After quitting weed in February, I was really riding a "life" high. Everything was so new an exciting! Even just the simplest things, like going out for a walk, all of a sudden pleasure-able experiences. The winter was over, the weather was getting nicer, everything was looking up for me. Little did I know things were about to change.
Late in March, my girlfriend went to Mexico for a week with her family. We agreed to keep in touch by email while she was gone. That monday, I went down to the Borgata with my roommate and some friends to celebrate his 21st birthday. We took a limo down and had a blast. He ended up bluffing me off a huge hand at 1-2 where I had pocket aces on a akq6j board where he shoved the river, and I tank folded and he showed k5 offsuit. To this day I'm honestly not sure if he was value betting or bluffing.
After everyone went back to the room, I decided to stay up and grind some 5-10. After all it wasn't everyday that I was at Borgata. I ended up playing a really late session, and by the time I got back to the room, everyone was sort of ready to go back to the city. I was exhausted, and didn't really feel like making the trip, so I decided to extend the room and sleep. I woke up the next afternoon, and ended up playing more poker. I remember I had a really good 5-10 session where I won a monster pot with a turned straight flush vs a rivered boat. I decided to extend the room another night, and see how long the run good could last.
Since I hadn't planned on staying more than a night, I didn't bring my laptop down with me. The next night I found a friend who was staying there and used his laptop to grind tourneys. While I was grinding, I checked my email and saw she had emailed me a few days ago. It was a decent sized email, talking about her trip and what it had been like so far, and how much she loved me, ect. I kinda just skimmed it because I was focusing on the trnys and wrote her a really half assed response, which I didn't think much of at the time. Soon after that, she wrote me an email back saying that she was very disappointed in my response, and that it made it seem like I didn't really care about her. Again, I didn't think too much of it at the time, and just figured I would smooth things over when she got back.
On her last night in Mexico, she sent me a very heartfelt email basically saying that she didn't know if she could be with me anymore. It really caught me off guard, although it had been building up for sometime, even long before she had left for Mexico. She needed someone that not only cared for her, but was able to show it through their actions. It worried me, but I wrote her an apology email and figured I'd just win her back when she got home.
When she got back, she was really upset. She didn't want to see me, and said she wasn't sure whether or not she could keep going in the relationship. All of a sudden, I realized how serious it had gotten. I was about to lose the person that mattered the most to me in my life, and all because I was incapable of showing my feelings. We had some really intense and heartfelt conversations on the phone the next few days, with a lot of tears on both ends. She told me that she needed some time to figure out whether or not she could be with me anymore, but that she couldn't afford to be hurt again.
I went home to Long Island to visit my family for a few days. I spent a lot of time talking with my mom about the situation. She was also very upset, as well as worried. She knew as well as anyone how far I had come, and how important it was to keep this relationship going for me. That night, I wrote my girlfriend a really long email, basically trying to put my feelings and emotions for her into words as best I could. The email really got through to her, and she decided to give me a second chance.
Since then, our relationship has really come into its own. She was always an amazing girlfriend to me, but I certainly wasn't always the best boyfriend to her. That real threat of losing her, and the love that we had, made me realize what I needed to do. I need to give back what she had given to me, which was everything. I am by no means a perfect boyfriend. I certainly still have plenty of flaws in that department. But I have really come so far. For someone who never had a girlfriend before, to tell you I've been with Abbie for almost a year and half now brings me the greatest joy. She is truly incredible, and very much responsible for helping shape me into the person I am today, and the one I will be tomorrow.
I've had many highs and lows in poker this year, but none of them compare to that feeling of loss I experienced in March. Nothing can come close. It was a feeling of total emptiness. I felt like I would be alone forever, and I never want to feel that way again.
Speaking of highs and lows, this year has been a real roller coaster poker wise. I started the year off on a nice win streak, then broke even for a while, with some bad losing nights. Overall, I was pretty content with the beginning of the year.
When july came around, I was really excited for vegas, and the main event. I had played in it the year before, for the first time, but was very disappointed in my showing. I got high on every break and ended gradually dusting my stack off before getting the last of it in with akcc and losing to akss. Needless to say, I was in much better mind-frame, and I felt like the wheels were really in place for a big showing at this years main event.
I had a pretty soft table on day one. There wasn't any crazy fish, but everyone was playing pretty solid aside from a few weak spots. I took advantage with a fair amount of bluffing but played very conservatively throughout the day, not putting any real chips at risk. With less than 30minutes left before we bagged chips, I had about 40k with the blinds at 2-400.
One of the only other good aggressive players at the table, Jerry Payne, opened for 1k in late position and I decided to flat on the button with k9cc. The blinds got out of the way and the flop came down k94, with two hearts. He checked to me to and I bet 1600. He called pretty quickly, which i thought was a bit strange. The turn came an offsuit 10, and he led 2500 without much thought. This is obviously not the best card for my hand, so I decided to play it safe and just call his bet. The river came another k, and I made kings full of nines. He checked to me, and I bet 6k. He thought for a little while, and then slid the rest of his stack in. Immediately I felt sick. In any other tournament I would have snap called, but this was the main event. Was he really making a move? I didn't think so. His play screamed k10 me, but I called pretty quickly, after all that was the only that beat me. He said "nuts", and flipped the k10 over. My stomach dropped. It was the most disappointing feelings I'd felt from poker in a long time, I was still in the tournament, but with a measly 4k left.
I managed to double up and make day 2, but didn't last very long. I stayed in vegas for a few more days and played more tournaments, which was a bad idea. The awful taste of my main event bust out hand was still in my mouth, and I was playing far from well. I played the venetian 5k and as soon as I busted i booked a flight home, and got the hell out of there.
Getting home was great. I went from this hellish desert filled with evil casino's to my peaceful home in Long Island. I spent tons of time with my girlfriend at the beach, and in my pool, relaxing for the next few weeks. I was just so happy to be out of Vegas. Playing online felt like a privilege, after sitting around smokey live poker tables for weeks. I started winning again, and things were great. The k10 hand seemed like it had happened years ago. Everything was going smoothly. I was having an awesome summer, and then, disaster struck.
Stay tuned for part 3!