Every so often, I'm at war with myself. I battle myself and beat myself up inside thinking of different scenarios and thinking outside of the box. Most times, it doesn't really affect me, but sometimes it also eats me alive inside. I don't really talk to many people about these issues, as most times they're things I have to figure out for myself and it's pointless dumping it onto other people since it's my business really. For some reason, I have maybe three people I talk to outside of my family regarding these issues. A lot of it is simple stuff that I struggle with such as do I want to play poker, what I want to do in life, or struggles with not doing something to help the most people possible. I truly believe a lot of it comes from me not wanting to take "x" route in life. I really just want to be happy and morally content, which I think 95% of people in life are not.

Poker was handed to me on a platter from a large scale perspective. I was fortunate enough to stumble upon it and make easy money. However, this generally means others stumbled upon it and lost money, possible even more than they can handle from a financial point of view. I'm sure some people even lost so much that they lost their families, loved ones, and sometimes themselves from a mental stand point. So what justifies myself to this dirty money? Essentially, I'm stealing from others. The case old point could be made that "they were gambling ,etc". Sure. However there is also a fine line where some people simply have a problem and can't quit or can't stop. We are taking advantage of these people who can't control themselves and only making their issues worse. At the end of the day, we are all just stealing money from people and doing nothing for society.

That scenario has been running through my mind dating back to November last year. I remember talking about it to a friend of mine, and she completely understood me, but didn't know what to tell me. It's something I had to figure out for myself. Since then, I haven't played much poker at all. I cut back probably 85% and really just started exploring things that made me happy and gave me a clean conscious at night. This was all fine and dandy until I realized that I'm a business/marketing major. The whole point of a business is to manipulate the public to buy your product even if it's not the best. Marketing firms try to put out the best campaign to convince the public in their direction. Essentially, businesses are competing against one another to steal the consumers money the fastest. Where is the line drawn?

When I look at my career path, I just don't see anything in my relative field now that'll make me happy at the end of the day. After every business class I have, I leave wondering "what am I doing in this major?". I'm giving nothing back to society at the end of the day. I really feel like I need to become a teacher or do something that'll help people and allow myself to give back and have a sense of satisfaction at the end of the day. As is, I'm not leading that life and it's making me more and more miserable every day. Am I in this field because I'm competitive and need to make it to the top and need the challenge? Why can't I just become a teacher, be happy making "x" amount of dollars per year and having a sense of satisfaction at the end of the day that I did something to help others and to give back ?

Are successful people really happy people? A greed filled person simply outs themself to morals. It's a selfless act by one trying to fulfill needs without looking at those of others. Can you really be highly successful in life from a financial point of view by giving back to others without being a braniac? Basically, can the average Joe make decent money by doing something that gives back? Every field that I see financial security in lacks morals. Business steals from customers, Lawyers are always lying, etc. When I look at people who have jobs which are probably content at days end, they make nothing. Teachers, librarians, counslers, etc. Is there an inverse relationship to this pattern? I say a non braniac because a doctor helps people, however everyone is not smart enough to be a doctor. Are financially successful people successful because they put morals and ethics out the window?

Over the last few months, I've realized that it's not the money that drive me to do anything. I'm very active in charities and giving back to the community, as I feel that's the only way to keep me sane now. Maybe it's just my mentality. I'd prefer to see everyone succeed. Manipulating money out of people from using bet sizing, reads, and similar tactics at the poker table just doesn't appeal to me much anymore. If I did become a teacher though, even if I had that sense of satisfaction such as I gave back at the end of the day, would I still feel this way when playing poker? Would I open up 1 table, play for fun, and still feel this same way that I do now about taking peoples money that I don't know? What's the breaking point? When do you draw the line? Is my perception a reality?