Never blogged anything of any sort before but I thought starting one would be a good idea since I'm getting really seriously involved with poker now and this might help me get a different perspective on my game, give me an op maybe to log of swings I go through and provide a forum to jot down any new poker revelations I might have.

Today I thought it would be fun for myself to begin with how I got started in poker. Well I'm asian, my childhood friends are asian, so naturally we've been gambling with each other almost all our lives. I remember when we were 17 our first trip we ever took was to reno so we can chance sneaking in casinos so we can degen on some slots. We use to cut class so we can play cards with each other for dollars, and we've been sports betting since we were 14. So small time we use to have to pool our money together to make the local bookies min bet. When you grow up asian gambling is what you do for fun I guess. Unlike my friends however, I was an avid chess player and had reasonable understanding of objectively creating advantages in games and trying to play an optimal strategy. Sounds like pretty standard logic to any decent poker player, but if you've ever had a mindset of a gambler you know to trade logic of optimal strategy in exchange for indulgence of the highs and lows of variance. My friends got into poker first when we were 23 or so, but with my affinity for gambling coupled with my chess background, not surprisingly I'm the only one who stayed committed to learning the game beyond recreational gambling. Started out like most people during 2003ish during the moneymaker craze. Going to home games 3-4 times a week, played mostly for fun though. My main focus was still in chess. But as time passed, our group casino trips started to become less about blackjack, and more about poker, not wanting to be left out I started to play too. Slowly became a regular brick and mortar player, crushing the 100nl games at casinos, mainly because people suck and don't know what they are doing. Al ot of them probably ventured from the blackjack table somewhat knowing the rules and are def ready to gamble. Either way I didn't know that, I just knew I was winning regularly and I thought my skills at poker were absolute, commonly taking more than 5 buy ins a night. Looking back though I can honestly assess that I was a not a terrible player, understood good starting hands, fair but elementary idea of how to play position, but all in all was a nit playing against an army of terrible players. Like most brick and mortar players, I use to get destroyed online even at the micro stakes, for which i attributed to me not being able to see the players, even though I now know my game was just too lacking to be successful at any stake outside of 100nl live, which I feel is the softest game of poker you can find almost anywhere. In terms of my online career, I was the typical micro donk depositing 50-100 at a time and usually going busto/reloading. This went on from maybe 2005-2008, at its peak adding up to maybe 2k in deposits with 0 in withdrawals. Didn't care though, was making plenty of money from live so 2k over 3 years was chump change. On top of that I was making good money working as a financial broker.

Never really felt poker was going to be a huge part of my life, just a hobby to replace chess at most but then my life took a ugly turn and became as volatile as a five buy in bankroll for heads up plo. And by early 2008 my life roll went absolutely busto. Quit my pretty good paying job and moved out of town to be with a girl who just dumped me, about 14k in debt to the IRS+CC, and just starting on the lowest paying jobi've had in years, literally a fraction of what I use to make . Didn't help that the job blew goats. To top it off, girlfriend threw me out and for the first time since age of 19 I was living at home with my parents. Just an epic fall to humility. I was so broke had to wait two weeks to save up 20 bucks from a paycheck so I can redeposit online because i felt playing 100 nl was not an option, that seemed like nose bleed stakes for what I could afford at the time. All in all, at 27 I felt like a fraction the man I was at 24. GG life.

I still remained optimistic though, I felt I'm pretty good at this poker thing, not having a girlfriend will give me time to work on my game like I did with chess, and if i suffer it up and save all my work money while winning at the tables and work hard enough I can be debt free within two years and ready to start a new life. So i finally start with the 20 dollar roll on pokerstars, doing what I now know to be bad bankroll management, but nevertheless in 3 weeks work it up to 600 bucks playing a combination of sng's and limit. SICK! Had one of those feelings where you think you've been through the worse and things will get shiny from here. Took a three day weekend from work, stoked because I knew If i had 3 days straight playing and running hot, I can be at a grand. I even told myself If i get to $1200 I'll even consider chancing it in the poker stars sunday millions event, $215 buy in. Then it happened, remember it like it was yesterday.

Thursday night 9pm. The Breakdown. So anxious to play I didn't even wait to go home, played right from my computer at work. Took the most massive beats and unfortunate turn of cards ever 3 tablin 1-2 limit, dropped down from 600 to 200 in one night. I felt crushed, but still determined . Decided to call it an early night, start fresh friday, new goal to get back to 500 by the end of the weekend.

Friday morning 11 am. The Complete 360.
Wake up still deterred from the night before, almost too scared to play because I had a bad feeling. But resilience prevailed and I played. One hour later , I regretted ever playing as I went down to $100 which lead to a massive tilt. Decided I'm going to take a chance at getting it all back. The old gambler in me took control. I knew I had to pick a very high variance game where I can get lucky in. Decided to play 2-4 short handed, bought in for $80, leaving me $20 behind in the account if i lost. 20 minutes later lost all $80, pretty much regretting that executive decision. Felt demoralized, winded, like I just found out someone ran over my dog. But stayed on tilt, and bought in for 25 nl with my last 20. I remember Just like that 3 weeks of heavy grinding and I was near busto, back where I started, $20; only now with a bigger tolerance of what I'm willing to play with my roll. But I didn't care. Then it happened.

Friday, 2:00pm. The Last Stand.
Didn't know it at the time but I'm in what I now consider the biggest hand of my life. Had pocket jacks can't remember specifics but guy shoved for all in and there was an ace on board. The nit in me said fold, but for some reason I called and he flipped over kq air. turn blank river blank and i'm back at $50ish. had I folded I think I would have been left with $8 in the account. Never did I know what would become of that $20 dollars in the next 3 days.

Friday 3:00pm . The Run.
Decided to leave the table with my pitifully restored bankroll, and play a stars 5+r tourney. Make a what I thought at the time to be a godly run and finished 20th out of 2000 for about $180. Sucks, lost a flip for my tournament, all spots in final table would have gave me a bankroll of 1k plus. But I was still proud I ran good and felt that maybe tournaments are my thing and decide to play another, money in that and call it a night with about 200 in the account.

Saturday. A New Hope.
Ran good in more tournaments, monied in 3 of 4 and found myself back at $400 and developed an early form of a NIT style which would benefit me in the days to come.

Sunday 11:00am. The Banner.
Woke up thinking I'll play some limit until I decide which afternoon tournies I want to play. Was pretty bummed out that I was going to be playing the millions, especially bummed knowing had I done nothing with the original $600 and just played the sunday millions, my account would be at the $400 it was at anyways. Started to grind the limits then thats where it appeared. As awakening as the "if you build it they will come" voice from Field of Dreams, a banner appeared on my table. "70+7 Satellite for the Sunday Millions. Without hesitation I searched for this tournament and found that it was sending one in three to the big show. Pondered for maybe a minute and decided to play it. Didn't realize it would be so fast in as it was an ultra turbo but still was victorious and in a little less then an hour I found myself with a seat to the millions. If it were today, with my staunch adherence to BR management, no way in the world I consider playing that tourney, I'd pocket the 215 T dollars and keep grind on my mind. But I was a boy with a dream.

Sunday 1:30. The Pipe Dream Come True.
Decided to sign up for the sunday millions literally right before registration ended, and right from the gun I found myself seating with who I thought and still believe to be Humberto Brenes. I remember thinking it was so cool that I'm seating with a known pro, I felt like I just arrived. first hour was insignificant and found myself at starting stack. By second break I double and sitting a little above average stack. Third level I catch a epic run with back to back hands, where someone shoved into my near nut hand, and found myself first place out of 2000. Fourth level found myself in the top 20 throughout. Fifth level make a bad bluff attempt and find myself average stack and entering the money which was huge to me because it nearly doubled my roll. Hang out, playing what I know to be now an extremely nitty style. Most people have their minds set on a deep run, i'm just sitting there thinking its cool i'm moving up to the next money level. Grind it down and find myself in the bottom 10 with 250 left. At this point everyone monies for maybe $1k and I'm already content with where I'm at, pressure is gone and I feel like I'm on a freeroll. Grinding continues and I find myself in the bottom half of the final 100. At this point I decide to call my friends to let them know about my run. Figured my luck would run out and I'd go bust any minute but it never happened. Next thing I know I'm the final 30, in 27th place, up guaranteed $3k. Thought sweet, can buy a new comp now as it occurred to me I'm probably the only guy still in the tourney with such a crappy computer. During the next break I poll my friends and ask them what my game plan should be. One of my friends told me "you are really broke now and need money bad, honestly don't worry about winning, just grind as high as you can, and try to move up money." Took his advice and found myself 13 of 13 after taking a beat bad AK versus villian AQ, and figured 5k is good enough, I'm ready to go. Still, it never happened. In a four hand sequence, after everyone was playing so nitty, 3 people bust out. I'm one away from the final table now, a low 10 of 10. cooler hand hits two mid stackers and boom, final table, 9k guaranteed. At this point I'm so short but thinking man, one more person bust and I can withdrawal everything and be debt free. Then it happens, chipleader has AK, mid stacker has QQ, all in preflop.

flop: blank, turn: KINNGGGGGGG, river: unknown, too busy throwing my hands in the air.

Unlike the humble players on tv who shake the hand of the person recently eliminated, I jump out my seat and cheer for joy. Not two hands later another person gets eliminated and just like that, guaranteed 23.5k. by that time i'm 4x the blinds and was under the gun with QT suited. Auto shove spot. Called by the only pro at the table and the eventual winner; busting 7th out of 6700 but couldn't have been more ecstatic in my life. Probably helped that after being crippled with 13 to go I felt lucky to even make final table, but I definitely wasn't one of those guys who leaves the final table upset. After all, I estimated it would take me 2 years of hard labor involving painstaking OT at work and mind numbing grinding to get out of debt. I did it in 2 months, and all it took was 20 dollars and a good run.

Aftermaths.
Obviously this is not as epic as making a deep run in the main event, but this is how I got myself started. Pulled all but 3k out to handle my debts and help some family and friends out with money. Opened a tilt account as well with $600. Like most tourney donks I ran through most of that 3k being under rolled and under skilled in bigger games. Made some more final tables, but still through time I dwindled down to at its low maybe 500 dollar combined roll. Found myself at a roadblock, was ready to quit poker after losing so much and being content to where it got me so far which was out of debt and a chance to start over. Then I slowly learned more about basic things like BR management, variance, and multi tabling to avoid variance. Found CRunner of course as well. Soon found myself working that $500 to where it stands now at 5k. Sure $500 to $5k over months isn't as impressive as turning $20 into $23k in one weekend, but unlike the ladder run, I feel that with the way I play now, given time, I can replicate the 500 to 5000 result with high certainty.

First poker goal was to get out of debt. Mission Accomplished. Now i'm done with the donkament pipe dreams. Got grind on my mind. New goal is to have a bigger roll so I can 16 table 1-2 nl and 4 table 2-4nl regularly. Maybe with an occasional endeavor in a big tourney pipedream.