First off, thanks to everyone that participated in the comments yesterday. Everyone kept it clean and we were able to have a great discussion. Much appreciated. That blog had two purposes. One was to vent some frustration with the Libya issue and the other was to gauge what type of interest posts like that would have. I'm very pleased with the response, so I'm going to write more.

In my last entry some people jumped to the conclusion that I had watched one Joe Rogan rant and based all my views off that. To be honest, I don't blame them. I opened myself up to that by posting the video. Let me tell you that couldn't be further from the truth. It's been quite the journey.

This journey has not always been a fun one. Along the way, I hit some low points, no doubt. The world was is not what I thought it was. When so many things you believe are turned on their head, I think it's only natural to become angry and bitter and that was absolutely the case for me. I eventually got into a pretty bad spot mentally.

Lately, I've been making some meaningful changes to my life that have lead to the best state of mind I think I've ever been in. On top of that, it seems to get better every day as my new lifestyle continues to evolve. I want to write about those changes I'm making, but before I do that, I think I should give some background. I debated for awhile if I would really dive into the issues I will mention below. Ultimately, I don't think that's the best solution. There is enough negativity in this world and there are infinite resources out there. It's important that people conduct their own search and come to their own conclusions. That's not to say I wouldn't be happy to point anyone in the right direction. If you read something and want more information or just want to debate a little, please PM me and I'd be glad to rap about it. Ok here it goes.

In my mind, I've always bought into the system. I was raised a conservative right winger and I always bought into what the Republican party said. The Democrats were always the bad guys. I was patriotic to a fault. When I studied abroad in 2005, I was one of a few Americans in my program. I can remember the political discourse I had with my foreign friends. I wasn't too kind to their anti-American rhetoric. The interesting thing was that foreigners seemed to love Americans but they despised our government. They were wise beyond their years! Unforunately, I had an "America, Fuck Yea!" attitude.

I've been incredibly blessed my whole life. I was born into a great family, always did well in school, excelled at poker during the most lucrative time, and have never had any earth shattering disaster occur to myself or anyone in my family. In essence, I never had a catalyst to question anything around me.

In hindsight, some of my actions didn't line up with my thinking of marching with the system. The big one being instead of following my father's advice (someone who I admire beyond words) to follow the path of accounting, I took a risk and dedicated myself fully to Cardrunners. That was a big step away from the system, but I certainly didn't recognize it at the time. I just thought I'd make more money that way and that was what it was all about. "Get money. Fuck bitches."

In the end it wasn't one event, but rather a journey down a deep rabbit hole that put me into a spot that made me rethink everything. Interestingly enough, at my lowest point, I wouldn't have admitted anything was wrong with my state of mind. In fact, a lot of people probably didn't notice that much of a change. I saved my angst mostly for my family, my girlfriend and the poor souls in the Cardrunners office. I wasn't happy even if I was lying to myself and saying that I was. After all, I had everything I ever wanted in a material sense. How could I not be happy? I'm getting ahead of myself though, so let me get back to the journey.

It wasn't until the financial collapse of 2008 that I started to pay more attention to the world. Obama was soon elected and was spending money like crazy. Obviously, as a conservative, I didn't appreciate Obama's approach at all. I became very interested in learning more. When the health care debate started to heat up, I really dove in. I was listening to a lot of talk radio and reading tons of articles. I'd listen to most of Hannity's radio program everyday and also an hour or two of liberal talk (usually Ed Shultz or Ron Reagan Jr.). The main thing I learned during this period was that the left and right were very much pitted against each other on nearly every point. There was a lot of hate.

During the health care debate, the economy was also going further into the dumps. I didn't know much about economics at the time, but I sure as hell would argue the Republican stance on any issue. As the health care debate wore on, I started to spend more time studying economics. Early on, the Wall St. Journal was my main resource. They have some valuable writers there, but they also have some really piss poor ones. Some of these awful economic articles I was reading were written by Republicans. Their stances didn't mesh their purported worldview and, more importantly, reality. Hmmmm. Why were they saying the things they were? Was there an agenda at play? I wasn't sure and I mostly just ingored really questioning these guys. They were on my team afterall. With respect to the economy, I knew things were bad at this point, but I still had plenty of hope. "It's all good," I thought. "The nation will see Obama is wrong and we'll get the Republican's back in power."

Sometime in late 2009, I got turned on to conspiracy theories. Uh oh. While, I had been poking my head down the rabbit hole, this might have been when the full tumble finally occurred. I can't quite remember how I started watching that stuff or even what the first thing I watched was, but I was sucked in. I was introduced to a whole new plethora of fucked up shit and I was sold hook line and sinker. I don't want to get too much into conspiracy theories now, but I will say a few things. They are very addicting. If you're in the wrong frame of mind, it's very easy to buy into them. Now, I'm not saying I've rejected all of these theories at this point. That's far from the truth. However, over time I've taken a vastly different approach on assessing conspiracy theories. It's not nearly as simple as watching a documentary on YouTube. While there is good stuff on there, it can often be hard to find it. There is a lot of shit and misinformation.

Somewhere around the height of my paranoia, it was suggested that I look into Ron Paul. I believe it was Andrew Swinney that first mentioned him to me (thanks buddy!). I didn't know anything about him, but as soon as I saw a few of his YouTube montages, I was hooked. He didn't talk like other politicians. I read a couple of his books (highly recommend "End the Fed") and spent a lot of time watching his speeches and TV clips on YouTube. It should be noted that at this time I was still listening to a lot of right wing talking heads. I started to notice their disdain for Ron Paul. This didn't make any sense to me. Ron Paul stood up for everything they supposedly believed in, yet they constantly and consistently belittled him and anyone that supported him. Hmmm. This was the first time I really started to question the system.

I'm going to cut this off here and pick it up in the next couple of days. This is getting too long!

Peace be with you,

Andrew