so it's 5am right now & i woke up at the crack of dawn because i feel the need to formulate my thoughts into words. a series of events transpired last night which has been bothering me & i couldn't get in a restful sleep because of it (the alcohol didn't help either). i feel like i never sleep well when i've got thoughts racing through my mind. in the future, i will attempt to blog as i wind down from the day, instead of first thing in the morning.
my night started out on a great note- met up with my friends/caught up, got in a few rounds of good ole' flip cup; basically the night just got off to a great start. anyways my good friend Gianni had been drinking generously since the afternoon hours since it's now spring quarter here in Davis (i'm a student at the University of California- Davis, although i'm currently taking the year off due to my decision to focus on other things, poker being among those things; something you all might have heard of...just maybe) & most of the privileged kids who don't have work/other responsibilities generally begin their social festivities earlier than usual because of the warmer climate. my friend was noticeably drunk (he's a tank so he was obviously on the brink of approaching his tolerance for alcohol) & had just gotten back from grabbing some grub with a couple of my fraternity brothers & we proceeded to head off to this rager (~40+ people) with a small group of people.
now let me preface by saying that i've never been a fan of huge parties. something about the mix of insecure college students (yes i realize i am generalizing here) attempting to drown out their anxieties with alcohol in a mob-mentality type environment generally doesn't sit well with me. you stand awkwardly in a crowded apartment, feeling suffocated by random strangers who stand less than an arm's length in every direction. add to this fact that there is mainstream rap/hip hop being blasted at a deafening tone (you can forget about having any semblance of a conversation) just makes me despise large get-togethers even more. i can't stand mainstream club music any more than my low tolerance for such low taste in social venues.
at any rate, we walk into this party in South Davis & what do you know? there is club music blasting with people aimlessly wandering around the apartment. i sensed a sea of lost souls. my bad i forgot to mention (this is important) before we walk in, we run into this questionable group of eastern Euros/foreigners (4-5 guys) & they immediately start hitting on my friend Kaita from the get-go. just a bit of innocuous flirting- "oh Kaita baby, what's going on", "honey you've got a nice skirt on". now this qualifies as a low sense of social intuition in my book but that is neither here nor there. the comments themselves were harmless, just serving to manifest themselves as an ego boost for the women we were with. now Gianni, being the good guy that he is, immediately becomes territorial. he goes out of his way to get between the girls (my friend Sarah is also getting hit on) & the Euros. he basically makes it known (passively but aggressively) that he's going to heroically play the role of the women's protector to prevent any shady dealings from going down.
now normally i'm all for this but you have to understand that Gianni was at the point in his drunkenness where his testosterone was probably close to its peak & to say that these euros were a suspect group would be an understatement, yes i know, more reason to protect the women right? but at this point it's just Gianni & i as the two men in our immediate group (our other friends were coming by a second car & hadn't arrived yet). we were outnumbered/ possibly out-weaponed- who knows what kind of heat shady people carry these days. the point is Gianni & i were in no position to start shit with these guys. yes yes call me a pussy/bitch/start questioning my manhood but personally i like having the use of my legs. add to this fact that i don't know how to fight (Gianni wrestled in high school/has some experience fighting) just made the situation that much clearer of what the right thing to do in my mind was- to AVOID confrontation, not welcome it. now you have to understand that not only was Gianni shithoused, he also had some drama with his girlfriend the night before & possibly had some (purely speculation here; i don't know if he actually did) pent up anger/frustration that he wouldn't mind releasing in a not so constructive way. you also have to understand that he is extremely protective of women that he knows in general- much more than most men. yes like i said, generally i am all for this but there's a time & place for everything. the point is he was not in a state of mind to utilize good judgment.
what annoys me off even more is that after getting back from getting pizza/immediately before rolling to this party, Gianni was lying on the couch (presumably to pass out), yet he still wanted to head out to the party with us. i felt like he was in no state to continue his night. he had been drinking for 6+ hours & was already noticeably intoxicated from when i joined them & subsequently continued to drink more as we pregamed for the party. now i personally felt like he shouldn't have gone out. i even went to ask the opinion of my other friend Sean (Sean is Gianni's roommate/best friend since childhood) & Sean took the position of to each their own. yes i am aware that Sean knows Gianni better than i do however i disagreed with Sean's decision to think that Gianni was in any mental capacity to continue his night/drinking. anyways as we entered the party, i immediately sensed the potential for (potential) drama to go down. i left the party & took a cab back to my place & crashed. now if i had to classify myself as to what type of poker player i am, i'd say i'm a feel player. i'd like to think i've had some success playing this game for 5+ years so i went with my gut instinct. i guess i was just being careful.
maybe part of me feels like i am above such childishness but i feel like all of this is warranted from my own personal experiences in the past of witnessing such retarded shit go down when college kids (yes, the vast majority of undergrads are kids) mix binge drinking with the potential for bad judgment. let me elaborate on one such incident. about a year & a half ago, i went to a bar in dntwn Davis with two of my fraternity brothers. we had been drinking moderately/generally just having a good night of bar hopping/socializing. i can say that David, who i've known since middle school, was in a coherent enough state of mind (we grew up together & started binge drinking waaaaay too early for our own good; something i am not proud of btw...the point is he was fine). not only that, we were having a blast- i had no idea he was about to get confrontational, with men you just never know i guess (we're aaanimals). as we get to the front of the line, the bouncer tells us that Brian (our other buddy) & I were fine to roam around the bar but David was too drunk to be admitted inside. an argument ensued which ended with David directly calling the bouncer a nig*** to his face (a fit black dude of course...is that racist to say?). yes i repeat, my skinny Asian friend called a yolked ass black dude a nig*** to his face...let that sink in for a moment...needless to say, shit hit the fan. this incident ended up with me having my face pushed aggressively into the pavement for 10+ minutes by another bouncer (this was completely unnecessary as i was both coherent & cooperative; FUCK POWER-TRIPPING BOUNCERS, i say that with a passion in case you didn't notice) directly outside of the entrance to the bar (all the commotion clearly made us the center of attention) as we waited for the police to arrive all because i tried to stop an enraged black man from pounding David into oblivion. i take that back. because this black man was called the most derogatory term in the English language, he would have sent my friend not to the hospital, but to his grave....i had no choice but to intervene. intervene in the sense of breaking up the fight, not become aggressive myself mind you. looking back in hindsight, i should have just let David have his death sentence; i simply cannot be around this guy when he's inebriated. i truly hope he can learn from this experience although sadly i have to say i am doubtful.
all of this drama happened because David couldn't get into a bar. whoopdy fucking doo. i mean, really?????????? i like to use the analogy of drunk driving my oldest brother once told me. 99 times out of 100 the police probably won't catch you. the odds are certainly in your favor (think getting one-outed on the river). however that one time you do get caught makes those 99 times you got away with it completely not worth even the remote consideration to drunk drive in the first place. for those of you who don't know the consequences of a DUI in this country, it is HARSH. i don't know what the exact punishments are but it is severe. not to mention every job application you apply for in the future will ask you if you've ever been convicted of a crime & you're going to have to check that box as a yes every. single. time. that won't bode well for you to say the least. now i like living so the question i have to ask myself (& David, i would hope) is is the potential for injury/possibly death in this case worth it to gain admission into a bar?? it's not like we're talking about life & death here people (although for David's ego, i guess it is/was). it's fucking lowly Froggy's in Davis. my lord, the things people do sometimes just baffles me; it truly does. never underestimate how stupid some people can be.
now i realize that David & Gianni are not the same person however the bottom line is i was placed in a situation where a lapse in one of my friend's judgment put me in (potential) harm's way. now having this previous experience fresh in my mind, i sensed the potential for a similar compromising situation to occur so i just walked away. now i realize that i may have overreacted a bit due to this past incident but i also feel that it was unfair of Gianni to put his high moral standards above everyone else- specifically me; i'd like to think i'm a good friend of his. maybe i'm being selfish here but so be it. now don't get me wrong, i've got moral values myself (is this credible coming from a rounder? jeez i don't know) but at times you should simply just suck up your pride. as i mentioned before, there's a time & place for everything. i feel like it's easy for people to lose sight of this at times, especially when people are drunk (no...). & no i'm not just singling my friends out here. food for thought.