ago; I was playing this maniac fish HU at 50NL, and I just couldn't hold vs. him. I lost 4BI's due to him luckboxing, then lost the last hand because I actually thought to myself, "Fuck it, I can't win at this game" and called A high on the river when it was OBVIOUS he had at least top pair. Tilt like that really scares me, so I stopped playing. I don't want to be out of control.
The problem is, I really can't take a break from poker right now. It's all I have to do in this god-forsaken state (Maine sucks, if you're here for more than a week, you will begin to hate life guaranteed). So I watched Jackal's SNG series, withdrew $1k, and started grinding the $20 9 man's with my remaining roll. I'm still running awful, but it's pretty much impossible to tilt in these things, especially when you're playing 15 of them at once.
I'm planning on getting back to cash games in January when I get back to school, if I feel ready for it. Luckily, I have a very supportive coach, or I wouldn't be considering cashgames whatsoever.
Outside of the poker world, it's my birthday! Hooray. I don't think I've ever been so bleh for my birthday, but that's probably a mix of this awful state and the fact that I'm turning 20. At 20, you lose the excuse, "But I'm just a teenager", and gain absolutely nothing. As the judge told me, consuming alcohol is still "immoral" for 20 year olds. Another year to enjoy, I guess.