I can't believe the end of this trip is almost here. In a way, I'm glad because I know my time I needed here is over. I'm staying at a beautiful beach resort in a small fan bungalow enjoying my last 1-2 weeks here by doing my own thing. I guess it's symbolic that I'm ready to head back and see where I can go on my own. When I first arrived in Thailand I was unsure of a lot of things, and not so much scared about 3 months here on my own, but just wondering if this is what I needed. I believe it was, but with where I'm at now, I want to get back to Chicago and really see what I'm made of. It's funny that I came here to see what I was made of and who I am, but really, it's once I'm back that I can truly understand these points further.

I've really pushed myself physically and mentally while here, ultimately reaching my "goals" but still allowing some space for myself for improvement. I suppose it's a lifelong process to continually improve and always try to be your best, at whatever it is you choose to do. I can say I reached my goals here, but in the greater scheme of things, they're just stepping stones towards a future that's yet to be determined. Physically I've pushed myself to the point of exhaustion, sickness and injury on a few occasions, overall losing about 15 pounds. But there's still more to do once I'm back and I realized that 3 months is not enough time for my personal goal. However, it's a patient process and what's the rush? As long as I'm improving, that's what's important.

And mentally I've had to deal with my inner demons just like most people do every day. And I don't have the answers to all the questions I had, but again, I have a clearer picture and as long as I continue to work on it, that's all I can ask of myself. I set a goal of 40 books as well as reading online articles, listening to podcasts, watching videos and shows even that could give me insights and enlightenment as to what this is all about (life, not the trip) as well as anything that could help me along the way. Currently I'm on book #34 and after everything I've seen online, I've realized there's such a plethora of information available and while it can seem overwhelming for everything I want to learn and know about, I have time to continuing to improve in this area too. I mean, if you don't count books for school or books about poker, I've read more books in these 3 months than probably the last 10 years of my life. That needs to change. But that's why I'm here.

I'm starting to lose focus here. I guess what I've come to realize about this whole trip was that I did needed a change and this trip served as the catalyst to making it happen. And with wanting to do so much, if you just focus on one thing at a time, you can make giant strides and then move on to the next thing. So the real test was not whether or not I could make it through these 3 months (not giving up and coming home, losing sight of my goals, etc.), but it's just the studying before the big exam of life.

Needless to say, I'm very much excited to come home and see everyone. I've wanted the time to myself and now I want the time with others again. And I miss the food, the wine, friends, bbq-ing, and everything else that's back home in Chicago. These trips are good for the soul, but I'm glad I have a place I can call home.

So what's in store for the last week and a half? I'm on Koh Pha-ngan right now, staying at a beachside bungalow doing my own workouts. The muay thai gym was pretty garbagey and I thought, I'm tired of muay thai, I'm just going to focus on me a little earlier than planned. I got a 5 pass membership to an a/c gym (!!!) here and have been swimming, running and other things I can do on my own until Sunday when I leave for another bungalow on the west side of the island for 5 nights so I can reflect on the trip and take it easy on myself. For 3 months I've been working out twice per day on average, anywhere from 2-5 hours in the hot, humid weather of southern Thailand. I'm tired. I'm sore. I'm exhausted. I'll need those few days. Then next Friday I head to Bangkok for 3 nights where I'll be exploring the city and doing as much as I can until I leave that following Monday night. It's been a whirlwind and it honestly felt like just yesterday I was getting in the cab from the Phuket airport headed to Phromthep. I don't know how much I'll update from here on out since I only have internet at the cafe and I don't know the situation at the next 2 places I'll be, but I'm sure I'll post a few more things.