So once again, I really destroyed myself in terms of poker. I had my worst day online since October, and it really hurt my bottom line for April. I went from having a great month, to a pretty good one. Overall, when I look at the bigger picture, I still made far more money this month than I could reasonably expect to, but I feel I made some big mistakes this month that I am going to do my best to rectify in the future. In fact, my goal for the months of May and June is to plug up some of the leaks I've noticed in my poker behavior and play. I've done this process continually throughout my poker career (honest self-evaluation followed by active steps to improve your weaknesses) and I think it helps a lot.

Here are the things I perceive to be my leaks (in order of importance):

1. Backing/taking a piece of players for higher stakes. This month I lost 55k backing/taking a piece of players. That is an absurd amount of money to lose, especially since I wasn't the one doing the playing. Backing has only ever been profitable for me when I backed lower stakes players and I had some strong influence on their play (meaning I coached them, reviewed hand histories for them, etc.). My new rule is to only back lower stakes players who I have a very close relationship with (meaning they will care about the money) and who I have an active interest in helping their game. Pretty much for me this means Bradsmitty or Ezra. When I think about it, had I not backed/taken a piece of people, this month would have been my second best month ever. I also have to be resolute when other players ask me to take a piece of them and just say no to crack. Also, backing/taking a piece of a LAG for a one-off is just plain dumb and way too high variance.

1a. Feeling badly about going alone to NYC games. This relates to the first point because I often back people to play in the high stakes NYC games because I feel badly going alone. At this point, I know enough people in the games that it doesn't matter.

2. Game selection. Now that I'm playing some of the higher stakes games I want to really make sure there is at least one soft spot and one weaker regular at the table before I sit down. 4 handed with mjorgenson and cts and kirrr is just not a good spot.

3. UB game selection (this relates to point 2). Now that the games are so dry on UB, it's nearly all regulars. I have to avoid playing in spots like these because it's simply not profitable. Not coincidentally, I lost money playing on UB this month, which is pretty crazy because UB had been my bread and butter for a while. But there is simply not enough good action that you have to pick your spots really carefully (this is especially true for HU). Also, it's harder to concentrate when playing multiple sites at once so I am better off playing one site at a time.

Things to do more of:
3. Play more heads up. For two straight months now I've put up big numbers playing HU. I feel really comfortable now playing HU and I am starting to dominate people. I remember when Taylor told me a while ago that if I ever learned to beat HU it would be like printing money. Amazingly, I'm almost unstuck lifetime from HU, and my goal for May is to get into the + for lifetime HU play.

4. Learn more about the math and theory of the game. I've always been a huge advocate about math and theory behind poker. In fact, some of my favorite people to talk to on IM are math/theory players like kerpowski, cts, and blaas. I really like the way they think about the game, and it I think math/poker theory are both very important tools that a player can have in their arsenal. I just had a session recently where I talked with my friend Olli (blaas) on skype and we talked a lot about different theoretical aspects of the game. It helped so much and it was probably the most productive hour and a half in terms of improving my game that I've had this month. If anyone has any suggestions about how to best improve my math skills in poker, please write them in the comments section or send me a PM.
Increasingly, I've found so many of the hands I have questions about nowadays have very heavy math components to them. I will just be that much stronger of a player once I practice and learn the math.

5. Play more live. The games right now are better than they ever have been in NYC and my hourly rate is very high in these games. I need to make time to play in them a couple times a week at least.

That's it for now; any thoughts on these points would be greatly appreciated.

David

Tax final is over. It was a 3 hour multiple choice race. Don't know how it went, but hopefully I will pass. In the meantime, I've been attending a few screenings at the Tribeca film festival, which have been fun. I really enjoy going to the movies and it's a good chance to see some independent films which I might not otherwise get to see. The poker/romance Lucky You is also having their gala opening here, but unfortunately you can't purchase tickets individually to a gala event individually. I COULD purchase a package for 1k that gives you a bunch of stuff including the gala opening of your choice, but that's just a LITTLE above my budget :).

In any case, I've been running absolutely insanely hot online. I'm talking, check calling bets in reraised pots and turning two outers. One really interesting hand I played was for a 5k pot at 10/20 v. Samh. He raises the button, and I wake up with AA in the small blind. I am a very active 3-bettor preflop, and while Sam is in general a tight player, he will raise the button with a fairly wide range. The BB is a very active player who I've noticed squeezing a bunch. I elect to call. I would say the BB will reraise approximately 20% of the time in this spot. If he doesn't, I have a disguised hand vs. Sam. BB decides to 3-bet. Perfect scenario for me. If Sam folds, I will 4 bet (or even just call) and it will be very hard for the BB to put me on a real hand. However, Samh decides to 4 bet!!! What a scenario. Samh might or might not have a real hand. He knows the BB is very aggro and is most likely squeezing. However, there is too much in the pot right now so I just 5-bet shove. Samh makes a questionable call with a suited connector 109dd, and amazingly, he doesn't hit. That's the way the end of the month has gone.

To show how much the way I've run has turned around, in October, I played a hand against Samh where I 3-bet him preflop with AA, he called with KK, and of course we get it in on an undercard flop and he hits with no problem on the river. Sufficie it to say, things have changed.

If it weren't for my backing losses I'd be in for a huge month (I really want to fix this leak of mine in the future, I've always struggled with backing, and this month I lost a truly ungodly amount). Nevertheless, my month still going to be pretty big unless something drastic happens in the next few days.

I have three more things to finish in my law school career. One take home exam and two papers. I just need to knock out a few pages each day of the papers and spend a day or two on the final and it should be OVAH.

Played what is probably my last live poker session for the month (finals and all). The game was had an interesting composition. Instead of having the 25/50 and the 10/25, BOTH games were 25/50, largely because a lot of the players who normally play the 25/50 could not get a seat in the main game to they made the upstairs game 25/50. I came a bit late as usual and got stacked for 9kish right off the bat.

The hand was kind of interesting. I raised 86dd from EP to around 300. Get 3 callers, including the small blind who I hadn't played before. Flop is decent, Q63 two diamonds. I have middle pair and a flush draw. I am almost certainly going to bet this flop, but the SB surprises me by leading out for 600. Now, this small bet would be a great play with a huge hand, but I thought he could have a wide range and I might get a free turn if I raised, so I raised him. Now this is where the hand gets interesting. The guy behind me who is a fairly standard TAG raises it to 5k MORE on top. The sb folds and it's back on me. I have around 6700 left. I think for a bit and decide I screwed myself by raising the flop, and I'm getting too good of a price on my money, so I called, and asked if he had a set of 3s. He said he was on a flush draw. That was good. River was a diamond, that wasn't good, as he had A2dd.

After that I calmed down and played very solidly for a while, making a few bluffs were intsacalled (reminder to self: don't bluff unless the board is sufficenntly scary enough that the opponent will fold a pair), but I got good value for my hands and was up. I also made a huge call against an opponent who I have played a lot against. He raised the hijack to 400 (blinds are 25/50/100 at this point), cutoff calls I 3-bet to 1700 with 76hh. He calls and says: "that's a big raise." Flop is K42 two diamonds, he checks and I c-bet 2400. He thinks for a while, acts like he is going to raise all in by stacking his chips, then decides to call. Turn is a 3. Chk, chk. River is a 6c. Flush draw missed, but there is a one card straight on board. He decides to bet all in. I was going to fold, but I thought for a long while, and worked out the logic of the hand and I called. He said nice call and as he had the Jack high flush draw.

I finally move downstairs late at night (I was going to go home but there was a seat open), and I play for an hour and play well and get good value with my hands while at the same time controlling pot size. Had a nice 32k win.

A lot of people went out to the Bellagio for the tournament, but I have to stay home and study. It's going to be tough, but hopefully I'll make it through these next three weeks.

dp

This recent tragedy has really affected me. The craziest part of all is that nearly every single thing he said in his video manifesto I've felt at one time or another in some way or form. I know a lot of people who have. Who hasn't loathed the hedonistic nature of rich kids when you are working some lame job for minimum wage?...Who hasn't gotten screwed over by a girl who treats you like absolute garbage? But how can he be in a writing workshop (I've been in a ton of these) and write absolutely insane, violent stories and plays and not have a fellow student reach out to him and try to understand him and help? Maybe they did, but I guess it wasn't enough. Nothing was enough. Or maybe someone should have tried just a bit harder to be his friend, to get him help. It is so easy to lose sight of the pain of others and focus on yourself.

I didn't have to do this. I could have left, I could have fled. But now, I can no longer run. It's not for me. It's for my children, for my brothers and sisters that you fucked. I did it for them.

You had a hundred billion chances and ways to have avoided today. But you decided to spill my blood. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. The decision was yours. Now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off.

You sadistic snobs, happy to be nothing but a piece of dog shit. You have vandalized my heart, raped my soul, and torched my conscience. You thought it was one pathetic boy's life you were extinguishing. Thanks to you, I die, like Jesus Christ. To inspire generations of the weak and the defenseless people.


Do you know what it feels like to be spit on your face, and have trashed shoved down your throat?
Do you know what it feels like to dig your own grave?
Do you know what it feels like to have your throat slashed from ear to ear?
Do you know what it feels like to be torched alive?
Do you know what if feels like to be humliated and be impaled upon on a cross. And left to bleed to death for your amusement?

You have never felt a single once of pain your whole life. Yet you want to inject as much misery in our lives as you can--just because you can. You had everything you wanted.

Your Mercedes wasn't enough you brats?
Your golden necklaces weren't enough you snobs?
Your trust fund wasn't enough?
Your vodka and cognac weren't enough?
All your debaucheries weren't enough?
Those weren't enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs?
You had EVERYTHING.

You just loved to crucify me. You loved inducing cancer in my head and terrorizing my heart, and raping my soul all this time.


When the time came, I did it.

I had to.

This month I've been putting a ton of pressure on myself. I started off the month by making a big mistake, and set the unrealistic goal of getting unstuck from that mistake. Instead, I should just learn from it, play my best poker, and let the results come.

I am almost done with law school. I have four more "things" to finish. One in-class exam, one take-home, and two final papers. That's a lot in the next three weeks, and I need to buckle down and do my best to finish. It's a big milestone for me because this is most likely the last school I'll ever go to. I'll do some reflecting on that in a future entry, but for the time being, I'm going to leave you guys with the lyrics to some of my all-time favorite songs.

Why? Nothing helps me relax more than listening to beautiful music, and great songs. Anyone who knows me knows that ever since I was about 12 years old I've had a walkman glued to my ears. I truly love music and appreciate how it allows me to relax and focus.

Here are four great snippets of lyrics from widely different genres of music (i've purposefully left out the artists). Each of these songs has the abillity to transport my mind to a place of repose, tranquility, and reflection:


I'm curious if any of you guys know these songs off hand and what your thoughts of them are. I think they are all amazing songs.

1. i'm capable of anything...my imagination can give me wings...to fly like doves over the streets watching many things...kids walking home from school...

2. see the pyramids along the nile...watch the sunrise on a tropic isle...just remember darling all the while...you belong to me...fly the ocean in a silver plane...see the jungle when it's wet with rain...just remember till you're home again...you belong to me...

3. my memories are clear as day...i'm listening to the dishes clink...you were downstairs you would sing...songs of praise...

4. let me be patient...let me be kind...make me unselfish...without being blind...though i may suffer...

david

I'm on a bad run in poker. My goal for the month, besides finishing up school and making sure I pass everything, is to get unstuck online from the 200/400 backing debacle. I was well on my way then I had an absolutely BRUTAL 20 minute stretch. Everything I did went wrong. Not to mention I lost two big hands last night in the live game and went from being up 20 to down 9. I really need to concentrate and lay hands down in big pots when people raise the river. They simply have the nuts every single time.

Here are the online gems:

1. http://www.pokerhand.org/?989997">http://www.pokerhand.org/?989997">http://www.pokerhand.org/?989997 (qq v. ak). I'm wondering if it's better to just call here and get it in on a blank flop?

2. http://www.pokerhand.org/?990003">http://www.pokerhand.org/?990003">http://www.pokerhand.org/?990003 (how do u play the turn?) This was a tough hand, I knew the J was a dirty card, because so many two pair hands got there. I wasn't sure if I should shove, bet/call shove, or cr shove. I don't think I can check fold this hand. I should have CR'd the flop.

3. http://www.pokerhand.org/?990006">http://www.pokerhand.org/?990006">http://www.pokerhand.org/?990006 (wasn't sure what to do here, I probably should have just called the 4 bet pre, then folded when he went all in on the flop).

4. http://www.pokerhand.org/?990015">http://www.pokerhand.org/?990015">http://www.pokerhand.org/?990015 (This one was tilt. I was hoping he would fold high cards, AJ+, and then I would gamble it up against an overpair. Him having spades really crushed me).



Sigh. Time to do some homework,
David

I finally got some hands to hold up in the live game, and had a very nice win. I started off the night down a bunch because of three key hands. I was playing the 10/25 first.

Hand 1 (10/25):
A few limpers I raise it with the 53o from the cutoff. A few callers. Flop is 532r. The blind who called preflop leads into the field for 800, getting everyone to fold. I look at his stack he has around 6k back. I make it 2300. I could just call here but I have a feeling he has a pair+draw so I'd like to get the $ in now. He shoves, I call, turn A, river blank, of course he has A5.

Hand 2 (10/25):
A few limpers I raise 65ss from MP. A few callers behind me, including the button who overcalls. Flop is K93 one spade, with the 3s. I check, chk, then the button bets very small, 200 into 800. I decide to call and seei f he shows weakness on the turn. Another guy calls in the middle. Turn is a 4s, I turn an open end straight flush draw. I chk, other guy chks and the button bets 700, which was also a small bet. I think he is really strong here and do not want to raise, so I just call the other guy folds. River 10. Board is K94310, all flush draws missed. I check, he bets 1k, leaving himself 4k back. I go to muck, but my right hand pushes 5k in the middle, putting him all in. He calls quickly with AK.

Hand 3 (10/25).
This one was tough, but I think I could have gotten away. 10/25 with a 75 straddle. Same player as hand 2 limps utg for 75, another guy limps, I make it 400 with KQhh. UTG+1 calls, other guy folds. Flop is Q45, one heart. He chks, I bet 600, guy check raises to 1600. At this point I do not know what range to put him on. I guess any queen, any 76, any set, any two pair (45) and air a small % of the time. I am probably behind his range, but I called. Turn 4. Now its less likely he has a set or two pair, but he bets big, 3500. I only have 5k left. I should have just folded, but I called and he had AA.

Hand 4 (25/50) 45k stacks effective:
I move downstairs to the 25/50 game, which is playing deep and also with a forced straddle (so the blinds are 25/50/100), and I quickly chip up by value betting some hands and by playing aggressively and taking pots down without showdown.

Then the hand of the night comes up. I have around 45k villian covers. There is a straddle to 300. I limp utg with 44, lots of limpers, the straddle checks his option. Flop is Kx4x2h. One of the blinds leads out weak for 700, the straddle makes it 2500 to go. I decide to flat call. Turn is Jh. He bets 6100. At this point I have to make a decision to raise or call. I can't ever fold. But we are very very deep and if I raise I might scare out worse hands. So I decide to call again. River is a bad card, the 9h. Any heart draw that he picked up on the turn now got there. He thinks for a wile, and bets out 20k. I go into the thinking box, try to figure out if he has a flush, and decide to call. He had a5 for the gutshot. Shipt it.

I wind up having a great session after being down early and cash out +42k. It gave me extra incentive to celebrate, as Ezra and I had a party yesterday.

A wide range of people came over, we had a blast, and we drank nearly everything we had.

This week I'm featured in "in the spotlight", check it out on the CR homepage.

David

Today I made a truly horrible decision, and was punished for it. A friend IM'ed me, asking me to take some of his action in the big game that was running on FTP. I looked who was in the game, and I saw the seemingly tough lineup. He lost a few hands, then lost a big cooler, and that was it.

I could care less about how my friend played, I am utterly livid at my poor decision making. I blew a huge sum of money (40k) on a pipe dream high variance gamble. I work so hard at my medium stakes games that for me to do something stupid like this is basically a slap in the face to all the hard work I have done. I really learned a number of important lessons from this, and I will not make the same mistakes again. I also learned that I am not able to tolerate such risks in investments I can't control.



EDIT: I was so infuriated, after going out to a nice dinner, I decided to take my anger out on my opponents at the poker table. I absolutely demolished everyone I played HU, and won 23k in about an hour. Almost recovered from the idiotic mistake. An expensive lesson, but one which I will learn a lot from in the future.

Here is the hand of the match. Look how deep we are, and look at this value shove.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?965203">http://www.pokerhand.org/?965203%0D">http://www.pokerhand.org/?965203

There is this saying that you should reach for the leaves and you might hit the branches, and if you reach for the branches you might hit the trunk. That sort of applies to how my month went. Early on in the month I was in a drawdown online, and after doing some analysis and deciding to play my A game every time I sat down to play, I was ready and prepared. I started to do well, and the numbers started pilling up. Couple that with some big live wins and I was nearing 200k. 200k is a nice, round number, that has a lot of ring to it. Empiremaker is famous for his 200 ball months, and while in the end I came just short of an Empiremaker, I reached the branches. All told, I cleared about 180k on the month. When I started playing online a little over a year ago, I never thought I would get good so quickly. I told myself when I started playing online that if I could make 30k a month I would be ecstatic. I am very very pleased with this result. I know I ran stone hot, as anyone who has that good of a month can attest to, but at the same time I think I played very well. I have taken my game to another level. I am trying my hardest to think through each hand, I'm trying to be creative, trying to use my image against people, and it's working out. Also, the thing I am most proud of this month has been my improvement in heads up play. Half my profits from online play this month came from HU. I am really glad I learned the game, and am still learning it--as Taylor said, beating HU is like having a license to print money.

Anyways, to celebrate the end of the month I kicked it with Taylor, doing it up in NYC, going to some really nice restaurants--Rosa Mexicano and Peter Luger's steakhouse (for an 11:45 a.m. reservation!)--and partying on Friday night at this club called Retox. DJ Lethal was supposed to be dj'ing there, but he never showed up, which I was a bit disappointed by, but the stand in DJ was decent enough. On Saturday night I took my friend Sean (ceczar online), a kid from Harvard who works at a hedge fund in the city out to a Harvard party, which was a lot of fun. I like having friends from different walks of life (college, writing program, law school, poker, random) because it gives me a wide perspective on different viewpoints, and helps me understand what motivates people to do what they do. Also, hanging out with the same type of person is boring.

Anyways, here are some pics which I think encapsulate the month.


Here is one of me on spring break in Paris, at the Musee Rodin, in front of my favorite sculpture. I actually bought a replica of this sculpture, called The Eternal Idol to have as a memento. To me it represents striving for something that might be indifferent to your desires. Whether it is a girl, lady luck, or any goal you want to accomplish, the thing you are pursuing really might not care about you. It's a hard but important lesson to learn, and makes you realize how important self-motivation really is.



Here is a pic of Ezra, Tay and me at Retox in NYC. The best part of the night was when the song "We Fly High" by Jim Jones came on. The chorus to the song, as most know, is the word "BALLIN!!" When the song is on, Taylor says to me: David, come here, indicating he is going to whisper something to me. He acts all serious and says: "David, most people don't know this...but I wrote this song." We both started cracking up.

Another funny Nick Shulman story from Tuesday night, he was telling us about meeting Patrik Antonious, and how Patrik talks about hands. When most people tell a poker story, it's usually a bad beat and they often start out with: "it was so sick", or "it's so sick," then proceed to say how they got sucked out on, etc. Patrik on the other hand, apparently tells cooler stories in his favor! He says it all with an eastern european accent.

Example: "Nick, eeet was sooo seeek. I had AA, Phil had KK, we go all in preflop. I win. Sooo seeek."

or, "How sick, flop ees K44, Ruugbee goes all in, I have KK, he has A4. Soo seeek."

I hope one day I am good enough at poker that all my stories are like that.

Unfortunately, I am not Patrik Antonious, so my stories go a little something like this:

Anyways, I took one last shot at hitting the goal for the month, and I was actually very close to hitting it after last night in the live game. I was down a lot early, then took a break, got a phone call, and proceeded to start playing very very well. I managed to lose KK v. AA all in preflop and still somehow be up 10k+ by the end of the night. I'm about ready to call it quits. Then, with 4 hands to go in the night, 5 handed 25/50 game, with my stack at around 40k+, guy raises preflop to 700, one caller, I call on button with 44 and the BB calls. Flop comes 964 two spades. BB checks, original raiser bets 2200, the next player to act quickly shoves all in for 18k. I think for a while, decide my hand is best, and reshove. Everyone folds. Turn 7s, river 2d. He has QJss. That is twice in two days that I got it all in in 40k pots with the other person on a stone flush draw. Just a horrible way to end the night. Amazingly, I was only down 4k on the night, which I think is a testament to how well I'm playing. I just wish the results were there for me in this particular game. It's very frustrating. So seeeek.

This weekend should be good, a party tonight with DJ Lethal spinning, and then another party saturday night for a college friend's birthday should be a good time. Also, Ezra and Taylor and I are going to Peter Luger's tomorrow at 11:45 am (crazy, but the only time we could get a reservation), and Luger's is my second favorite restaurant in NYC after Nobu next door, so I am very much looking forward to it.

Here's to running better next month in the live games. I really want to see just how much I could win if my hands hold up in this game, I feel if I keep playing as well as I am the results have to come,

David