Hey guys,

Well, it's been a long road. Thanks to all who have been following my MTT grinding blog for the last year or so.

Depending on how much of my blog you read, you'll know I had a lot of success in 2009, but 2010 has only been a disappointment. As a result, I'm going to have to cash out the last few thousand I have in my roll and begin to look for career opportunities elsewhere.

Thanks everyone for reading and leaving comments on my posts. If things change in the future, maybe Sixpeppers will give me a shout out in his blog but as of now, I'm canceling my CR subscription and moving on so to speak.

I will always love poker and play it when time and money allows. Thanks to CR for giving me the tools to make a lot of money over the last 2 years! Also thanks to you all for reading my blog. I know it wasn't the greatest, but it chronicled my life over the last year or so and the fact that people took time out to read it means a lot. Thanks again! Good luck at the tables

~ Justin C.

Hey guys,

It's really been a long time. Sorry about that! Over the last few weeks I haven't been able to play much poker with the job searching and all. I am still playing part time as the search continues.
I took two trips down to San Diego for Sixpeppers Bachelor party and wedding. To keep a long story short, both trips were absolutely amazing and props to Derric, Shana, and Nick for throwing a great B-party and wedding!

As of now I'm trying to play some scoop events as the days go by. Of the 7 events I've played so far, i've cashed 5 with some deep runs by no big money. Standard. I think I'm playing pretty well, but with no final tables I don't have a lot to show for it. My money problems are still looming over my head as they have been for the past few months. It's a bit numbing, but I'm getting through it. I guess a part of me still has faith in my game and knows that I'm going to win something big soon. Lets hope so.

I still have some money saved (not much), but enough to take a short vacation with Justina and keep me outta the gutter. More updates to come. Thanks for reading guys.

~Jlclark311

Hey guys,


I wanted to make this entry because I wanted to address the comments that were left by some of you. Thanks again for posting.

TheTyman9:

It is a possibility that I could start some sort of staking arrangement with a high stakes player. The only problem is, I don't have a ton of connections in the poker world who I know well enough to ask for one. Sixpeppers normally has done some higher stakes MTT staking for me in the past, but after running up some make-up (mid 4 figures) and him going on a 80k downswing, we put it on hold. I know if I asked Derric for some mill entries or something he'd have no problem with it, but as far as a long term goes, I'd only be open to that if he got back on his feet enough to want to come back and say, "hey Justin, lets do this again" kinda deal.

As far as the part time job thing goes, you are probably right. Poker is more lucrative, but the $15 an hour is more stable. There is also a social benefit to me working part time as a bartender or something. The one crappy thing about working as a online pro is being stuck in my apartment all damned day. I literally have 0 friends in the area. Most of my friends are all from high school or college and are much harder to hang out with these days, now that we've all moved.

I will say, this part time job is not 100% quite yet. But I'd say its like a 80% chance. More updates to come.

Pjj:

Thanks for the kind words. I am starting to dip into cash games a bit. So far my results have been pretty break even. I haven't played a ton of hands, but I already know I have some leaks I need to fix. Any advice or input from you would be welcome! If you were looking to explore MTTs as well, I would be very open to helping you out to the best of my abilities. As you know, this year has been really really bad. But last year I had very good results for a mid/low stakes pro. Three 20k+ months, most others were at least 3k+ months, only 2 losing ones. Idk, def not Timex, but if you're starting low I could probably help.


gofast44:



Being bummed out about poker really hasn't affected my drive to get back into shape. I will say it has affected my outside spending habits, which sometimes makes puts me a little more on edge because it can affect the dynamic of my relationship. But other than that, not really. I should probably clarify that sentence. Basically, Justina and I are pretty much used to going out whenever we want, buying pretty basic things whenever we want, etc etc. But now that I've literally made -6k this year, we've had to change all that social (going to the club)/ spending behavior. I'm lucky because Justina grew up really really really poor, so she knows when money isn't there, it isn't. So we make do with what we have and she doesn't complain at all really. I'm happy Justina isn't the type to just expect money and what not just cause she's a girl, and/or used to someone doing that to her. She also works really hard at her job+ gets good grades, which allows her to really understand how tough life/money can be. So for that, I'm thankful.

In regards to the prop bet.... Justina and I had to yet again push it off. We were going strong for about a week, when Justina's close friend was in an accident involving a drunk driver (not her fault obv). Anyway, she had to basically have her entire right arm rebuilt, so we spent a lot of our free time talking, seeing, and helping her with the situation. In addition, my parents are dentists and suggested Justina get her wisdom teeth out asap due to some so-so x-rays. So she went in for surgery a week later and was thus in no shape to work out after the operation. A cliffnote version: a ton of shit got thrown into our world and working out took a back seat.

I think I might have answered the question about Justina reacting to my downswing in the above paragraph. Basically, she told me she just wants me to be happy. She suggested that maybe getting a part time job would be good for me because its stable income and allows me to get outta the house and meet people. I agreed on both fronts. Justina does ask from time to time what my ideas are for a career in the future. I think she does that to just kinda get an idea of where my mind is at. She's not forceful or anything. Regardless of what I do, I'm sure Justina will be supportive of whatever decision I make. She knows I'm not a deadbeat and will find some way to pay rent. So like I said before, she just wants me to be happy doing whatever I do. That's something I feel like I am very lucky to have. Having a supportive girlfriend who doesn't press me on issues like poker is a godsend. My last relationship before Justina was 100% the opposite, and let me tell you... That will just be a mental/emotional killer.

Anyway, that's that. Thanks for posting comments guys. Sorry this entry was so long!

Oh... and so far my poker results this year have been more of the same... lol :( :( Haven't final tabled anything in 2 months almost. Bleh so gross. Really don't get how I can straight up win 10-20 MTTs last year alone, and straight fail so badly so far this year. Anyway, that'll be another entry... Later guys

~jlclark311

Sorry to the few of you who saw that tilt post.


Basically, I ended exactly even on the day. I guess that means I still have some funds to continue trying to bink some scores. Thanks to all who wished me luck and really helped support me. I'll have more updates to come. As of now, I'm going to take tomorrow off and spend it with Justina. Take care all

~jlclark311

Hey guys,


Another update before Sunday.

Friday and Saturday (which is today), were both 0 cashes. In the last 10 days, I'm down $1,300. That is mostly playing MTTs $60 and below. I know I must not be on my A game, but it doesn't change the fact I went close to 18% flip win percentage over the last few days. Nothing right is happening. I can't remember the last time something right did happen. Every time I raise a AK type hand and whiff a flop I'm getting check raise shoved. Times when I hit, I'm getting coolered by a set. Times when I'm close to cashing I take a flip and lose. Any time I do manage to get deep somehow, I'm taking a huge beat. I had a little light at the end of the tunnel when I played down to 30ish in the 22 cubed. Then, in a 4 bet preflop pot, I get in KK vs. QQ only to have a fat Q ball roll river.

My poker life has definitely been the definition of Murphy's law for the couple of months. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Like I said in my last post, tomorrow will be it. I tried today to win some Sunday million entries today only to spend 300 trying to win 430 and ended up with goose egg. So Sixpeppers will stake me for the majors (which is good and I thank him for, but the Sunday majors are the big MTTs that allow me to 180 degree spin what's been happening to me lately).

Sigh, I hate being negative in my blog. Anyone reading I respect a lot for being supportive. Really, thanks guys. I'm trying to mentally prepare for tomorrow, but after the last 2 days of having 0 cashes, my attitude is shot. Gotta shake this shit off.

Alright, all better.

Tomorrow is it. Time to redeem myself and achieve the things I know I am capable of. 2009 was a great year for me. There is no reason why I have to fail and quit in 2010. Again, thanks for all who commented on my blog! You guys are really making a difference in my life. That sounds cheesy, but its pretty amazing what a little moral support can do.

Updates for how Sunday goes incoming Monday. Or I guess you can check my OPR or something for sooner results.

~jlclark311

Hey guys,


Well, as you can probably tell by the subject, things aren't going well. I've been spending a lot of time grinding MTTs and over the past 6 months and gotten absolutely crushed.

You know it's weird. I started this poker career the first month of 2009, and in the first 6 months of my play I had made over 60k with multiple 5 figure scores. Life was looking good, along with this new career choice. Nowadays it seems, I'm feeling the exact opposite. I don't know if the games have changed, my luck has changed (well i know that one), or what it is. The end result being that since August of 2009, I've only had one cash over 5k.

As you might guess, going 8 months with no 5 figure scores, only one 7k score, and few and far between final tables with smaller 4 figure scores, can spell disaster for someone who spends their life grinding mid/low stake MTTs. For the last six months I've been stuck in the hamster wheel like scenario where I'll play down to the final 2-3 tables and lose an epic chiplead sized race/domination/whatever and bust right before the final table. I cannot tell you how frustrating that is. The tail end of 2009 was a similar story as well. The only difference was I'd be at the final table with a 15k prize for first, and lose flip after flip after domination after domination and end up busting in 5th or 6th with 2k instead of the bigger money payout.

Grinding MTTs makes me feel so helpless. The fact that a coin flip can literally mean the difference between a few hundred dollars and tens of thousands, just tilts me. The reason why it tilts me is because I'm on the crappy side of that situation. Maybe in the early parts of 2009, I was on the good side. But as of the past 6 months, it's just been play down, lose lose lose lose lose. The other day I was deep in the mini-ftops 22 cashout MTT. I played down to around 30 people sitting in about 7th in chips. Any who, I lost a flip with JJ vs. AK for the chiplead and busted with a 300 payday. The pot itself was about average chipstack AT the final table.

Now, take what just happened there and do that to me everytime I get down to 30, 18, 9, or whatever. Ugh.

As of 2010, I'm down around 4k on the year. That doesn't count living expenses like rent and food either.

In conclusion, such terrible results have made it impossible for me to continue doing this for a living. As far as money goes, I have about 2 weeks left before I hit my "cash out 50% of my roll to cover rent and the time it takes to find a job". If I don't come up with a win in the next 2 weeks, it'll be time to call it quits and look to other careers.

Frankly, that's a scary prospect in itself. I have no clue what I want to do in life as a profession. Here I am with a college degree, smart, hard working, yet have no clue what I want to commit myself too if poker ends up not working out. So many things to think about. It's all just so stressful.

Sorry for the depressing post. But since this is my blog, I need to write about my life and the things on my mind.


In other news, Justina is going to Sixpepper's wife's bachlorette party tonight. I will try and win some sunday mill entries as cheap as I can. We'll see tho... Today has been my 2nd straight day of absolutely 0 cashes. Something like 25-30 MTTs with 0 cashes. Pretty standard luck for me. I can't remember the last time I sucked out for my tournament life. Hell, I can't remember the last time I held hugely to keep me in to continue forward in an MTT. Sigh. I really hope I get lucky tomorrow....


~jlclark311

Hey guys,


So if you read my last post you'll now about the prop bet Justina and I have. If you didn't read it, go read it you mfers and you'll know what I'm talking about :)

Anyway, the prop bet got pushed back a week because as soon as we made it, I got a nasty throat cold and couldn't really eat/move let alone work out. So now that I'm better, the official starting date was yesterday. Thinking about it more, I kinda got hosed on the bet. I'd say it's almost 100% Justina will win her side, being that she's so close to her "best body" form. Me on the other hand.... I have a HUGE amount of work I must do to get back to where I was and win my side. Bah.... leave it to the girlfriend to hustle you!!!! More updates regarding the bet later. And yes, I probably will post some pics toward the end.

Poker.


Welll..... I had probably 4 deep runs with great chances to make at least 5k. Instead I busto'd in my normal form a table or maybe 2 tables from the final table. It seems I've developed the habit of playing down to 18 and everything going to shit. The overall result is very emotionally draining. My friends are saying its good that I keep going deep and cashing more, but financially I'm still right on the brink of "forced retirement". That aside, I'm pretty happy with my poker play itself. Like I said tho, just sucks everytime I get deep I lose that HUGE HUGE coin flip, or get a sick cooler or something.

I think that's the biggest difference from early 2009 and the start of 2010. In 2009, 9 times outta 10 when I final tabled I literally won the thing. My ITM % in 2009 was 16. This year however, although my ITM % has increased to 21, every single final table and/or deep run, I bust early and/or short of any good payout. Frick.

Well, I think I will keep it short today. LOST is on tonight... later guy

~jlclark311

Try and do this quick,

This month sucked poker wise. Absolute. Think I might lost around 1.5-2k on the month. Pretty terrible if you ask me. 2010 has started just god awful for me. I was hurting at the end of 2009, and breaking even Jan. with a losing month to follow is just crushing.

I've basically rearranged some finances to a breaking point. If I don't have success in the next month and a half or so, it's time to hang up the gloves. Oddly enough, I'm not as stressed out as I was a month ago. I'm not sure why, being that I'm facing a lot more pressure...but for some reason I'm pretty relaxed right now.



I think it might have to do with the outside-poker stresses this month. In addition to my work not going well (me being kinda in rough $$$$ shape), I got another money whammy (like $700+ vet bills) when my cat got into a bottle of ibuprofen while Justina and I were sleeping. After we took her to the vet, it was determined our wonderful cat "Gilly", was probably going to die. What we thought was 1 pill she ate, turned out to be around 5. The vet said the pills had eaten away at her internal organs, leading to ulcers, infection, and the shutting down of her kidneys. Our vet concluded that she'd probably have to be put down, but we should try and save her. So, in a last ditch effort, the vet gave me 4 meds to administer to her daily, including IV fluids we were to inject under her skin (the vet taught me how to use the IV bag/needles/where to inject). So, after a few days of force feeding/drinking/medicating her, she seems to have pulled through. THANK GOD! we won't really know for sure how well she is doing until tomorrow. We have our last vet visit, and we're hoping for good news. I do know she has a little bleeding in her stomach based on her poo color, but she's really seemed to have turned around health wise. She's almost like a normal cat!!! Justina and I were heart broken the night we had to sit and wait and pray that her kidneys were in OK enough shape to produce pee (which she finally did after 12 hours+).

Anyway, I guess that's why I'm relaxed this month. Really puts things into perspective. Any sort of sadness or stress that comes from poker is just nothing when it comes to the thought of losing our beloved pet. I kinda lol @ thinking that poker could stress me out now. Just because the idea of being stressed because your losing money vs. losing a part of your family is just laughable.

So we covered poker *vomit*. We covered my cat surviving against all odds *yay!!*. Now the prop bet with the GF.

Soooooooooooooooooooo basically........ I'm out of shape. A little background:

I was a gymnast for 12 years growing up, coached it in college, and always had a pretty solid body. Not gonna lie. I have some ab pics I could post from college, but I don't wanna embarrass you readers ;)

Anyway, now my body is terrible. Most of my definition is gone, my chest shrunk, etc etc.. goddamn poker lifestyle!! Any who... I made a bet with my GF that I could get my body back to it's peak shape in a month. That might seem crazy, but I'm lucky enough to have some weird gene which allows me to get back into shape pretty damn quick. I think it'll be a stretch to get it back to my TOP TOP peak, but ima try. Justina is also going to do the same and try and get back to top physical shape. Justina's body however, is a lot closer to her peak vs. where my body is in relation to my peak. Basically, I got lots of work to do.

Anyway, if I get back into shape in the month allotted I receive some special X-rated pleasures I will NOT disclose :) If Justina gets back into her peak shape, she gets 3 full body massages a week for 2 months.

Well, there you have it. I meant for this to be a short entry but alas I fail. I'll try and have pics up for any who want them.

Leave a comment if you want pic updates- IE pictures of our cat, before and after workout pics? I feel self absorbed when saying that. Anyway, more poker with better results incoming. :) :) :)

~jlclark311

Hey everyone,


So Justina and I went down to her mom's house in Monterey to enjoy Valentines day. If any of you are in CA and have a chance to visit I would highly urge you to do so! The Monterey/Carmel area is very beautiful and a great place to visit/relax. Carmel is really really ritzy + they were having that celebrity golf tournament the weekend we were down, so the place was super busy, but not annoyingly so. Carmel has a great area of fine dining and places to just shop for unique stuff as it leads down to the beach. The beach and view is amazing, and you can see the golf course from it. The only sad part about our trip was I guess someone was swimming on the beach and got washed out to sea. We got there as the emergency crews were racing down to try and find the guy. In their haste, one of the crews that drop the jet ski into the water got it's truck stuck on the beach. I have no clue if they got it out. They tried for like an hour. Here is a pic:

http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/839/301b.jpg



Anyway, we went up there and I ended up booking us reservations at my favorite restaurant called "Shadowbrook" in Capitola (Capitola is a smaller town about 45 minutes away). Needless to say the restaurant is amazing and def worth the trip.


Moving on to poker I guess. I'm sad to say poker is going terrible. I have NO idea why or how i'm doing so badly. I've really lowered my buy in amounts as one has to during a downswing, but i'm still doing poorly. I think i've only had 1 winning day so far this month (and it was only +300 or so). I know there is higher variance in lower buy in MTTs. You have a shitton more people to fade before good money + there are a lot more crazy all ins you have to hold. However, last year I had dominating ROIs in almost every buy in $55 and below. Ugh x 1000

I don't want to jinx myself, but I am excited for Sunday. I managed to win a mill ticket for pretty cheap, so I'll be playing in the special 4 mill GTD. I know it's a long shot, but a deep run would really help me moral wise and $$$ wise which is the biggest problem I'm facing right now. I'm going to make a huge effort to focus tomorrow and try and turn what has been a generally poor start of the year into a winning one.

I got a fortune cookie the other day that said "You may lose the small ones but win the big ones". I know fortune cookies are silly, but it came on the day of Chinese new years (i'm half Chinese) and it made me smile. So far, it's held true that i've lost the small ones.... now hopefully the big win is coming :)

Thanks for reading. Here is another pic from Carmel with Justina.

http://img715.imageshack.us/img715/1572/306b.jpg

Hey everyone,


So Jan. 2010 was almost exactly break even. When you factor in my living expenses on an already crippled bank roll that equals bad news :(

The start of Feb has been equally as bad. I went on a 40+ bi non cash at the start of the month. I played 2 full Sunday schedules and collectively only cashed once between them for $80. So you can say the start of Feb. has been quite bad.

To be honest, there isn't quite much to say about poker right now. I ran really bad for 2 weeks probably. Now that my run bad is over, I'm starting to play bad because of the damaging mental hole running bad left on me. It's pretty frustrating to say the least.

I know I've said before how keeping a level head in poker is key to success. It really is. For me however, trying to keep a level head when I'm hurting financially in all aspects of life (poker, savings, etc) is just crushing me overall. I know all it takes is a win to turn things around. However, I haven't managed a 1st place in close to 5 months. That fact in itself is probably the most hurtful thing of all. I've managed plenty of FTs with decent cashes, but no straight #1 finish. Ugh.

When it comes down to it, I just feel worn. I've always kept the "MTT grinding" title in my blog entries for this reason. It is a grind. It's a grind that's really eating my mental state alive right now. I made a promise to my family when I quit my job that if my poker BR ever dropped to 10k, I'd find a part time position outside of poker. Well, I'm getting uncomfortably close to that (within a couple Gs), so if things don't turn around soon. My "professional" poker career might be at a bit of a halt. My close friend and CR pro Sixpeppers is willing to help me with my game, which I am very thankful for. Maybe he can find something I'm doing wrong so I can fix it and go back to winning at low/mid stakes MTTs.

Its hard to say how and why I'm in this position. I was able to make 70k last year playing poker, yet i'm grinding very close to my fail spot in just the first few months of 2010. I think I need to re-calculate my expenses outside of poker and make a few goals pertaining to a savings/spending plan.

Anyway, I really wish I had some good news/entries to report. It seems I've been a downer for quite some time now. Hopefully I'll be able to report some good success to you soon. All it takes is 1 good day to turn things around. Wish me luck

~jlclark311