So things went really well for a while and then we all know that black Friday thing \"happened\"...

Even though I do not reside within the US, listening to the QJ pod-cast at the time got me a little bit worried so I decided to move my BR from Stars to Party-poker, and try my luck at the 4nl tables.
First few days went OK but then out of nowhere it suddenly happened.

Tilt.

I felt it creeping up slowly though the back of my head - almost not noticeable at first it started evolving into some sort of massive mega-spazz-turbo-tilt which I never experienced before.

I think it started because I was playing bad. You know, made a few small bad calls here and there. Maybe one or two dumb bluffs, and then got coolered by the table-drooler who runner-runnered vs my top set AI on flop for a 600bb pot. Which in itself is a pretty LOL reason for tilting - especially if you consider the stakes and that the monetary value is quiet non-existent to me. Generally those beat don\'t affect me at all but that day was different and something just tore in my brain.

That did it for me and I stood up from the tables. When I experience any form of sustained tilt I just usually leave and go do something else.

As I\'m closing my tables my eyes suddenly wander upon that little BlackJack button in the lobby and I decide to click it for some inexplicable reason of course just to see if I can run up a few dollars and so to say \"chase my losses\" a bit.

Oh well, I guess I don\'t have to go into any further details about this escapade but what it basically comes down to is that it took me about 30 min. to \"clear\" my solid 5nl bankroll which I had carefully nursed and steadily built up during the last few month.

So a few weeks later after swearing to myself to never play BJ, roulette or anything of that sort again ever, I decide to deposit another 60 bucks on stars and start to be a winning poker player again.

I think verneer\'s micro series has really inspired me to try this again.
So I want to be more like verneer, and less tilty/spazzy/fps/reckless. ;)

But no Rush poker for me - Rush is for the devil. I\'d rather 24-table.

No seriously, from now on I really have to work on my emotions, and I have to learn to be a lot more constant in my game. I know I let emotions and my mood affect my game too much which sometimes is a good thing but most of the time it is really really really terrible.

I also strongly believe that I need to re-think my game and re-build it pretty much from ground up.
I could just re-deposit 250$ and jump straight into 5nl but I like to torture myself a little bit when I screw up so bad just so I don\'t do it so easily in the future.

Will be posting results/graphs here more frequently to keep myself motivated and hopefully in check and away from stupid -EV gambling