Even before black friday, this was already a dilemma that had entered my mind. Nobody likes to feel like a deserter, and this is how I felt.

My family is in the restaurant business. It has allowed my family to flourish, to live very comfortably, and because of this I have never experienced money struggles in my life. In recent years, (very) poor business decisions made by my eldest brother (allowed by the rest of the family) have changed this. We dug ourselves a pretty big hole in an economic time where it's not so easy to get out. The past few years has been characterized by the family fighting and clawing to get out of this hole and to return to a period of prosperity. The family minus me.

I've been following my passion. I started playing a few years back while in college and I grinded until the point where I felt comfortable playing professionally. It took me a while to get this idea through to my conservative Mexican parents but they eventually conceded. I used this opportunity to live life at the pace that I wanted to. The restaurant business is typically characterized by 10-12 hour days. With poker, I could work when I wanted to; I depended on no one and nobody depended on me. This freedom is something that I've experienced and tasted. I've embraced it and it's become a part of me. Giving it up is something that I'm not so ready to do.

I received a phone call yesterday from my dad as I was starting this blog ironically enough. He had already heard what happened and he was naturally curious to hear my plans moving forward. I wasn't surprised to hear most of the usual cliches.

"Sometimes things happen for a reason."
"It's time to plant your feet firmly in the ground."
"Don't you want to feel proud about what you do?"

Naturally, I feel frustrated. I've already explained myself before. I've already heard these questions. I can't remember the last time I heard positive praise from this man. Always a question. He knows I'm capable but it's this lack of trust that is truly frustrating. I know my parents would be ecstatic if I quit poker and dedicated myself to the restaurant business. They must feel anxiety and shame every time they have to lie to my plethora of relatives about what I do. If I went back, they wouldn't have to lie anymore. I'd be back within their control.

So this is where I'm at. A bit confused, but writing helps. I know at the end of the day I am the one who controls where I go and what decisions I make. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't saved up a ton of money due to traveling and living well that has me even considering going back to work with my parents.

Cause if I had 20k saved up in the bank I'd be long gone to Thailand... ;)

GL to everyone.

-YEARLONG GOAL: Be a 1kNL reg by the end of the year (currently at 200nl). Bankroll target for this limit: $100k
- Midyear Goal (end of May): Be a 400nl reg. Bankroll target for this limit: $35k
- Midyear Goal (end of August): Be a 400nl-600nl reg. Bankroll target for this limit: $55k

January Goals:

• - Play 60k hands at 200nl 6max.
  - 15k hands per week. 3k hands per day.
  - Study 8 hours per week.
  - Four videos
  - Session reviews
  - Sweat sessions
  - Play six tournaments each Sunday (24 tourneys for the month)
  - Receive 1 hour of coaching from my coach.
  
  I have very high expectations for this year after having a successful 2010. Achieving all of my goals is not going to be an easy process so it is essential that I maintain focus and poise, that I persevere through the inevitable challenges to come, and that I do everything in my power to get to where I want to go.
  
  So here goes nothing, let's enjoy the ride because as an American you never know when the hell your country's gonna F you in the ass. GL everyone.
  
  Peace.
  
  
  

After a very strong start to the year, I've seemingly lost some focus and have not been playing to the best of my abilities. I've also had pretty weak volume these past couple of months, and it's no surprise that my results have been mediocre. It's time to step up the intensity and get back to putting up some good results.

Goals:

- Play 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. I'm going to divide up my play into two 3hr blocks. This will set me up to play about 120 hours in the month of May, which I believe is a very realistic and attainable goal.

- By playing 120 hours, I should make my monetary goal for the month which is $10k.

- Wake up at 9am everyday. I need to ensure that I have long, productive days and I believe that waking up at a set early time will help immensely.

- Go to the gym five days a week.

These aren't astronomical goals by any means. Either I can step up to the plate and have an excellent, productive month, or I can put up another wonderfully mediocre month. I think the choice is pretty clear.

A big reason I want to make sure I have a big month is because I'm not exactly sure how much poker, if any, I'm going to be playing in June. I'm super stoked about the fact that I'm going to be spending most of the month in South Africa for the World Cup! I have tickets to Argentina/Nigeria, Mexico/France, Mexico/Uruguay, Brazil/Ivory Coast, and 1B vs 2A in the R16. I'm Mexican so I'll obviously be rooting for Mexico. Realistically we're going to have a hard time getting out of the group stage, but we've managed to make it to the round of 16 in each of our previous four World Cups so we'll definitely have a chance. Tie South Africa, tie/beat France, beat Uruguay one time??

GLGL crush crush.

Peace.

Hey guys,

I ended up getting quite a few applicants so I decided that the best way to go about selecting was to just randomly pick two students. I already sent those two students pms. I'm eager to start the coaching process and hopefully see tons of improvement in my students! I may continue to offer free coaching in the future so look out for any updates if you are interested. Thanks to all that applied.

Peace.

Hey guys,

I'd like to extend this offer out to any 25nl or 50nl players (if you play a different limit but are still interested, feel free to apply). I'm currently only looking to take one or two students, and I'll probably place a cap on the # of free lessons at five per person, but I'm not certain about this. The only thing that I ask from potential applicants is that you be hard working and that you ask a lot of questions.

I currently play 100nl-200nl 6max on FTP (wtKOBE). My 6max results for this year so far:





If you're wondering why I'm doing free coaching, I'm considering charging for coaching later this year and I'd like to start gaining as much experience as I can. I don't think it would be smart nor ethical to coach at a rate with zero experience.

So if you're interested, PM me some info about yourself and the current game(s) you play. Include a graph or any of that good stuff if you wish. My e-mail is barnsito@gmail.com. I'll probably update by Friday.

Peace.

Hey guys,

I'd like to extend this offer out to any 25nl or 50nl players (if you play a different limit but are still interested, feel free to apply). I'm currently only looking to take one or two students, and I'll probably place a cap on the # of free lessons at five per person, but I'm not certain about this. The only thing that I ask from potential applicants is that you be hard working and that you ask a lot of questions.

I currently play 100nl-200nl 6max on FTP (wtKOBE). My 6max results for this year so far:





If you're wondering why I'm doing free coaching, I'm considering charging for coaching later this year and I'd like to start gaining as much experience as I can. I don't think it would be smart nor ethical to coach at a rate with zero experience.

So if you're interested, PM me some info about yourself and the current game(s) you play. Include a graph or any of that good stuff if you wish.

Peace.

I've been neglecting updating this blog because I honestly don't enjoy reading posts and rants from other players who are having a big downswing or running like shit. There seem to be a few regular posters here on CR that all they seem to blog about is how much they hate poker and how bad they run. What I've been waiting to do is to catch that big heater, or at least any heater, where good play combines with good luck and I proceed to own souls across my tables. Well I've been waiting for quite a while and quite frankly, it hasn't come. The only reason I'm posting this is because I want to be able to look back on this moment when ideally I get back on track and start winning again.

To sum up how I'm feeling right now: dispirited. I do my best to stay positive, to not whine, to not complain. I try to look at the big picture, realize that poker is just a game and that even if I were a losing player I'd still be very lucky in the grand scheme of things. The reality is, I'm a competitive person and I play poker expecting to succeed. So when I string together two consecutive breakeven/losing months, it's not easy to stay level headed or in positive spirits, as any winning player should be. Some details of what's been going on these past two months:

- I've played a small number of hands. I only played 15k or so in February and I've only played 14k so far this month. I've never gotten into any rhythm and I haven't been able to build on previous momentum, mainly because my play has been so sporadic. During my most successful month, I played over 80 hours, around 33k hands. I've only played 33 hours this month.

- I withdrew a lot in February and loaned a friend like 2.5k. I've lost like 1.2k this month so far, so my bankroll's pretty damn low (around 5k). Honestly, this was a very stupid mistake. I've crippled myself to the point where I can't play my game of choice (200nl) comfortably.

- I've been pretty susceptible to tilt, especially HU. Any type of beat just irritates the shit out of me. I guess I'm at a point where I'm trying to make shit happen and don't have the necessary patience to sustain the beats.

So here's what I need to do:

- Study the game more. I stopped watching vids, discussing hands and all that good stuff.

- Take things day by day. I'm not close to peak, I'm not going to be there soon. Focus on the present, work hard and little by the little the results will be there. They've got to be.

- Just keep things simple and choose a damn game. Sometimes I get caught up in all the "omg the games are drying up, HU/PLO are the future!" Nonsense. I'm a 6max player. If I have a winning week playing 6max, I'll allow myself a couple of sessions of HU. Historically, this is how I've made the most money.

In a way I feel like I'm back to square one, like I'm starting all over again. Things aren't so bad though. When I get back to 6k I'll start taking some shots at 200nl again and see how that goes. This is all simply a mental battle, and I'm prepared to win it. Enough of the bullshit.

Peace.

Yea I'm such a lame blogger. I had my best day ever yesterday and I feel like blogging again. Amazing how the mind works.

I made $1600 playing mostly 200nl 6max w/ a little 400nl 6max mixed in. Most importantly, I feel like I played absolutely top-notch poker and recall having made only two or three very minor errors. This was an important and much needed win mainly because my mind was starting to play tricks on me. February had started out pretty rocky and I was stuck 1k for the month. January was a very rocky month as well and I was pretty lucky to pull out a $3400 month including rakeback. It's safe to say I was a little psyched out. Some self-doubt was starting to trickle in and I was starting to wonder about shit like, 'am I really made out for poker? am I deluding myself? Can I even beat this limit?' lol I might have started worrying but the thing is throughout this rocky start to February I've had spurts of playing my A+ game and I know that when I play that well it's only a matter of time before the wins start coming in. I've also been game selecting pretty well the past few days and obv this helps a shit ton.

Yesterday I even 4-tabled on my friend's laptop for a bit without a HUD. My method for game selection was to sit at tables with little to no recognizable regs. It's pretty cool when you get to know just about every reg at a limit and start learning more and more about their games. So as I was playing, I realized that it was actually extremely fun playing without a HUD. I felt like I had broken through to a deeper layer at the tables, where I actually felt like I was at the tables and I felt more in tune with what was going on. I was playing very focused and I felt more aware of the dynamics, who might be on tilt, what my image is, etc. Sometimes when playing with a HUD it's very difficult to be able to get to that point where you're really in tune w/ game flow and the changing dynamics at the tables. I get into this mindset where I see everyone as a stat, and not a thinking human being, and I just focus on playing my cards. Not only is this detrimental to my game but it honestly makes poker very bland and boring. So I guess my next short term goal is to be able to delve into this layer of "table awareness" while still playing with a HUD. Obv a combination of the two would probably prove to be most optimal. Aight I gotta go get a michelada or something to nurse this hangover.

Peace.

(cliff notes: I had a solid year, I'm at 200nl right now and I want to be at 1knl or higher by the end of the year)

Now that I'm finally sober from New Year festivities, I actually have some time to reflect and think about the old year that has gone and the new year that is upon us. Last year I didn't make any resolutions but I did have one verbal goal to a friend in poker where I said that I wanted to be a 400nl reg by the end of 2008.

I started this year and this blog when I had $215 in my poker account and I was playing 25nl 6max. I grinded up until I had 20 BI for 50nl and I stayed there for a little while longer than what I expected. The problem was that I wasn't very comfortable dealing with the bigger swings at 100nl and I realized that I would have to acquire a larger bankroll in order to play comfortably there. Finally when I reached about 35 BI for 100nl, I thought I was ready to make the move and I transitioned over. Over the summer I vacationed in Mexico for about a month and a half and that slowed my progress down considerably. I didn't play at all and while I thought about poker some, it wasn't enough to improve my game. In August I finally came back and I was definitely ready to get back into the swing of things. The month of August went well for me and I could definitely see 200nl on the horizon .... but then I hit a mental wall. I'm really not sure what happened but this was the first time since I started playing that tilt became an issue for me. I was probably running pretty poorly as well as not playing in the right state of mind. I narrowly avoided losing months in both September and October, but pretty much still broke even for the two months.

I did manage to start getting coached in October by Zaitsev and combined with constantly talking about poker with my great poker network (mostly current or former zaitsev students), I managed to turn things around for November and had my best month ever. In the middle of November I transitioned over to 200nl and managed to run pretty damn hot. December wasn't as good as November, but it was still my 2nd best month. The main reason for this was that I didn't play all that much because of exams/holidays, and I also didn't play much at 200nl. I was more in the mood for grinding 100nl HU so that did limit my hourly. So all in all, I would consider it a successful year. I didn't have a single losing month, and I actually won a pretty decent amount of money. I'm currently very happy with the progress I am making but I am still very hungry to continue to grow as a poker player.
Here are my results since I bought Hold'em Manager in late September:



Now to the obligatory 2009 poker goals:

• Be playing 1kNL or higher by the end of the year.
• Make six figures in cash games alone.
• Start learning tournament poker and be more active in the tourney scene.
• Play the main event at the WSOP, somehow.

• The mandatory get in better shape goal. I'm pretty comfortable with how I look/feel right now, but there is always room for improvement. So be more consistent about hitting the gym and continue to improve my diet.
• In order to improve my diet, I can make this easier by learning to cook my own food. Fortunately I was spoiled my whole life by my mom who would cook to us everyday. Unfortunately this means I can only cook a couple of things.
• Focus more on school. This means get better grades, be more active in learning, and generally hang around campus more.
• Be more active socially. make a conscious effort to go out and meet more people (read: girls).
• Just be a happier person in general. Live life! Make an effort to travel more. Take a lot of pictures. Hug my mom more, tell her you love her! Even if you feel like shit just get out and smile son. Shit could be worse, that's for sure. Don't fret over some stupid bitch (ex). Call people on their birthdays. Be less egotistical, and less selfish. Listen better. Make other people smile.

I hadn't really had any motivation to play as of late, mainly because I've been coming home drunk off my mind every night at around 5 a.m. This leads to me waking up at around noon or even later, feeling like shit and not having any motivation to do anything. Not exactly the most productive lifestyle but so it goes. So today I wasn't sure if I'd be able to play my A game at 200nl 6max so I decided to open up some 100nl 6max tables. The session went pretty nice, and I booked a +6 BI win.
Winners:
www.pokerhand.org/
Pretty nice flop and luckily this guy was more than happy to stack off with bottom two for 200 BB's. I screwd up stack sizes on the flop and I hate my 3bet sizing, I'd rather make it something like 48 instead of 32 and try to get as much money as I can in on the flop.

www.pokerhand.org/
Villain was pretty erratic and we had a pretty aggressive history. The check min raise on the flop doesn't really mean shit to me so I decided to bump it up with what I considered to be the best hand on a pretty drawy board. The turn's a relatively safe card and he donks out a blocker type bet. I bump it up again for value, he thinks a bit and calls, then almost instantly open jams the irrelevant J river. Pretty much a snap call.

www.pokerhand.org/
Villain was the mark at the table, when he c/r's the flop I prefer to flat because we're pretty damn deep and I think his range can have a lot of bluffs. He checks the turn and I decide to fire out for value and to protect my hand on a pretty drawy board. He c/c then checks a pretty shitty 2c river, completing the back door flush draw and putting a 4 straight on the board. I got the feeling that this type of player would lead out for a strong bet if he had hit a flush or straight, so I decide to try to get some pretty thin value out of a 10 or lower pair. I bet half pot, he check raises and I eventually call because I realize that a smallish bet there opens up the possibility of inducing a bluff raise, and I didn't see many 5's or flushes in his range.

www.pokerhand.org/
This hand was pretty marginal all around. The 3bettor had a pretty high 3bet %, so I think I would have liked a 4bet bluff here better. I went for the c/c flop lead turn line, and I luckily hit the river and got paid off.

www.pokerhand.org/
This was the bad/aggro villain from hand two. He calls my 4bet oop and then goes for a crazy overbet on the flop.

www.pokerhand.org/
I flat QQ here pf against a reg because there's a pretty bad player in the sb and a loose potential squeezer in the bb. Postflop is pretty standard.

www.pokerhand.org/
Nice flop and turn. I guess he turned his flush into a bluff on the river.

Losers:
www.pokerhand.org/
This was my first hand against previously mentioned bad erratic player. He 5bet shoves A7s and obv gets there because CTS said it's never a bad move.

www.pokerhand.org/
Meh I overplayed my hand here, although it's probably not terrible in a bvb situation. The problem is that I had no history nor reads nor stats on this player, so I probably should have played my hand a little slower. I think I prefer a flat on the flop, and if I do raise I like a turn check to not have to face a turn check raise.

www.pokerhand.org/
I'm pretty sure I've seen this villain playing at 200nl and 400nl, so I guess that's why he feels that he can profitably call hands like 98s w/ 100 bb stacks. Postflop is standard and he gets there.

www.pokerhand.org/
This villain was pretty awful/bluffy so I was happy calling preflop and stacking off if I hit a top pair. I'm actually lucky he didn't take my whole stack.

So overall the session went pretty well. Tomorrow I hope to continue the grind at 200nl 6max and/or 100nl HU and hopefully book another nice win. Gonna head to bed now so that I can wake up relatively early and hit up the gym.

Peace.