Lately I've been playing mostly $2/4 NL hu and enjoying it. I'm pretty much giving up on being a great high stakes player. The strategy is too tough for me to compete with anymore. I enjoy HU and will play it until I can't beat it anymore. It's really sad to admit that but maybe someday I'll get my skill level back up again. I've been phasing out poker for the past few months and will probably end up joining the work world within two years. I have to find some field that's a good outlet, and sadly it might end up being a high school teacher teaching kids that don't care at all about what I have to say. My other option is this field in Memetics which is kind've like the study of cultural information. It seems really interesting to me since most of my life has been watching tv/movies and listening to music.

I've realized that I've almost completely isolated myself from people and have forgotten how to communicate with them. I've turned into a forum poster in real life situations. I only add to the conversation when I feel confident my idea is somewhat important and not said yet. Real life talking is more like a huge barage of unimportant talk meant to fill up awkward silence. I'm probably being too hard, because I like to debate deeper issues and barely care about making emotional connections with people. One of my other new goals is to try and being able to have fun talking with people sans alcohol.

As the year is winding up and my birthday being in January, I'm staring to realize how fast life is going. Seems like just yesterday I was a care-free kid in high school having "great" times. Now the descent into adulthood has added a whole heap of new invented problems that are hindrances on happinness. So many new expectations from family that I never cared about when I was younger. So many new pressures from a serious girlfriend. So many health issues that didn't matter when I was young. So much difficulty making friends as an adult with no social connections. I long for escapism and hate myself when I'm living in a child fantasy world when I should be embracing adulthood.

Also, do people enjoy working 40 hours a week, barely having any free time of their own, or do they dread every minute? The people that enjoy it...are they lying to themselves? The only people that estimate to not hate their lives are the people that would HONESTLY do their exact job as a hobby for the same 40 hours a week. I would have to guess that it's a very small minority of people that truly would. Wouldn't everyone rather just relax, hang out with friends/family, etc?