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Music for today is by Oceansize. First song up is "The Charm Offensive":
I was recently reminded of a fantastic internet meme from years past while sharing some beers with a few friends last weekend. Our conversation somehow turned to the topic of the infamous "bloodninja" cybersex logs from the early-mid 2000's, which immediately got me to pull out my iphone so we could all recount these hysterical encounters.
For those of you unfamiliar with this saga, get ready to laugh your ass off. Allow me to steal a quote from one of his fan sites: (dunno why the quote feature isn't working)
"This website was conceived when I read some chat logs by bloodninja. I laughed the hardest I had ever laughed in years. It occured to me that no matter what his original intentions were; whether he wanted to screw with people, or he was just generally sick in the head, bloodninja was a genius and deserved a website dedicated to him."
This guy truly is a genius in his own right; whereever cybersex goes awesomely wrong, you will find bloodninja. It's been probably 4-5 years since I last read these, and they're still as funny as ever. So without further ado, here's one of the best from the man himself:
bloodninja- Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3- thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja- A Rhinoceros. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3- haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3- i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja- I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3- haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3- i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja- Rhinoceroses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3- No, ur not really a Rhinoceros silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja- Rhinoceroses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3- stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja- It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinoceros about to charge your ass.
bloodninja- I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3- thats it.
bloodninja- Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja- Goddam am I hard now.
bloodninja- Baby?
Here's a page with a whole bunch more of them, including the famous "Robe and Wizard Hat" routine. Oh internet, how I love you so.
Closing music is "Ornament, The Last Wrongs" by Oceansize:
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