So there is a new rakeback site which sent me an email trying to get my business and I obliged by doing the download and what not. Seems I might have actually gotten thru the FT badasses and might be able to start raking some of my rake into my own coffers. LOL, ok well so it will go right back into poker but hell, at least it will be something of a minor victory for me on the poker front.

As for Poker. I cashed again in a donkament, like 96 out of 2.6k. The last hand was so terrible I just wanted to puke. I had AK, she had QJ, flop was ka I bet out hard, she turned the ten and it goes check check. I make a sizeable bet which she comes over the top on and I do my normal donkey thing... I call. Pffft, Whatever. I was so suckered by her. I cannot believe I went there. I mean it was one of those hands where you go oh shit, I got her, then she flips the nuts. Man I was upset. I was somewhat pleased at making ot so far in with a decent stack, but still.

Thats another thing, I had a 44k stack at that time which was about 10% above average, I was like 20 of 96 remaining. I was in such a perfect spot to continue on. I raised 2.5x pf I was utg, she was the big blind calling me. I hit two pair and bet out hmm, 5.5k, well slightly over pot. Then disaster strikes and I cannot discipline myself to sit back take a pill think about things and make the correct decision. I mean one of my issues is believing people late in tournaments when they go all in. Gawd damn though, I did have two pair. I just don't know if I ever could have or even should have folded that. Frustrating to say the least.

As well with this possible Rake coming my way, I created a new account on FT. I am considering devoting this account completely to cash gameplay. I do not think my cash game is too far off to be honest. I fear my biggest problem is my tiltiness. I pride myself on never losing my calm or my cool... Outwardly. Inwardly man, my mind is raging. I can feel myself, honestly, I see myself in my minds eye like that old cartoon where they have a big whistle that blows off. Or a big steamboat blowing off its stacks. Damn I mean sometimes I just get so ef'n pissed. I know this is no good. I know it. But I tell myself that I have it under control, I atempt to calm down and I do convince myself all is good. But I'm still pissed. I don't know if I have an effective clamp upon my tilting tendancies. What do you think?

Ahh well, guess thats it for now. I'll keep pluggin. Hopefully next time I'll tell ya bout how I won 25 buyins.

Take care,

T2T

Well, where to begin.

In poker I'm very dismayed. I guess I truly just suck and am just a great big fish. I've cashed in about 16% of my online tournaments but somehow can't seem to make anything stick. In that 16% of tournaments I've won about I'd say 4.2k. I've taken out appx 2.8k and blown the rest in a poker fantasy that I can someday be an online winner. Psshhh Please, I suck, I donked out a few wins, cashes, etc, but when it comes down to it, I just cannot rise to the occassion Where do I lose at?

Jeez, I guess my biggest downfall is bankroll management. In cash games I can get ahead but always play out of br in order to move up and obviously lose it. The frustration is immeasurable. I see these young guys blowin it out, I see the donks at tables gettin paid by me when I check their win rates they lose, so I guess I am it.. I am the biggest loser lol. One thing I have a real hard time with is depositing a real bankroll. I'm simply afraide to deposit the thousand bucks to play at .25/.50 which is where I'd like to be as I feel I can make a decent amount there. I instead will deposit 25 bucks 50 bucks on stars and play the 3 dollah donkaments, the 5 dollah ones, etc etc. I'll cash here and there but then I'll play 5 doller tourneys, 10 doller ones, rebuys where I lose the handle and I'm out of change again.

When and where will my light come on about this game? I know in my heart that I can play it productively. I have the patience to wait, I just have an extremely difficult time with variance. I play too high for the funds I have in there. And another thing that really really really pisses me off. I cannot get rake for the life of me. I know that rake doesn't come on stars, but gd for the life of me I cannot get rake on FT. I've tried making accts with wifes info, my info, but the acct's never go thru. Ef'n anal probing holes over there.

Ahhh well,

Perhaps another day.

Well,

I'm going to begin my Cardrunners Blog. Right here, right now.

If you even know who I am you probably know that I am a big fishy. A bigger wannabee. I try to convince myself that somewhere inside of me is a skillset which could enable me to be rolling like the big dogs here. Mr. Townsend, Mr. Caby, Mr. Wiggins. Amazing young men. Truly amazing. I'm happy that I've gotten into CR before that it has gotten over the top mad crazy, but I am by no means an early member. I did join up before Brian joined the instructor team, however. But who cares bout all that mess...

What I really wish to do is break into the type of cards where it becomes regularly profitable. I've managed to win 4k or so through tournaments with small buyins 3, 5, 24 dollar ones here and there. But when it comes to the cash games I tend to struggle. Not so much with my game moreso with my bankroll management. I keep myself in the micro stakes knowing thats where I should be but I consistantly go to games with 1-3 buyins and blow my wad. I have no true discipline at the .01/.02 - .05/.10 level.

I feel that is where I need to focus my efforts. And I've known this for quite some time, I just feel like at the point I'm at I need to break out. So I'd rather play .5/1 with a buyin every so often rather then grind. Perhaps I'm just foolish. That is why I'm the big fishy.

I have no edge, I seek to find one.

--Tommy