Is it a Gift or is it a Curse?

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Marshall28's Blog

October 07 2011

Is it a Gift or is it a Curse?

A Gift or a Curse?

I just finished a coaching session. I'd say it was pretty successful. I asked the client after the session if there was anything he thought I might be doing that isn't the most conducive to him having a successful learning process, if there was anything I might be able to change--methodology or approach--in order for the experience to be better for him. His answers were no and that he felt he learned a lot from the session.

Half of the session consisted of him sweating me playing mostly 1/2 and 2/4NL (4-5 tables) with a little bit of heads up mixed in. I was about 6 beers and 3 norcos deep in the middle of all this. Once I wrapped up the session I ended coming up 3 1/2's buyins at 2/4. We concluded the session by going over the most interesting hands I played and after that I mentioned to him that I had been drunk the entire time and asked him if it bothered him. He said no and was actually surprised that I was able to speak my thoughts so clearly, logically and coherently while at the same time playing multiple tables and being under the influence.

This is just an example. This is the thing with me. I'm able to do this on a regular basis. It's gotten to the point where I'm sometimes waking up and I just start drinking or popping pills (I have no delusions, I realize I'm an alcoholic and a pill addict). I do all this while working roughly 15 hours a week and making somewhere in the ballpark of 80-150k a year (depending on variance).

What are the hindrances? I have retarded sleeping hours. For example, I woke up today at 8:30pm. I have nothing resembling a normal life, and I clearly have some rough addictions to some pharmaceuticals and to alcohol--It's a given at this point that I don't really expect to live passed the age of 65 (if I continue like this, AND I'm lucky). I rarely seem to go out anymore or to meet new people because of this lifestyle, but it's just so damn easy for me. It's so easy that it makes everything else--being a normal person within society SOOOOO hard.

Additionally, I live such a comfortable life that I have no motivation to put in extra hours of work in order to earn a big enough salary to be what a lot of people would consider a "baller" and I just feel super complacent with my station in life.

So which is it, a gift or a curse?

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1575 Views | Comments(19)

October 07,2011

definitely a curse imo

also dont think its good business to get drunk before giving a coaching session that your getting paid for, whether or not you feel you can still play optimally

Epic_Turtle

October 07,2011

I mean this in the nicest way possible but you should get some help.

You are missing out on life and I think that it is hard to realize that when your current situation seems so safe and comfy.

But I truly believe there are more valuable things in life than money, alcohol and drugs, and then when you limit or eliminate those things from your life you will realize how much time you've wasted on them

North_Squad_92

October 07,2011

This is easy - this is on the level of a cursed monkey's paw.

You may be able to float like this now with just a few minor "hindrances" as you call them, but it's not sustainable, and the deeper you get into it the harder

pocketdoinkers

October 07,2011

it is to get out. The outcome of a life of addiction is very predictable, and it's very EV-

pocketdoinkers

October 07,2011

i think drinking while playing is ok as long as it doesn't hurt your play. it's like a chewing gum,coffee or music for someone else. always good and bad sides in being socializing or not. live your own way or live with others. it's someone's choice. at any point in our life we still can change it. marshall is one of my heroes. i think it's a gift, but in order to get a gift he worked so hard on his games.

wildshogun

October 07,2011

at the moment i would gladly swap places with you. but it still seems like a curse.

if that makes sense.

tankelton

October 07,2011

None of the above.
You'd be way happier living the balanced version of your current life though. And since you recognize your addictions, start by taking a step towards quitting forever. Whatever the addiction, it just means you're not built to consume moderately. You'll never be. You can't have those products around you ever again once you make a decision. It's going to be drugs/alcohol first, and then the easier stuff like fixing your sleeping schedule or getting in a relationship. You talk about having no incentive to work harder but that's only because you're thinking about it backwards: you're not fixing your sleeping schedule in order to grind more in order to live an even more comfortable life.
/my2cents ;-)

ICSTBIYE

October 07,2011

Interesting points of view. I think tankleton understands me best though.

Marshall28

October 07,2011

I'm curious why you think these things are effecting me in such a negative way when clearly my cognitive abilities are essentially equal whether sober or drunk. It's very hard for even people who know me very well to know whether or not I'm intoxicated--I handle it that well.

Marshall28

October 07,2011

I have some experience in this department. I've never drank and taken painkillers at the same time, but I have definitely done my fair share of both of those things separately. Maybe our bodies are effected differently, but when I've played poker while on painkillers I've noticed that I'm a) less intense at the table(I fight for pots less, I'm more or less indifferent to whether I win those small pots where no one has anything) and when I start to come down I tilt incredibly easy. When I drink I just think I'm the greatest poker player ever.

I guess what you need to ask yourself, is whether or not 80-150k is good enough for you. Are taking those substances worth so much to you that your ok with cutting your yearly income in half?(I'm assuming if these things weren't in your life that would lead to higher motivational levels, likely resulting in you putting in 30+ hours/week. This might matter. It might not. It really comes down to what's most important to you). It really comes down to what is making you happy. If right now, this makes you happy and you're making enough money to pay the bills and then some, then I say keep doing what your doing, even if it's not "socially acceptable behavior." If 3 years from now you find yourself miserable and not being able to handle these drugs like you can today, then I'd say it's time for a change.

Like honestly, I just can't seem to get behind the whole "Oh you're missing out on life by doing these things" argument. Maybe "living life" in the way that the world says you're supposed to makes you fucking miserable and taking these things while playing a game you really enjoy makes you incredibly happy. I'll be honest, I have had some of the best times of my life while I was not sober.(I've certainly had a handful of great one's sober as well) I've connected with people in ways that I never thought possible. It seems like people only focus on the negative aspect of drugs. Basically, all the shit they show you on cops/documentaries about heroin, yet them ignore all of the positive aspects. They not only expand your mind and your own consciousness, but if abused, they teach you tough but important lessons about life.

Moral of the story, balancing your life needs to be priority number one. Doing narcos every single day is not going to be healthy for you, just like eating a tub of ice cream every day isn't healthy. But once in a while, I believe that both of these things do have their benefits. Moderation is key.

P.S You might want to consider raising your standard a bit in terms of your yearly income from poker. I mean, we are incredibly lucky to be able to make a great living off of this game. There literally is no salary cap for poker. There's no reason why either of us can't make 1m+/year in this game if you want that. Why waste an opportunity like that and only aim for 100k/year?

overbet56

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Comment	I have some experience in this department. I've never drank and taken painkillers at the same time, but I have definitely done my fair share of both of those things separately. Maybe our bodies are effected differently, but when I've played poker while on painkillers I've noticed that I'm a) less intense at the table(I fight for pots less, I'm more or less indifferent to whether I win those small pots where no one has anything) and when I start to come down I tilt incredibly easy. When I drink I just think I'm the greatest poker player ever. I guess what you need to ask yourself, is whether or not 80-150k is good enough for you. Are taking those substances worth so much to you that your ok with cutting your yearly income in half?(I'm assuming if these things weren't in your life that would lead to higher motivational levels, likely resulting in you putting in 30+ hours/week. This might matter. It might not. It really comes down to what's most important to you). It really comes down to what is making you happy. If right now, this makes you happy and you're making enough money to pay the bills and then some, then I say keep doing what your doing, even if it's not "socially acceptable behavior." If 3 years from now you find yourself miserable and not being able to handle these drugs like you can today, then I'd say it's time for a change. Like honestly, I just can't seem to get behind the whole "Oh you're missing out on life by doing these things" argument. Maybe "living life" in the way that the world says you're supposed to makes you fucking miserable and taking these things while playing a game you really enjoy makes you incredibly happy. I'll be honest, I have had some of the best times of my life while I was not sober.(I've certainly had a handful of great one's sober as well) I've connected with people in ways that I never thought possible. It seems like people only focus on the negative aspect of drugs. Basically, all the shit they show you on cops/documentaries about heroin, yet them ignore all of the positive aspects. They not only expand your mind and your own consciousness, but if abused, they teach you tough but important lessons about life. Moral of the story, balancing your life needs to be priority number one. Doing narcos every single day is not going to be healthy for you, just like eating a tub of ice cream every day isn't healthy. But once in a while, I believe that both of these things do have their benefits. Moderation is key. P.S You might want to consider raising your standard a bit in terms of your yearly income from poker. I mean, we are incredibly lucky to be able to make a great living off of this game. There literally is no salary cap for poker. There's no reason why either of us can't make 1m+/year in this game if you want that. Why waste an opportunity like that and only aim for 100k/year?

October 07,2011

if it bothers you its a problem. do not be concerned with what society thinks of you marshall. you have a good life. enjoy it. if not for yourself than enjoy it for me. my best

rampage

October 08,2011

overbet thanks for sharing--pharmaceuticals though, they are so much better when mixed with alcohol.

And yeah, I do agree with a lot of the things you say about society\\\'s general point of view towards these things versus my own point of view.

Reality for me is, I\\\'d be miserable if I *wasn\\\'t* constantly taking something to make me not sober.

I actually have no motivation when not on some form of mind altering substance. I don\\\'t have any desire to get out of bed in the morning if I don\\\'t take an adderall or a norco.

I\\\'d need something major to happen to me in my life in order to change the way I do things, some huge influence. I don\\\'t know what that is, but I\\\'m also not doubting that it couldn\\\'t happen. I know my Dad was really into drugs up until he was 35, and since then he has been the most responsible straight edge person, so I may end up changing in that way as I get a bit older.

Yeah I think I could make 1m+ in a year if I had all the proper motivations, but I just enjoy these other things a lot, and making about 100k a year is still > like 90% of the world or more I\\\'m pretty sure.

Marshall28

October 08,2011

I feel like "the dude". I'm takin it easy for all you sinners out there!

Marshall28

October 09,2011

Its a terrible curse. It's hard to see when you are young sometimes, but you are wasting the best years of your life. I'm not saying what you should be doing with this time, but your post shows signs of being greatly unfulfilled. I don't want to play internet psychologist but you should go see a real one.

October 09,2011

"Like honestly, I just can't seem to get behind the whole "Oh you're missing out on life by doing these things" argument. Maybe "living life" in the way that the world says you're supposed to makes you fucking miserable and taking these things while playing a game you really enjoy makes you incredibly happy. I'll be honest, I have had some of the best times of my life while I was not sober.(I've certainly had a handful of great one's sober as well) I've connected with people in ways that I never thought possible" - the issue isn't necessarily the drug use, its doing them at home by himself as an obvious escape when he's clearly not happy.

October 10,2011

JV, I don't need the Debbie Downer element in my blog.

Marshall28

October 10,2011

Didn't realize your question was rhetorical. Im older than you and been in a similar situation to you - also have made a lot more money than you in poker, and have now transitioned out of poker. I thought maybe I'd give you some honest advice since I can relate to your situation quite a bit. For a guy as good at poker as you are, you have lots of life options - chilling making 150k is selling yourself way short, imo. Sorry for being a downer.

October 10,2011

JV,

Yes it was rhetorical, but I thought it might also spark some interesting discussion.

If you\'ve been in a similar situation, I\'d appreciate you to share it a bit possibly in a way that overbet did. I mean, rather than just making blanket statements and using them as assumptions that my situation is exactly the same as yours and that you are right without question--though I do appreciate your compliment that I\'m selling myself short for 150k a year.

And btw I\'ll be 28 in 2 months.

Marshall28

October 22,2011

bill w. had a saying, "the good is the enemy of the best"

thanks for all the videos you've made.

saintjohn

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