Disclaimer - first half of this blog is gonna be the most emo stuff I've ever posted. If you're not interested I'd suggest just reading the second half.
(start emo)
Julianna and I broke up almost a month ago, very shortly after my last entry. To be frank, it was more her decision than mine, and I still have plenty of moments when I miss her a lot and plenty of things that remind me of her (songs are a big one). It was a very special year and 4 months for me and I have no regrets.
Having said that, I feel amazing right now. Strangely, my overwhelming emotion in the first few days after the breakup was relief. My sister (@rachelhastings on Twitter, follow her, she's infinitely funnier than me, she's a comedy writer) happened to be in Vegas visiting me the weekend after the breakup and we had a great chat about the breakup and my feelings. It was then that I knew for sure that I was ready to move on. I guess this is a good time to mention the fact that I have an AMAZING support network (you know who you are) and without that all of this would've been infinitely harder to handle.
I feel like an entirely different person than I was the last time I was single. For most of my post-pubescent life, I had serious self confidence issues and all I wanted was for SOMEONE to find me attractive and want me and want to be with me. I suspect this is pretty common amongst online poker players, video game players, and introverts in general. In an interesting twist, right now the thought of being in a serious, committed relationship totally scares the hell out of me and is the last thing I want at the moment. Furthermore, I feel like I have the confidence to approach virtually any woman now, but even if I met the most amazing woman in the world, I don't know what the hell I'd do if she wanted to get serious. It's funny how life works sometimes. Today in an airport lounge I met a guy who is president of a materials distribution company in the midwest. I told him about my relationship's course and he told me about his marriage with his first wife, which ended a few years ago. It was shocking to find out how many parallels there were, both in the ups and downs and in the emotions we felt during and after the fact. It's also insane to me that, one year from now, I'll probably feel entirely different than I do now about relationships and about what my desires are.
I'll conclude this part by just saying that I think I can relate to a lot of young poker players who feel like meeting women is tough and frustrating, so if you're in this category and want advice, PM me on here, 2p2, or Twitter and I'd be happy to talk.
(end emo - you were warned)
So, onto bigger and better things. I grinded live poker like it was my job (!) this summer, spending a total of about 7 weeks in Vegas and putting in some serious hours. I spent most of the summer living in a house with some of my best friends, but after they busted from the main event everyone left town pretty quickly. There was still some great PLO action going on though, so I got a room at Bellagio, holed myself up there, and put in a bunch of consecutive 12+ hour days before leaving. Despite going 0-for-I think 12 in the WSOP in events where buyins weren't cheap, I managed to make it a profitable summer, which I'm very pleased. I also made some money staking in tournaments, most notably having a piece of CR coach Eric Rodawig (ChipsAhoya) when he beat Phil Hellmuth HU to win the 10k stud8 event - congrats Eric! The best part of it all, in my opinion, is that I enjoyed playing live poker WAY more than I thought I would. I had never previously put in these kinds of hours playing live, but I really think there's something cool about playing a lot with the same people, getting to know them, cracking jokes, busting balls, and all that good stuff. I made lots of friends this summer at the tables and strengthened friendships with others whom I previously wasn't super close with. Most importantly, I had a blast doing it, and aside from a few tough sessions when the cards just didn't go my way and/or my reads were off, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.
Now, the question I'm asking myself is what my next move is. Despite my newfound liking of live poker, I really don't like Vegas and just can't imagine spending any more time there than the WSOP and a few shorter trips during tourneys or whatnot. I think my earn potential is still highest online unless I can get into some really good and big live games regularly, and as that seems somewhat unlikely, I'm leaning toward a short term move to Canada (at least until it gets too cold). I've heard great things about both Vancouver and Montreal and have some friends in each city; right now I'm on the fence between them. Also, I was just in NYC for a day and a half and remembered how much I love it, and I was subsequently presented with a pretty enticing offer to live in Manhattan short term, so I may very well do both. After spending the spring overseas, I think living in a city that I know well, like lots, and have plenty of friends in (even part time) sounds fantastic. I've also had some thoughts about moving to California (San Diego, San Francisco, or a place like Hermosa Beach most likely), but I'm probably going to wait til the winter for that. First world problems, I know :). Any advice on my course of action is appreciated, although I've already gotten plenty.
It's been quite a while since I've made a CR video and I plan on changing that shortly. Some other coaches have made short concept videos which have gone over pretty well, so I'm leaning toward that, but I'm open to anything. If you have any suggestions for video ideas, please let me know. I'm headed to LA right now for a concert (starring Rage Against the Machine....perfect timing, eh?) but after that I'm ready to get back to work.
GL at the tables and with getting your FTP money,Brian