This downswing is really starting to get to me. In just PLO I reached 4 mil under all in EV in the past 3 months. I try my best to say that all I can do is play my best in the situation I am in. I try not to worry about others results and how well or poorly they are doing and just focus on my play. I have to admit its getting hard. It feels like every day I play I sit down and I get stuck 100k with in 20 min. I try to quit and will then play another session later in the day where the same thing happens.

I follow this up by reviewing every hand with coaches/friends. I generally find a few small things I could do differently but mainly my play is good. I go to bed and wake up and repeat this process. I feel like I have done this for weeks on end. I keep telling myself not to get down and that it will turn around but it doesn't. Its just more of the same everyday.

I sometimes day dream about running where I feel I should. Its very unproductive and when I do it I try to get it out of my mind as its no way helpful in my future goals. When I am feeling really creative I think how amazing it would be to run 4 million over EV instead of under. I think how nice it would be to be 8 million dollars richer. Really though my life wouldn't be any better if I were 8 million dollars richer. I wouldn't do anything differently and probably would just be alot cockier, a bit douchier, and generally less like able.

When I really think about it the only reason I really care about running poorly is that I get some validation from my work. I always have tried to excel at things I do and poker is no different. I think to some degree it defines who I am. Although my work/poker define who I am, its a small part of me. I think it takes a distant 2nd seat to my personal relationships. I remember a few years ago when poker was going very well for me. I was unhappy and a bit bored with it and I made a consciences decision to build more relationships and have some relationships that were more deep and meaningful. In the past three years I feel that I have really accomplished this.

This blog is rambling, but its surprisingly therapeutic.

I decided to hop back in the nose bleed games again as I saw some great action. I played Isildur1 a few days ago and had a nice session winning about 630k. I ran well which attributed to the large win.

I followed that up by just getting crushed for the past 3 or 4 days. I thought I have played well and made good decisions, but am still having very poor results. Its very frustrating for me as I can't figure out what mistakes I am making and what I should be doing differently.

So tonight I opened my HEM and checked my stats. Talk about depressing. Since December 1st I am down 3.55 million dollars in PLO and I should be up just in terms of all in EV. I feel like I have been on the bad end of alot of coolers as well which aren't shown in the Allin statistics. I don't really know what I can do differently. I probably haven't been playing my best for the past 3 months, but I think I have been playing well enough. I have been constantly analyzing hands looking for leaks.

Whats most frustrating is that I have been a small loser to a big winner in every other game in the 8 game mix. I find it incredibly frustrating to lose at -18bb/100 over 47k hands in my best game and in games I haven't played 47k hands of in my life I am winning. Maybe I need to withdraw what I have left online and just grind 400/800 mix games for a bit. I am not really sure what a good solution is.

For those of you who don't know Ashley is my Personal Assistant. She does the most amazing job in the world for me and sadly is way over qualified. She is incredibly intelligent and will go on to do amazing things in her life which do not include being my assistant. I am fortunate to have her with me as the economy is rough, so other opportunities don't exist for her at the moment. One day she will move on to much bigger and better things. Without her my life would come to a complete stop. She is incredibly loyal and VERY loving of Maybe who can be a bit difficult at times.

She recently finished up school at Brooks College in Santa Barbara, which is one of the top photography schools in the world. She has aspirations of doing big things in the photography world, particularly food photography. If you or anyone you know has any positions please contact her through her website: http://www.rainydayrenee.com/


My entire life I have paid for everything with cash. I was lucky enough to have a college fund of 10k set up for me when I was born which over performed in the market and I took out for college right before the bubble burst which along with some odd jobs on the side was enough to pay for all my schooling.

A few years ago I looked into purchasing a home and found that I had bad credit from tearing my ACL in college. There had been on bill for $50 for an ice machine which fell through the cracks and didn't get paid on time by either me or the insurance company that went to collections. I ended up deciding, by some research but mainly dumb luck, not to purchase a home as I felt other options were better investments.

Fast forward a few years, of me saying, oh I am going to start building my credit etc. etc. and I am 28 never having a credit card or a loan. So I ask Ashley, who gets things done MUCH more quickly than I do, to look into it. She started by having me apply for 3 different credit cards, which I was immediately declined saying I didn't meet there minimum requirements. I was annoyed as I had heard stories of dogs being given credit cards, yet someone financially secure and responsible like myself could not get one.

So after doing more leg work Ashley determined it was best for me to go into my bank, Bank of America, and inquire with the manager as I had a large sum of money in my checking account. I went in asked to speak with the manager who I explained my situation to. He took my information and put it into the computer and found that I could apply for a secure credit card with a $500 limit. So basically I had to put down a deposit and I could get a credit card for $500. I tried pleading with the manager pointing out the balance I had in my checking account, but unfortunately at Bank of America the credit division is separate so his hands were tied.

The week before Cole had told me about his Banking situation, where he received lots of private help and could even do bank wires by just calling up his "guy". At this point I realized I need to get into a different bank as Bank of America could care less about my business. I may not be a billionaire type but I have a massive balance in my checking account, which I would think would think could get me some help building my credit. So if you have a great bank with individual service I would love to hear about it.

Poker has been going great since I stopped playing the nose bleeds. I have done very well the past week in the 500/1000 mix OE games. I am starting to get some confidence in the Stud games which feels great. The past three days I took off entirely and just relaxed. It felt great doing nothing. I watched tons of movies, went for a few bike rides, had some massages, and sat by the pool. It was a much needed break and I am tempted to play the big games again as they look very profitable. We will see though but its tough not playing when games may not be running as well in a few months.

I wish I were a robot and this losing strech wasn't effecting me. Saddly I am not and they are incredibly frustrating. Tonight I had to quit a session after dropping almost 200k at 100/200 PLO to Durrr in about 75 hands.

I think what I find most frustrating is that I don't know what I am doing incorrectly, if anything at all. At this point in this downswing I am not playing my A game, but I still feel like I am playing my B-B+ game. When I sit I don't just lose slowly, its absolute murder. I just feel as though I don't win a hand. Tonight I played 75 hands of PLO vs durrr and managed to lose 156k.

Here are the 4 largest pots I lost

1) http://weaktight.com/1995051


2) http://weaktight.com/1995053


3) http://weaktight.com/1995055


4) http://weaktight.com/1995057


These beats wouldn't even bother me if it weren't for the consistency. Its been three months now of this and I am nearing my end. I feel as though I am making great decisions in most aspects of the game. I am playing in good to great games, I am not playing tired, I am reviewing hands and analyzing opponents tendencies. I don't really know what else I can do beyond that.

Since my last blog entry I have gotten slaughtered. I have lost about 900k in PLO while running 150k under all in EV and getting cooler ed on a few occasions. I am done with playing big for awhile. Its just to frustrating and I am losing to much. Today my play fell apart for the first time during this downswing which made me realize I need to step down. I started off the day running about 200k below allin EV. After being stuck that much I took one beat and slammed a door. I get passionate about poker but I never let it greatly effect my personal life. Luckily no one was around today to feel the brunt of my frustration, so it was only the door which had to deal with it.

I have decided to move down in limits for the rest of the month. I am not going to play above 500/1k limit or 100/200 big bet until the month is over. This is unfortunate as it will effect the possible games I am able to play but hopefully it will help me get through this downswing. I have noticed as this downswing gets worse and worse its starting to effect my life outside of poker which I really hate.

This is my 2nd largest downswing and my largest in terms of time. I don't think I have ever had 2.5 months of this type of brutal losing. I am hopefully dropping down for the rest of the month will help me refocus.

The past two months have been incredibly frustrating for me. Below are my PLO results from the past two months.



As you can see I played 36k hands and in terms of all in EV I should be up 440k but instead I am stuck 2.75 million dollars. I noticed this yesterday and was feeling pretty sorry for myself. In theory I would like it to not bother me, but it does bother me and effects my life out side of poker.

After wallowing in my own self pity yesterday for a few hours I finally got control of my emotions and realized that this isn't something in my control and something I shouldn't let effect me or my life. That helped and I was feeling better again until I sat down today and lost about 500k in 250 hands. Again the losses were in the big bet games and primarily my best game PLO.

What I find most frustrating is how the game I am by far best in, PLO, I can lose so much and games that I have just learned within a few months I am having good winning results in. After all this time one would think these things wouldn't bother me and that I would be unphased by these blips in variance. That's great in theory but in practice these blips that last month at such huge stakes take a toll.

To counter my run at PLO here are my results at Stud since I started learning the game in August. My winrate is a bit messed up because of the antes on stars but looking just at FTP I have a .5 bb/100 and have won more in less hands on stars. I would estimate my bb/100 should be between .75 and 1.



In my life I have played 17,420 hands of Stud and done very little analysis on the game. I have been focusing on Stud 8, razz and O8. I only recently got a coach in Stud and have only worked with him for one session. Stud is by far my worst game yet I am still doing very very well in it, while getting crushed in PLO.

I think what I am facing is what makes poker and in particular PLO such a beautiful game. I think games with variance built into them are so much better than games with no variance modifier. In chess there is always an optimum move. In the same way poker has an optimum move or decision as well, but its often much much harder to see that or even think about that correct decision as there is so much fluctuation that its tough to tell if that move is correct. To learn by trail and error is incredibly time consuming in poker and takes years to master a game.

I have two apps on my iphone, a chess app and a backgammon one. I find myself almost never playing the chess one and constantly playing the backgammon one. When I was a young boy I was very good at chess and it was the first game I loved. I played it constantly and not to brag to much won a small scholarship to college by winning a chess tournament :). I had never played backgammon until I got the app on my phone.

So why do I almost exclusively play backgammon and almost never play chess on my iphone? I believe its because I never win in chess. The program I play gets tougher each time you play it and I have reached the point where I just never beat it. In backgammon my skill is much much less than in chess but I win about 40%-45% of games because of luck revolving around rolling the die.

When I lose in chess there is no one to blame but myself. I can't say I somehow got unlucky, I have to admit I was out played. In backgammon I can always say the die went against me or that the computer cheated and rolled what it needed. I like to think of myself as an analytical person who would realize that the computer was making better decisions than me in backgammon. But the reality is its far easier to say that I am just rolling poorly and losing because I am getting unlucky.

I guess the point I am trying to make is (I know my blog gets a bit preachy at times) that I shouldn't be incredibly frustrated by this terrible run, but should appreciate it. Its this variance that creates the illusion to people that they are winning poker players. Its this variance that has given action and made millions of dollars for me over the years. As Phil Helmuth says "If there weren't luck I would win everyone." and although this may be the case its this luck or variance that makes poker such an amazing game and why weaker opponents continue to play strong ones. Without this luck I would still be in grad school in a dark lab or office working on my PhD a much unhappier person than I am today. I hope for the rest of today I can appreciate my downswing and what these downswings have brought me.

Sorry I haven't been blogging much recently. I have been playing lots of poker and unfortunatley, I have been losing alot. The promising thing is that I have been winning in Stud and O8 games and losing in my best game, PLO. Not much to say really just frustrating that I am on such a downswing. Considering the stakes its not to big of a loss (about 500k or 600k), I just HATE losing. I am very competitive and it really bugs me when I am not winning.

I think this latest downswing has been due to a few factors. I have been traveling so I don't think I have played my best as there have been many discractions. I am looking forward to getting home and properly focusing once again. I think I have also run pretty poorly in this time and been on the bad side of some coolers. That said my play has been far from perfect and I have lots of room to improve.

I now have a coach in every game I play which is very helpful. I was stuck alot in each stud game but I am now almost even in razz (-20k), and stud 8 (-40k) and only down only 60k in stud hi. This is a big improvement as I was stuck 250k+ in each of these games. I am almost even in O8 as well being stuck only 11k. These numbers may seem big but when you play 2k/4k they are very very small as its only a few bets. Anyways I hope I keep improving as I now feel I am a breakeven player at in the Stud games and O8 in the nose bleed games. If I were to rate my games right now I think they would be as follows:

1) PLO
2) LHE
3) NLH
4) Razz
5) Stud 8
6) 2-7
7) O8
8) stud hi

Hopefully with some hard work things will turn around.

So I have been spending a ton of time on poker the past few days. My family took off for a few days so I was all alone in the cabin. It really helped my focus as well as analyzing a bunch of hands and watching some videos I had been meaning to get to. All in all it has been a very productive few days with me winning over 100k.

I have hit that point where my mix game learning curve is slowly improving. in the past four months I have learned so much and improved very very quickly. I have gone from barely knowing the rules to being break even in some of the toughest stud games that run. I even think I am a winner in Stud 8, thanks to my coach Eric "Chipsahoya" Rodawig. I feel pretty good about this as I am feeling good about the work I have put in and my improvements.

Unfortunately the easy work is done and the next step is much tougher. To become a winner in the stud games and O8 is going to require even more work than I have already put in. Sadly my Stud, O8, and razz coaches have not worked out. If you are a top player or know someone who is in those games and willing looking to put in many hours shoot me a PM here or on 2p2. I want someone willing to review videos I make and answer hands a few times a week. I think I am at the point where I need someone very savvy in the game to help me improve further.

On another happy note today we saw some much needed snow in Tahoe. The only problem is that it rained in the afternoon! I was at the cabin by myself with Maybe and my Mom's dog Bailey. We got up at about 8AM while it was still snowing and went for a long walk. Unfortunately by the afternoon it was to hot and has rained though the evening. Its sad to see all that fresh snow disappear in the rain, but at least the dogs and I got one walk in. Tomorrow I am going check out the resorts and see if its worth trying to ski. Hopefully they were high enough up and got snow in the afternoon.

I feel like my poker is in a bit of a slump. I don't think I am playing my best. I think part of that has to do with being with my family in Tahoe. Its tough to play well when everyone is crowded around on coaches talking while I am trying to play. I am here for another 10 days and I think my time may be better spent analyzing play rather than actually playing. I feel like I have been unfocused in every session I have played and the shotty DSL doesn't help much either.

I was planning on doing a bunch of skiing while I am here but the snow has been terrible. Today it rained and ever day its been over 40 degrees. I think I will have to go to Heavenly or Squaw to get to some higher elevations. I usually ski at the smaller resorts because I don't need anything tougher than a black diamond but with the poor conditions I may have to seek out some of the higher resorts.

Cole and David (ThatPFunk) got into town today and we are headed out to dinner tomorrow night. I may go skiing with them but I am a bit worried as Cole is a great snowboarder. Anyways it will be nice to catch a great meal. Whenever I am in Tahoe I stay in cabins with my family and they aren't really fancy. Cole has a great restaurant picked out for tomorrow and I am looking forward to nice meal out.